This a post about my current life.
Because I got sick of thinking about camp.

Anyway.
I was thinking today, and...I've been a pretty shitty friend lately.
Constantly breaking promises. Talking about killing objects of affection.
Needing forgiveness countless times for all the stupid things...
and support. Like crazy, I've been leaning on them.

I can't figure out if I'm just...in some rut, or if I just...am a crap friend.

Because on one hand, fall is on it's way.
That's got me frustrated.
It's already been raining like crazy.
Soon, the sun will be so rare...
I'm worried about being able to brave the winter and not go there.
Because this summer has been awesome. And oh-so happy.

And on the other, I've just...been slipping.
I used to think I was a really good friend, but...no.
Contemplating this, I'm only like..alittle over semi-okay.
I think I could do better. I want to show my bffs that I can be there for them.
That I can be as much for them as they are for me.
Because honestly, I wouldn't be anywhere without Dollface and Tany.

Tany; you aren't stupid. No matter what you'd like to believe, you aren't. Even if I sometimes agree, it's not true. Sometimes I just get frustrated by your lack of knowledge. That doesn't make you stupid, and I wish you would stop thinking that you are stupid and that you need my approval and 'Oh, Alicia is so great!'
You aren't lame. The tips you ask me for all the time are my lame attempt to try and get you to think for yourself. You always say you apply yourself to things, but I think you could do better. And I think you could be greater and more amazing then you already are. And I think that deep down, you know all of this but don't want to admit it because it would change things, and change you...and in the end, there wouldn't be much going back.
But I think it'll be a good change.
Also, you are funny. And I don't laugh at you most of the time. Mostly I'm laughing with you.
Love you, best friend.

Dollface; Hm. Where do I even start with you. I'm sorry.
Yeah, that works. I'm sorry that I wasn't on time yesterday. And I'm sorry that I haven't made time for you lately. It was thinking about you that got me to write this whole post, to be honest.
I just started with Tany because I already knew what I wanted to say to her.
With you, all I can do is appologize, and try to explain. And also, to thank. But that'll come later.
Yesterday, was a crap day. The second I got off the computer and tried to get dressed, it all just went down hill. Because all of my clothes, I just...hate them. And so many of my shirts don't fit because I got taller. And my favourite dress' strap got ruined forever ago and I barely have any shoes! And...I feel like I've been wearing the same outfit or slight veriations of it forever. And that is so frustrating. It took me like an hour to get showered and dressed, and my outfit wasn't even 'BAM' like it usually is. It was just kind of 'oh....that's....nice...' And, I lost my iPod. Which sucks. Hard. I moped about that pretty much the rest of the day, and just didn't have it in me to try and...just...do what I should've done. And what I should've done is hustle my ass back home ASAP. But, I didn't. And none of those things are any excuse. You mean a lot to me. You're pretty much always there when I need you, and you always know what to say. And you can always cheer me up. Your posts are hilarious, always. And I even like your evilness. I'm sorry about bashing you on your music all the time. I shouldn't do that. Like whatever you want. But know that if you ever want something new, I've got plenty. I'm sorry if you have to assure me of things a lot. I don't mean to be so underconfident sometimes. I know I'm awesome. It just helps sometimes to hear someone else say it. Thanks, for everything. Still liking about me even after I told you about my mom and everyone doing what they do. And sticking by even when I'm a super bitch. For being selfless so many times. For not trying to convert me into believing something I don't want to believe. Just...thanks. You're a good friend, and I'm lucky to have you.

Anyway.
So yeah. Lost my ipod, didn't finish my homework...
just kind of spiraling right now. A free fall, of sorts.
I don't know exactly when I made the jump, but...
things are different. Camp always does this, I think.
I guess the words are true.

'Sometimes you lose yourself, and it take someone else to find you again.'

Except for it's a place that finds me. And it's the people that make me want to change myself.
I can take the high road, amazingly enough. Because I did it all 6 days I was in my rainy paradise. And...I can find the happy spot in so many things.
I'm strong, I guess. Stronger then I thought, anyway.
Maybe the gloomy months won't be so gloomy afterall.

I'm going to make today 'the' day.
You know, that kind of day that makes you smile and you remember as one of those just..regular days. But it's a good day, because it IS the same. And sometimes, that alone it enough to make me content.