Cabin Mates.

Cassie
Johnna
Nicole
Kayleigh
Tory
Kaitlyn
Kathleen
Courtney
Rachel.

OH & Popped a blood vessel in my eye.
I think it happened because I got some
bug spray in my eye.
So watch that that.
NIGHTY NIGHT
LOVE Alicia.

-ZAP time-
(After lunch day 2 )

Totally homesick.
I was waaay to optimistic about my cabin mates.
I thought 'Oh, when I know everyone better
it will be better.' Lies. That thought is totally
false. Most everyone is just more of a bitch.
It's just like my first sesh.
I was just about completely alone there.
And yeah. I'm just about there again.
I have Cassie, but she is still seperate from me, somehow.
I think that in conflict,
she wouldn't come to my defence.
Everytime I hear whispers or laughter,
I feel / know it's about me.
As the hours wear on,
I am feeling more and more discouraged.
I'm trying to be like them.
Trying to like the same things they like.
Voice my opinions and ideas.
They deny me.
Shut me down. There is no way anyone could say I'm not trying hard enough.
I just wanted to have a good time. But it's getting harder harder to be cheerfu and uncaring of their insults and slights.
Everytime someone says something to me, their words are more and more pointed.
Sharper. I miss Tany & Amy.
Next year, Gowri had better come with me. Even if I have to pack her in my suitcase...
Next sesh, I WILL have a good friend here.
I miss my iPod. Music is such a a useful tool. The simple sound makes it so easy to shut peope out.

This morning we did canoeing.
Cassie has her period, so.
She didn't want to get in the water.
I had to be with Tory.
She had no fucking clue what she was doing.
I told her to brace the boat, and what does she fucking do?
SHE GETS OUT.
If there is anything you shoudn't do in a canoe,
it's stand up and get out.
Especially when I was trying to get in.
She only knew how to paddle on one side,
my arms ache from all the repeated action.
And when I asked her to swtich me,
she flat out refused.
I could only paddle one way for so long. I was kind of bitchy
to her. "Yeah okay, don't even try." I said. Then she got even more bitchy.
And because we coudn't turn on the one side because Tory woudn't padde on the other side,
it took forever to turn and get where we needed to go. Eventually Candice made her try. And even then, Tory wouldn't listen to me even though it was obvious I knew what I was doing and she didn't.
She didn't communicate at all. That was so fucking frustrating.
I'd ask her what she wanted to do, she'd say she didn't know. I'd suggest something, she wouldn't answer me.
And when we were carrying the boat, she just put it down.
You're supposed to go '1...2....3..' and then put it down together.
So she just put the boat down, and I have to have all the weight on me while I tried to put it down.
I tried to be polite.
I did pretty well.
Everytime someone is a bitch to me, I just shut up and smile.
Which is hard. Like when we were cleaning after breakfast.
Nicole wrote a sign (using MY paper and pen)
for nurse Joadie.
She put 'your' instead of 'you're'
And when I said "It's supposed to be 'you're' because-" she just cut me off and asked if it mattered.
I said it did, and she just was a bitch and shut me out.
I was so angry.
I just went inside, and tried to cam down and not cry.
I didn't cry. so that's good.
They just treat me so crappy.
Everytme I make a mistake or do something 'stupid' or 'weird'
they treat me like I'm a retard.
They add everything I do that's 'wrong' onto this imaginary list of pros and cons.
Ateast that's what it feels like.
Let's talk about something else.
Fuck it.
I'll just cut this off here.

-----
I know that getting hung up on a grammatica error is lame.
But if you're going to do something extra, do it right!
It wouldn't have been that difficut to add in an apostrophe and an e.
I just...I don'r understand. She was the older one.
She shoud've been the one to realize she was being an ass and just give in.
I had to bend. I had to let it go and walk away.
I knew she knew I was right.
I think she thinks I was purposey making her look stupid.
I wasn't. I was only trying to help. No way is it my fault I'm smarter then her.
I'm proud though. I took the high road. That could've gotten ugly,
but I was smart and realized it was in no way worth it.
Go me.

------

-Bed Time -
Upper campfire went well.
Talked to Johnna about bands & potential OT site,
Eagles landing.
It's supposedy beautiful.

CITY AND COLOUR = FABULOUS.
In both our opinions.

Dinner was yummies.
Potatoes and chicken and peach juice.

Sleeping in my fox tank and the same red shorts
from yesterday.

SALMON RUN.

Yeah yeah yeah.

LOVE Alicia.

Also: rest of today was great tastic.

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Note: Johnna's taste in music is actually horribe.
She only listens to mainstream.
She likes the Jonas Brothers.
Her boyfriend looks like Joe Jonas and has bushy eyebrows.
Ew.
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