Alrighty.
So, I've been hearing some complaints about my slight absence.
To my reader, I'm sorry.


Now, on to more pressing buisiness...

FINISHED BREAKING DAWN.
IT'S AMAZING.

Ahem. Yes. Took me roughly 5 hours. Could be less, could be more. I took several breaks.
Which is..interesting. I usually read right through. Ignoring every need but the most prominent ones, and just kind of...going. I've known for years I was addicted to words, okay. Seriously. But...I don't think I realized until now just how serious and strong this addiction is.
Almost rivals my love of breakfast.
j/k.
It totally owns the best meal of the day.
Speaking of breakfast....
I was at ihop with tany. FRENCH CREPES SUCK.

Anyway.
Breaking Dawn.

Book II is obviously my favourite. It was written in Jacob's POV, and...seriously, most hilarious thing I've ever read. Almost. That one line out of 'The Sweet Far thing' ("Corrupt my brother will you? I'll see you in hell first, sir") Kind of was pretty great and that whole scene was the first time I like..cheered over a book.
Seriously. As time goes on, my reactions to things are so much...stronger.
IDK. Maybe I'm becomming more of a sap.
Wouldn't that be a shame?
Anyhow.

Steph Meyer always has these playlists on her website...but..I never bothered with those.
And then I was reading...
See, after book II, I was really pissed.
The whole imprint on Renesmee thing? I was outraged.
Seriously. I beat the fucking book!
James was witness to it, he can tell you.
I sat there and hit the thing. Right on the contents table of book III.
I was just...I couldn't believe it.
At the time, it seemed to wrong.
I didn't even really want to continue.
But we all know how I am.
I HAD to finish. It was like this...unexplainable..force.
So, after getting a drink and eating some delicious choco-covered strawberries (that story can wait), I continued.
And now, after having finished...I suppose it's okay.
I have to give Steph props for this one.
She did a hell of a job of working Jake into Bella's future. I mean..c'mon.
It was totally either this, or him or edward had to die.
And...we all know how much the latter option sucks.

Okay, so back to my main point...sort of.
You know how I hate silence?
Like...I just can't stand it.
After Just Listen, I've become so much more aware of the sounds of things.
The absence of sound. Of music. You know?
Right now, thinking this thought, all I hear is the clack of my finger across the keys -fast as lightening, thanks very much ;D - and the occasional car out on the street.
Fuck. A misquito bit me on the head I think.
Anyway.

So. I had been listening to my ipod, because..the silence and the Tv and just..I didn't want to be distracted. And..Temper Temper by Envy On The Coast came on. It made it so much..easier. To deal, with my..ya know, temper.
Next (I think..) Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade was on.
And..I thought of how well it just..FIT.
Like, with what I was reading just then.
It clicked. Like...'POW'
Unignoreable.
So, I found some paper and made a note.
Lots of notes, actually.
About the songs that..clicked.
I'll write the list out all formal like on here after I get some sleep.
It's like fucking... 5:40AM.
I haven't stayed up this late in forever.
My back hurts. :(

So. So...I made playlists.
I'm planning to do some serious reading after camp.
The entire series, again.
Music at hand.
I've already got some songs down for New Moon and Twilight.
Eclipse....well. I'll have to see what tickles my fancy when I get to it.

I'll give you a teaser, alright?
What I think is the best working song as an almost...
summary to each book?
I think that sounds good.

Breaking Dawn: 'Card House Dramer' - This Providence.
It's so...strong. And yet, so telling.
Like...it's a slap in the face that doesn't hurt. A slap in the face that you respect and fear and...love. Especially when the Volturi were coming in.
Seriously.
'Daysleeper' by Dear and the Headlights was on before CHD, and like... the dying 'ahh ahhh ahhh ahhhs' melted in so great. And then Bella is so angry and Garret says his fancy speech and it's like: "I don't know know know KNOW know know how much more I can take!"

Eclipse: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE.
I think it's because Eclipse is like...a mistake almost.
Needed, and somewhatly loved underneath all of the things I'm not-so-fond of,
but... homey. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it.

New Moon: 'Fix You' - Coldplay.
A durr.
Jacob, and Edward. And bella all broken....
Do you need more of an explanation?
Also to be noted on there though: 'Pretty In Punk' - Fall Out Boy and 'If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask' - Mayday Parade.

Twilight: 'Not A Second To Waste' - A Rocket To The Moon.
It's fitting that this song also has a place on the BD playlist.
The song is versatile, it fits both so perfectly.
I'm happy. And not only me.

Gowri should be happy over her cooking feat (she did basically all the work for making some choco-covered stuff. I only helped with the fun bits.)

James should be happy over the bonding he did with Aaron (they went and saw that movie 'Wanted' last night)

Mom should be happy because...hm. I have to think on this one.
Why should she be happy? I think because...we're happy. And..because she's managed to actually give me a reason to be proud of her.

Jenn should be happy because her life is...reasonable.

My Dad has no reason to be happy, in my opnion, and yet...who cares about him?
All his coming and going...well.
It's drawn me to this conclusion: FUCK HIM.

This is interesting....
how I draw out the ranks.

Though, the way I think of it isn't how tightly I love each.

Thoughts of the time I spend with my BFF...they're all happy. There isn't one memory where I can't find something to smile about. (GO AHEAD TANY. SINCE I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS, GO AHEAD AND ASK ME TO FIND SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT IN MEMORIES WHERE YOU THINK I WONT BE ABLE TO. JUST FUCKING TRY.)

Thoughts of the time I spend with James are...conflicting. But remembering the good times makes it easy to toss away the bad times until they become more...seeable.

Thoughts of Mom. Those make me think the most.
And...I find that I avoid them. Compassion...I dont know.
It's a weakening emotion, in many ways.
I'll have to channel some Carlisle, I think on that part.

Thoughts of Jenn and her lot can feel tratorious (is that word?)
and at the same time, they aren't.
Those thoughts are also tied to care-free happiness. So I like them.

And...Dad thoughts are the hardest.
I don't even think I'm really aware of how much I keep hidden away.
Unthought and untouched.
My really feelings...they're frightening.
But, I won't go seeking them out.
There's a time and a place for everything, afterall.

Woooooowww.
Major flash through of every single worry and thought and just..emotion in my brain a second there.
I was trying to figure out what to say next,
and this huge onslaught of words came then.
Not exactly what I was looking for, but okay.

I'm afraid. Of this...happiness.
I don't want it to feel so fragile...but it is.
Because this waiting is so..intense.
I feel it, always.
I'm always waiting.

Waiting for love. Waiting for school. Waiting...

Waiting. This brings me back to one of my early blog posts.
When I was so enthralled by that song.
Sometimes I surprise myself, with all of these...things I just seem to have known before hand, but am only realizing now.
This knowledge and smarts and intelligence and just...me.
It makes me feel good, like I can do anything.
It makes me feel like...like...happy endings are real.
And so are vampires, werewolves and truth.
Along with that, moments of pure joy.
It's strange, to see my hopes squashed together like that.
I feel like I have a new prospective.
I feel...different.
Vampiric, in a way. They have so much room in their heads.
And...even now. I'm thinking these things, and also trying to remember to rely this thing I heard on ellen the other day. -Squash. It's a noun, a verb, a sport, and possibly a curse word-
And...and layers.
Like the other day.
Driving in a cab. It was raining. On the way back from superstore, in a green cab with a nice driver that liked to talk.
I was listening to...I don't remember. I THINK it was Miserable At Best. I'm not sure.
Anyway. I was watching the droplets on the window pane...and behind them, unfocused and boring were other cars, trees, and..life.
And I remember with vivid clarity...shifting through to the different layers.
I turned my attention to the far away trees, making out all of those details...
and I turned my attention to the car zooming along beside us.
I remember the way the water fell, and I remember the way the tires looked...and I remember looking at the power lines.

Strange how memory is.
How I can remember all of those miniscule details, but not recall the name of a girl in a book, or the song title of a song I like when I most need to know it.

Strange how things you need to know are like the loop holes in remembering.
How...when I need something, it refuses. And when I think I don't, but am in a moment when I can appreciate things, it comes to me.

You're lucky alot of those moments when I can appreciate stuff comes when I'm blogging.
Very lucky indeed.

And now, some parting words that will probably always make me smile.

"I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!"