I can't stand being here, by myself.
In this room.

And no one gets that.
Tany was supposed to come
over the other day and she never
did. And the next day she didn't.
And today she can't.
And on and on and on.
And I'm just so ANNOYED
with the whole situation.
With this, with me.
I hate it.
I'm sitting on the floor just because it's somewhere unfamiliar to sit.

I made a picture, and now there's nothing to do.
It's dark outside already.

I feel like the winter is boxing me in and slowly taping the seams shut.
I'm itchy and restless and irritable and so tired.
There's nothing I want to do.
I want to do everything.
I don't want to sit.
I want to stand.
I don't feel like standing.
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, it never ends.

Now I feel lifeless.
My resolve is dipping,
I'm becomming the thing I most want to avoid.
This crazy, weak thing.

I lashed out at tany.
I shouldn't have, but..
she isn't being a good friend right now.
She never really is entirely, there's always something
lacking. Some emotion that must be hiddin.
Things she wouldn't understand.
She doesn't think,
doesn't pick up on things.
Just accepts them.

"That's how it is."
I'm sick of it.
It makes me feel unhappy.
Disgruntled.

I don't fit. I don't fit, I DON'T.

Nothing is nothing.
I can't figure this out.
Me.
I'm getting in the way of expressing my feelings.
I could laugh, scream, cry at the same time.
That's how I feel right now.
Pathetic.

It's too warm in here.
If I open the window it'll be too cold.
If I open the window and put on a sweater
I'll be itchy and BLAH.
I CAN'T EVEN THINK.

I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T.

I DON'T,
I DONT,
I DONT,
I DONT,
I DON'T.

I dont' know what I'm doing, what I'm feeling. I can't think about it. I can't begin to comprehend.
FUCK.
I'm sick of this.
I don't want it.
Take it back.
Don't even bother giving
me a refund.