Time flies when you should be asleep.

"If you have a heart Imma break it. When I see what I want I have to take it." -
I don't know what that's from.
Do you?

Also: "I think some scene fag was listening to lil wayne or T-Pain or someone and said "You know what this needs....screaming." "
perfectly describes the band(artist? IDK) 'Dot Dot Curve'

EDIT: (there was other stuff I decided to say, got lazy to write a new post.)

'All To My Self' - Marianas Trench is such a good song.
I've decided that I don't feel like crying tonight,
and so I will listen to this song.
It makes me feel...I don't know.
Better. I just does.

"Don't patronize
I realize I'm losing and this is my real life
I'm half asleep and I'm wide-awake this habit is always so hard to break
I don't want to be the bad guy
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why
I'm killing time
And time's killing you
Every way that I do"

I am losing, so many things. Like, right now most every long-term thing I've got going on feels like a giant fail. Not the things that I do for the enjoyment, more the things that 'matter'.
And I am half asleep, but wide awake...
and I'm getting back into the habit of staying up for excessively late hours,
and it'll be hard to stop.

And I'm blaming myself for everything that happened ,even though it
isn't really my fault at all.

And I would hope that the more time that goes on, Tan is missing me more too
and it's hurting her equally as bad. Just because then it doesn't feel like
my own pain isn't for nothing, and she's in as much as a hell as me.

"I can try and suck it up
I just can't suck it up
Make me feel like someone else
I'm under the gun
Feel like the only one
I just can't decide what I'm running from"

I'm trying to just suck it up and deal, but it doesn't work.
I would rather feel different then this,
like someone else feels...just for a change/reliefe.
Like when I woke up after being so sick, and I didn't have a headache
and the change was just so nice?
Like that.
And I /does/ kind of feel like out of everyone I know,
everything with me is getting much worse then the
things they've got going on. At least with the people IRL,
anyway.
As to the last line,
I keep changing my mind as to what I'm feeling,
who I'm angry at,
if I'm even angry...

"It's not enough
It's never enough
And I wish I could breath without it getting stuck
Can't focus it but I try over and over again"

No matter what happens that's good the past couple days,
I'm still sad.
And it does get hard to breathe a lot.
My attention is almost completely gone most of the time,
like always when I'm unhappy.


And despite all those things, the infectiously catchy beat just doesn't let me think about any of it.
I'm as close to happy as I'll get this week and probably even next,
and I'm okay for now.