My throat is so tight right now with the need to cry that it hurts to breathe.
I can feel the fullness of my tear ducts, and my cheeks are hot from the crying
I've already done.
This isn't because of Gowri.

Mom and Jenn were fighting.
That's really all I'm going to post about it.
I'm tired of my confidant of choice
being the blank, empty space of the internet.
And I'm so tired of the way I live.
I wish I could at least have a family that
stuck together and in which everyone loved eachother
so much that it would almost seem to an outsider
like an impossible ammount.
My fingers are shaking.
I keep hearing footsteps in the hall,
and I really just hope everyone leaves me alone.
I don't want to see any of them.
The house is quieter without Jenn and the Kids living here.
It's almost eerie, and I hate it.

I BRB'd to go and get icecream with Jenn so everyone could have
dessert for after dinner, and then I got back.
Felt kind of bad for leaving Amy, but I knew she would understand
if it was just...better, if I was doing something besides being on the computer.
So, I quickly said bye to her and then I went and watched ANTM with Jenn and everyone, and we were just chilling.
I went and hung out with them, because I thought it would make
it better at this time, the time when I'm alone.
But then everything happened, and I was right there,
and it was just worse.

Of all the things I'm tired of, the one I'm most tired of has to
be crying myself to sleep...
which is probably what I'll be doing tonight.
It would be so much easier if I at least had Tany.
Then I wouldn't have to be here, I could just go to
her house.
But I can't.

I can feel my heart hurting.
And I keep holding my breath without noticing.
Music is on, but it's not helping.

I wish september of 2010 was closer.