Have been trying to post my newest to LB for a long while.

I am suffciently sick of this crappy internet connection.

Really.

Today was Tany's birthday.
I expected it to be on my mind all day today, but I didn't think about it once until I was walking the dog sometime around 9.
That's what comes from expectations: the opposite.
And the same could be said about me thinking I would get my way entirely today.

Anyway.
Gowri is 15 today.
I am thinking about how she never lied to me about my teeth being rather yellow-ish, even though I never considered them to be that bad.
That thought only just occured to me, as James got me some whitestrips earlier and
I am about to go and use them.

I saw someone I used to go to school with on my walk, also.
Gurpreet Parmar.
Me and Tan had a ton of jokes about him.
He looked the same.
I wonder what he saw in me.

6AM could be better +more sleep.

I checked the recipe, and just substitued that for 

chocolate and a sunrise.

Downloaded google chrome. LOL'd at the last line. 

Discovering good music.
Playlist to follow in this post, but I'm busy.
This is a space saver, so I don't forget.
Also: remind me to post the gorgeous picture I have of a cherry blossom tree in queens park...

EDIT:

New&Old//

'Naked and Red' & 'Matresses Underwater' - Colour Revolt.
'Vindicated' - Dashboard Confessional.
'Bird Song Accapella' - Florence and The Machine.
'Alaska' & 'If Looks Could Kill' - Camera Obscura.
'True Affection' - The Blow.
'I Love A Computer' - YACHT.
'Just Stay' - Kevin Devine.
'Islands On The Coast' & 'Our Swords' - Band Of Horses.
'Dot Com' - Secret Secret Dino Club.
'Too Young' - Taken By Trees.
'Launching Pad' - ARCTIC.
'Fever' & ' Silence' - Takka Takka.
'I Can Barely Breathe' - Manchester Orchestra.
The entire 'Window Sills' album by The Wind Whistles.
Especially 'Gold Fever'.

Made myself grilled cheese for lunch.
Just as I was laying down to listen to some colour revolt,
my mom got home from getting groceries and reminded me
about foodsafe tomorrow for work.
SUCKS.
Gotta get up before 7:30AM.
And I'm sick?
Fuck.
I hope I feel better tomorrow, because this will be unavoidable.
I'll just stay in bed all day.
Not even do anything if I feel like it.
Save all my energy. Ya know?
Ya.

I'm going to go listen to Colour Revolt and Manchester Orchestra and other bands that have slow-paced sleepy feeling songs, and just lay in my bed and be sick.
Maybe take a shower.
Wait for dollface to get on. I wrote half a post last night, so.
I'm good to go as soon as I whip up the other.

I'm sick.

I don't know. Late last night I got this headache, and I thought I was just going to die. It was one of the worst headaches I'd ever had ever. I couldn't think, and I couldn't focus on anything. And if I was looking at one thing for a really long time, my eyes just kind of glazed over in that way that they unfocus and you don't really see any one thing? And it was just this pounding in my head. Sometimes like BOOM.....BOOM....BOOOM. But other times it was more like BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM. And then I felt kind of like I was going to throw up, but I didn't. Couldn't get to sleep forever, though. I feel a bit better now, but it'll probably be worse later. Because when I sat up to get the computer I felt a bit like I was going to puke, and kind of wobbly. Just laying in bed for now.

I want to go to the beach.
But I'm afraid it won't feel the same,
and it'll just end up being ruined for me.
I need the warm weather.
I need it to hurry up.
It's sunny, but that's not enough.

I can't find anything to listen to.
I should be finishing the shredding for my shirt,
but I am lazy.
Listening to sing it loud.
Wondering if it would be weird if I tracked down tany's address and sent her Pat Brown
for her B-day.

I guess it's official; I'm sad today.
I've reverted into all my most comfortable things.
Like beach house, and jeans with a tshirt and a sweater.
And I'm wearing slippers/socks. Those always make me feel better, some how.
Safer. Like if my toes are warm I'll be okay.

I'm not entirely sure what kind of sadness this is.
But it makes me feel very...quiet.
This sadness, is like wrinkling your nose and closing your eyes kind of feeling.
I think that describes it well.


Edit: talking to dollface.
Making a shredded t, still.
Things could be worse.

& Maybe me and Dollface dont make this shit up either.

I really am starting to think we've infected his brain.

He's talking about boobs, AND he said y'all....

Just hanging out... going to have some yummy breakfast soon.
On LB, looking at things.
IRL,
Feeling kind of ignored, I don't really know...

I've just felt so lost lately.
I don't know...anything, that I'm going to do at all.
And I wish...
not that things were different.
Just that I could...find me.
Wherever I am.

Tonight, I babysat all three kids.
Got them into bed, and asleep.
Jaylin was in bed first.
And Tyler was playing video games.
Nick was crawling around, being a cutiepie.
But then he was getting grumpy, so I changed his diaper (AND THAT TOOK FOREVER,
HE KEPT MOVING AROUND AND THEN I HAD TO GET HIS LEGS BACK IN HER SLEEPER, AND OMG..} so that was that. And then I got his bottle, and he was sitting on the floor grumping away. So, I started to sing to him, the first song that came to mind.
It ended up being 'Can You Tell' - Ra Ra Riot.
Which is kind of funny.
And he giggled, and laughed and later it calmed him down.
"Oh baby,baby,baby, babe. How long am I supposed to wait?
I think about you nightly...and I get nervous everytime you speak.
My bed's too big for just me.
And when you turn your eyes, I promise I won't care.
Oh baby, baby, baby, babe..."

Not exactly appropriate, but still.
It worked, and I liked the way my voice made him happy.

Because I am the idiot that I am, I was reading through Tany's old blog posts.

'Well maybe everyone would be better off if left.'

Maybe she doesn't try because she thinks I'm better off.
I never thought about that before, but I saw those words and...
it just kind of made sense. I sort of forgot how she could be depressed like that...
whenever I remember things about her, she's always laughing.

I'm not very sad right now.
To use her own words:
I'm empty on the inside.
But not too much.
I've filled back up, slowly.
There's a bit of a way to go still,
but eventually...
And there's a lot of days where I'm full, and myself.
And a couple moments in each day when I'm that way.


I still can't help thinking that I was just a bad friend, though.

Husbandy is sick.
GET WELL SOON HUSBANDY.
<3

Everyone besides me and Jaylin are asleep.
Backyardigans is on, but she is playing video games
in Tylou's room, because he is at school.
Trying to find something to do online
to occupy my time.
Not sure if I'll be going home today.
I think so?
But you never know...

Just at Jenns, chilling.
Nicholas is going to be walking soon, he pulls him self up on the black couch and was standing for a bit, so cute.


Getting my teeth straightened out, apparently.
And mom is going to be getting more money all the time,
so she said she'll probably be giving me 100$ allowance a month.
I think it's well deserved, LOL, obviously.
Since she said I can't work at this place, because
some stupid reason that's stupid and long-winded.

We had grilled cheese and ham sandwiches.
With havarti and cheddar cheese, so yummy.

No idea what I'm wearing today.
It's hott out, we'll probably end up at the park sometime.
Queen's park, to see the animals at the petting zoo and stuff.
They have a water park there too, but I don't think
none of those things open until like may 20'th, sometime around there.

Just looking around lookbook,
hyping things and commenting.
Gotta get dressed.
I'll check in later, though!

Listening to Sea Wolf.
'You're A Wolf'.
I don't listen to this song much.
I don't know why, it's really great.

Probably going to go to bed soon.
Just making a playlist.
Will include Sea Wolf, and Beach House.
That much I know.
Maybe Manchester Orchestra.
Hmm.


Not feeling very great, still.
Just...not thinking about anything at all.

This made my day.

Started working on my guitar midterm.
It will be easy, I've already filled in a couple questions.

I'm feeling very tired and very pathetic.
When I feel a bit better, I'll take a look at my photography first assignment.
I'm going to have to wait until monday to figure out
what's going on with my math course, so.

I'll pull the guitar out and attempt to practice tomorrow.
Or, if I get bored enough, today.
It seems I've run out of things to do.
That's rather depressing.

I really do need some friends.
I just don't know how to go about getting some.
And even then, it will suck to have to start over.
To construct closeness and jokes and the whole 'knowing
everything about each other' bit, will take so much time.

There isn't any going back, though.
So that's really the only thing I can do.

Those words are so much more hopeful
then how I actually feel, though.
Really.

But at the same time, I refuse to be as ridiculous as all this sounds.
I'll be okay, I'm sure.

A lot of the time, I feel like a girl in a music video.
Nothing more then a character, plodding along in time
to the music.
Especially when I listen to songs by Beirut I feel this way.
Just walking and walking and walking, the camera following and
everything for no real reason.
Or like a girl in a movie, or book.
Perfect soundtrack to life, if my
life could be as intricately beautiful and sadly happy.
And especially if I could cut open my brain and just let all the thoughts out for everyone to
see. Only, it wouldn't be in a rude way. Somehow, it would be subtle.
Like wearing a completely white outfit on a summer day when bare feet
are necessary, and the sky is powdery blue and the sun is merely an orange
splash against paper-thin clouds. Only, it wouldn't be seeing that memory
itself, but a crisp polaroid that got lost somewhere in a shoebox.

That's kind of how I feel today.
Very full of things, like thoughts
and emotions and wants and things,
but quiet and simple and tired of it, instead
of being cheerful.

My life is maybe more like a The Mountain Goats song.
Especially 'This Year'. Hard hard hard hard things, and deep
deep deep deep thoughts. Hurting memories, sharp and clear.
But even then, maybe it isn't.
Because that song has a cheerful tone to it despite all those things.
But maybe I'm right, and it's just today that's this way.
But maybe it isn't just today, because yesterday was similar.

"I am gonna make it, through this year if it kills me."

I feel better.
Kind of.
Drained of any energy I possessed earlier, though.
And my school work will have to wait until tomorrow,
because there's some fuck-up.

Life sucks, and then you die, right?

I need Tany.
I try and think that I'm okay without her,
but I'm really not.
I'm lonely and lost and basically friendless.
She always kept me in line.
I don't think things every would've gotten this bad if she were here.

I haven't been able to cry, yet.
I really want to. But I keep getting interrupted.

Sometimes it just feels better to give in.

I suppose I'm going to have to cut most everything I enjoy out of my life.
I have to be 75% done music and guitar by the end of may.
I have my work cut out for me, certainly.

I feel like an idiot for slacking off the rest of the year.
But. I can do it, I know.
I'll just have to get up early everymorning and hit the books hard all day.

A part of me wants to cry right now.
I feel very much like my life is just steadily crumbling away,
and has been doing so for a while.
I'll make it through, though.
And rebuild. And be happy, eventually.

One line from a song springs to mind right now:

"I still believe that change can happen..though, it's hard and it happens slowly."

I feel a bit better listening to Paper Route, too.
It's kind of calming.

Facebook isn't working.

And where is dollface.

Seriously.

Hanging out, Jaylin is being whiney and she's at our house.

This morning she went on a walk all by herself and

ended up on this busy road, very scared of the cars.

Lucky nothing happened.

Ozzie had been at their house, watching the kids while jenn was sleeping,

because she didn't feel good and had been puking from some food she didn't cook enough.

And then he just left to go to his girlfriends, and didn't put the babygate up and she went outside.

Or so I heard.

Took a lot of pics today.

Umm.

I'm bored. ):

Just having some breakfast.
Going to find an outfit,
take a shower and then take the dog out.
After that, I shall do some work on my math.
Write at least the opening paragraph to my photography work.
Then, I will take a break and tidy up my ridiculously messy room.
After that, I am going to go outside and take some pictures.
Then, chill for a bit.
Pull out the guitar sometime later.

I don't think there's anything else I have to do today, so.
This should go without a hitch.

The day was looking lame for a while, but it picked up.

For now: close eyes. reset brain.

"The panic stopped,but still i'm not right.
Racing thoughts & wasted time, it's the same old story line."

Motion City Soundtrack lyrics.

Currently expressing how
bleak my acedemic future is looking currently.
Tomorrow, there will be no excuses.
And, i will not go anywhere at all for many, many days.

I spent my afternoon with the self-timer and multi-shot options and lots of sunshine.

That is by no means the best shot I got, but I love it anyway.

It is heading into evening now.

Wondering where Dollface is.

Did she have something to do today that I forgot about?

Wifi not working?

Grounded?

Hmm.

NTS: on april 29th I will be gone from 8am-5pm doing my foodsafe for my new job.

Was supposed to go sign paperwork today, didn't.

Listening to Pretty.Odd.

Wearing the only black tights I own, that I completely forgot about for a long time.

They fit like a second skin only so comfy, and I just love them.

Expect to see them a lot in the coming days.

Met my tutor this morning, Kelly.

She's very fast. Older then I expected.

We didn't do much of anything important,

really. 35$/hr is very overpriced, methinks.

Finished 'feast of fools' - rachael caine.

REALLY wanna buy the next one soon, because those books

always just leave off with huge cliffhangers that get resolved in the next book, only

for it to be opened up again. LOL.

Started reading 'Envy' but didn't get very far.

It's starting off in a way that screams "Anna Godbersen, you're trying much too hard."

Somethings are right on, but others are just a miss, or mess.

Was reading Petes blog.

Reviewers aren't liking the

political aspect to the show, supposedly.

I liked it well enough, really.

It was a show focused on having hope, and believing in change.

What's wrong with that?

The only thing I would've liked was more energy.

The crowd was going wild and it didn't seem to effect them.

They were just kind of there. It was sort of like watching them on TV, only it wasn't.

Wondering what to wear tomorrow.

Lazy to finish sewing my purse.

Lazy to do much of anything, just kind of hanging around.

Didn't get to do much things that I wanted to do yesterday.

Went to the mall with Jenn, though.
Got some books at the bookstore. One that continues in that
series I read by Rachel Caine? Morganville Vampires or something.
And then the next in The Luxe series, Envy.

Checked out all the usual stores.
Was going to be a tshirt, but decided not to.
Remind me to check out OTW when the sales are on,
I forgot how over-priced that place was, lol.

WE GOT THE JOB AT THE SPORTS/CONCERT PLACE!
Going in today to fill out paperwork.
Training starts next week.
I have no idea of my bosses name, but I was talking to some dude named
Ian on the phone.Sounded very official and secretary like, but nice all the same.
I say official and secretary like because when I called him back he answered with "blahblabhlabahblahblbha, Ian speaking how may I help you?" the blahs,etc. in place of the name of the company that owns the center.
Appearantly, they're big in the US and are started to branch out here.
There's another one somewhere else, or we're the first..I'm not really sure.
The place is just starting, though, so that'll be good to have a job with them from the beginning and hopefully keep it.
I know I'll probably want to keep working there, it depends on jenn.

Woke up, had some left over wings for breakfast.

I'm making a purse.

Started sewing the inner part.

Nicholas crawled a little bit, was so cute.

Stayed up late last night talking to Amy as she worked

to finish her sort-of extra credit project.

Half a postie done,

gotta finish.

Getting home soon.

Plans then: listen to great music.

Take pics outside for LB and FB and here.

Finish posties.

???????????????

^ is what I had for lunch.

A cheese scone, a kiwi and a Vanilla Bean frap from starbucks.

Yum.

I only consumed the drink, kiwi and half of the scone, though.

*CLICKTHEPIC.

Tru faxxz.

I wrote something here, but nevermind about it, I'm just a coward.

Feeling that odd feeling again.
Like sadness, only it isn't.
Trying to break out of such a feeling.
Listening to
Oh No! Oh My!
and
The Format.
as well as other things I mentioned before,
and things that I didn't, Like Tegan and Sara.

Wearing my hoodie I bought the other day.
It's cozy, and keeps my fingers warm the way that is sits but how my thumb is still
useable because of the thumb holes.

In a much better mood then before.
Thinking about how to reply to Dollface's posties.
In desperate need of a shower, my legs are seriously not cooperating with me at all today.
I knew it would be worser pain today then yesterday. I wish I hadn't been right, LOL.

Eating some chocolate.
Candy breakfast for 2 days in a row, fabulous.
Ha.
I'll go eat some real food soon, though.

I get my paycheck on tuesday.
Can't wait.
Not sure what I'm going to buy, though.
I'm a bit in need of a new ipod docking station,
the one I have from before plays the music off of my ipod,
but it doesn't charge it. I was like "HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT
MAKE SENSE. GODDAMN."
So, yeah.

I'm all over the place, currently.
I don't know what to write or
what to feel.

Listening to a broad mixture of things right now as well.
Maybe that's contributing?


'Lines Bleed' - Pony Up!
'On Your Porch' - The Format.
'I Can Barely Breathe' & 'Where Have You Been' - Manchester Orchestra.
'Fever' - Takka Takka.
'Daylight' & 'Lightspeed' - Matt and Kim.
'Another Girl Another Planet' - Blink-182.
'The Carpal Tunnel Of Love' & 'The Take Over, The Breaks Over' - Fall Out Boy.
'Click Click Click Click' - Bishop Allen
'I Don't Know If I'll Be Back This Time' - Sea Wolf.
'How Fuckign Romantic' - The Magnetic Fields.
etc., etc., etc.

"No wonder you hate people. They fall into so many lies you can see right though."

That's probably one of the truest things that've ever been said about me.
And to think it was basically from a very intelligent, but almost complete stranger.

So when you see me falling backwards down the wall that says I'm still alive...

- 'I Can Barely Breathe' - Manchester Orchestra.

It's a depressing song.
But I love this bands style.
And I've been bordering on a depressive mood since
I walked in the house.
It all kind of came rushing at me at once,
and I almost got very sad and angry and caught up
in all the thoughts I tend to think.
But then I just shoved it away and put a smile on my face.
That actually worked, until about 7 when mom was nagging me to
go for a walk with her and the dog.
The sun was in the sky after a day of rain, and the clouds were whiteish gray at the bottom, and pure white at the top with streaks of sunset oranges and pinks.
It was pretty.
But I'd rather have been out there by myself than be walking with my mom.
We had to go at an achingly slow pace,
and the music was on at a low volume.
And she mostly talked about her weekend.
When I spoke, it was of the concert.
She listened, but I don't know.
She never seems to be terribly interested in things that I'm interested in.

No one ever seems terribly interested in things that I'm interested in,
or the things that I think. I feel like I haven't had the sort of conversation I would like at all, lately. Like the words are all resting on my tongue, and in the back of my throat...
and my brain hasn't even registered this, because it doesn't even know what those words are.
I miss Tany.
There are a thousand reasons.
Tomorrow I am going to practice guitar.
Actually going to do it.
I want to be able to sing my own songs,
able to write my own songs.
I think it would help.

Sing, Until Your Lungs Give Out. (Because I pretty much did, last night.)

So tired after last night.
It was just so perfect, except for one thing, but I'll get to that after because
first I need to try and describe just how it was.

Doors were supposed to open at 5:30.
We got to the UBC campus sometime around 3.
Parked (on the fifth level of this one parkade
THAT WAS ACTUALLY SUPER FAR AWAY FROM THE VENUE,
even though we followed this stupid sign that told us to park there.
AND, there was no elevator so we had to walk up and down all those stairs, and it sucked.)
and then walked to Starbucks and got some baked goods,
and some frapp-ey things with 'whip' on them.
Mine was a strawberry flavour.
Extremely sweet, and probably my new favourite thing from
there, because a vanilla latte just doesn't measure up.

So, we stood in line for what turned out to be more like 2 hours then 1 hour and 30 mins.
There were two lines, one for the people in seats and one for the floor,
and we didn't know that at first and were at this long-ish line being like "well, shit."
And laughing at this appreantly drunk man who had a beer and was just LOLing about random shit and talking to himself. We got a video, you'll be able to see it was funny.
Anyway. So we eventually found out about the other line, and then went into it.
And told these other people and then they knew too.
SO, we got into the other line.
And we're continuing on, doing the shit we were doing before, except we couldn't see drunk-dude anymore and eventually he left/maybe got escorted away by security.
And then Jenn is reading the signs on the door from afar (because there were a few people in front of us and the door was a bit away) AND SHE SAW ONE THAT ALMOST RUINED MY WHOLE ENTIRE DAY. "Due to illness, COBRA STARSHIP will not be playing tonight."
or something along those lines.
And it's a tiny-ass sign, and they only had them on the door.
And there was just this SEA of people wearing purple and CS shirts
(I even had mine on) who obviously didn't know about it, because we didn't until
just then. And it was just ridiculous.
And you know whos fault it is?
GABE.
He was puking.
Supposedly for 2 hours straight, the night before or in the morning of something,
so they 'suggested' he go to the hospital, so he did. He'll be fine and everything,
and it's just a short sickness and he'll be better before the next venue, probably.
BUT IT FUCKING SUCKED.
Because I wanted to see them,
I really did.
The show was great, but it was just lacking so much because they weren't there.
THE REST OF THE BAND DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO MAKE ANY APPEARANCE,
THE BASTARDS. They could've done ONE song without him.
Like, I'm sure SOMEBODY ELSE COULD'VE SANG!
Or they could've just popped in and said 'hey', or one of them could've
came out for one of the other bands songs or something!
And really, I was just expecting more from Fall Out Boy.
It felt really rushed. And I saw a video of an American Boy cover they were doing,
at least in europe and asia, etc. but they never played it here.
It was a very toned-down show from the last one I went to, which had all the crazy
graphics and shit on the screen. They had these screen things on the stage,
but I couldn't really see them at all because they were low and a lot of people
in the crowd were tall, so I couldn't see things below the level of peoples heads.

But, enough of complaints.


Hey Monday came on first.
We had to wait forever after we came in to the venue for them to be playing,
because there was still tech shit being done.
But anyway. They came on. I could barely tell what Cassadee was saying,
it was either too loud or too slurred/muddled together.
Not a bad performance, though. They did all their hits.
Pete came out during the second song they played, and everyone went wild.
Even me, just because I knew that soon I would get to see my favourite.

So, anyway.
Hey Monday was on.
And I danced around, jumped some.
Tried to just listen to the music and
enjoy being in the crowd.
We were really close, so it was good.

After them came Metro Station.
And seriously, Miley Cyrus's brother looks totally different in person.
He looks taller on TV, he's kind of short.
And extremely skinny.
Dude, he took his shirt off and he looked like a starving person,
all his ribs were poking out and it was just not attractive at all.
Anyway. They were okay.
Very high energy, but also all over the place
and just very....I don't know. There didn't seem to be any certain direction they were going with anything, they were just kind of like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
And stuff. And the dude would always be like "SCREAM IT," and like, expect everyone to sing along but I didn't know the words.

It was funny, because in those parts I was like "I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS, BUT, I LIKE TO SING ALONG!" and everyone around me LOL'd. It was like that whenever we were waiting, I made jokes and it was funny. One ugly chick got pissed off at my jokes and said I was being bitchy,
and it was funny because I just made her look stupid.

So, after Metro Station came All Time Low.
They played the one song I like a lot from them,
Six Feet Under The Stars or something.
It was good, they sound pretty good live.
I sang along to the parts I knew, and just danced around and had fun, w/e.
They played what would be most of their normal set. But then they had extra time because Cobra wasn't there (like, wtf. give the extra time to FOB, thanks. =/ )
and they asked what song they should sing. One guy raised his hand, and they were like "okay, dude in the purple sweater!" and he was like "A BLOWJOB SONG."
And they were like "WTF SONG IS THAT!"
and it was amusing, the guy that sings or whatever kept making jokes the whole time and stuff.
so they made up a song about that right on the spot.
I taped most of it, and just LOL'd.

AND GUESS WHO I SAW IN THE CROWD. During Metro Stations set, I think, I noticed someone familiar near me.
It was Nick Stanley, who I was in theatre company with.
And then I looked beside him, and I saw MATT.
Who I had a crush on, remember?
YES, HIM.
Did I mention I saw him a few months back?
We were at the guildford wal-mart and i guess he works there.
Anyway.
YES, HIM.
And I couldn't even help but stare a little bit, it was just so weird
and out of the blue and he is just cute.
And so whatever.
I went back to enjoying the show and whatever, but later I was looking out of the corner of my eye and saw Matt nodding over to me, telling his brother or whatever.
I almost didn't see them, because Nick got as tall as Matt (before he was only a little bit taller then me) and he was wearing his hair differently.
I should've known they would've been there, they both love FOB.
So anyway. I tell jenn "I know those guys there, from school."
And then later, while we were waiting for All Time Low, the crowd had shifted and Nick was no where to be seen, and Matt had ended up so he was on the other side of us, with Jenn basically beside him and me behind Jenn.
And I like whispered to her, I'm like "Dude, I've had a crush on him for like ever."
And SHE TOLD HIM. And he didn't even so much as look at me,
I wanted to die for a few minutes there.

But anyway. We met this chick from Alberta, probably my age or a year older.
She flew in for the show, and we found out she flys all over for shows all the time.
Close places, at least. Her parents take her, and I thought that was just so cool.
Like a while ago she saw Lady Gaga in seattle and said the show was good.
I told her about seeing Marianas Trench a coupld weeks back, and she seemed impressed by that. We kept talking to her all the time and stuff, but during All Time Low, the moshing started getting more ferocious. We were on the back end of the pit, trying to stay out of it but they kept smashing into us, and everyone just kept pushing them far away into other people.
Some stupid bitch kept stepping on jenns foot/ankle and ended up really hurting it.
Jenn was wearing flats, and her feet kept getting stepped on and she ended up spraining her ankle and she was in a lot of pain and had to go sit down, so for a long while I was by myself in the crowd. Hoda was there (chick from alberta), so I had someone to talk to at least.

Umm.
OH, and All Time Low, talked a bit about how
great it was Blink-182 was reuniting, and played a song by them.
I don't remember which one, but i know the words to it because I sang along.
I sang along to every song. More or less screaming the words then anything else.
I was honestly trying to lose my voice, because i never have but I didn't.
My lungs are sore, though.
Because during all the dancing/jumping/screaming I just couldn't get enough air and my heart was pounding. I couldn't feel it though, couldn't really feel anything at all I was just completely consumed by the music.
ESPECIALLY WHEN FOB CAME ON.
I screamed and screamed and screamed when the intro video was on that they always have, and then they came out and they were playing...and I don't even remember what song was first.
I just remember how perfect it was. How I could FEEL the music. It was so loud, it made the baggy part of my jeans vibrate against my legs. It was so loud, I could hear it thumping in my chest and pressing into my ears. And the crowd was all around me, and they were RIGHT there, on the stage, so close...so, so close. And I was so happy.
It felt like home, it felt like everything I want to be, everything I want to think about, everything I want to feel. Everything that was crap about the past few months, just didn't exist.
I remember, they opened with Disloyal Order, and I'm pretty sure they played Thriller next.
And because of an inside joke I have with jenn, I was jumping and my hand was in a peace sign, instead of the trademarked other thing that I don't even know the meaning of. But anyway, I had been doing that the entire time. But I did it more for FOB, because I wanted them to notice me. To see me, and somehow just know. Just know how much I loved them and their music and how there isn't even a word for how I felt at the show. I took a ton of videos. Mostly just snippets, but I got Headfirst Slide in full, for dollface. I got Jenn to tape it, actually, though.
I'm pretty sure I got some of beat it on video, but my camera battery was at like nothing when I was taping that, and the camera ended up DYING right before I had a chance to stop recording, so I don't have any idea.

And it was just so much fun.
Here's a rough version of the songs they played, some in order but some I didn't remember their placement because by that time in the night, I was exhausted from standing up for 7 hours straight and from all the jumping around/ dancing.

Disloyal Order of Buffaloes/ Thriller/ I Dont Care/ A Little Less 16 Candles/Grand Theft Autumn/ Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown On a Bad Bet/I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy.../Sugar were goin down/ The Takeover The breaksover/ This aint a scene/ Beat It/America's Suite Hearts/ Dance Dance/ Saturday/

Jenn made a heart with her hands at Joe, and he pointed right at her.
I kept making peace signs through the whole thing,
and during Saturday, Patrick did them a couple times.
It could've been because there's a couple times in that song where there is the word 'two', but I'd like to think it's more that it wasn't just my imagination seeing him looking right at me for a split second at times through out the show, and that he had noticed me while i was jumping as high as I could (I'm actually a high jumper when I want to be, and I had my head above others and my arms waay up in the air)...and so, I'm going to think like that because I want to.

Will post pics and videos later.
I will make sure to actually upload the videos, etc.
I'm just so tired. And sore.
Every thing is sore, but I don't care.
I was so happy yesterday, I could've cried.
Everything was just perfect.

OH.
And, even though there was a huge lacking of Cobra Starship,
I know Gabey was there in spirit.
Because someone threw a bra up on stage before Metro Station.
And it actually looked a bit like one I have, LOL.













Also: I wonder where Dollface is.
Hmm.

SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THE CONCERT.
DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR.
PROBABLY THIS NEW DC HOODIE I GOT.
AND UMM...JEANS, OR SOMETHING IDFK.
WHATEVER.
EXCITED!
EXCITEDD!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

At Jenns house.
We basically quit the job,
it was just so ridiculously boring.

It was funny though.
Our last day we went,
I really didn't want to be there.
That was like, the last time I talked to
Dollface, I think (*cry*)...
anyway.
So, then mom walked by me and was like
"Wow, you feel hot. How are you feeling?"
And I was like "Oh...fine. I do feel warm, though..."
And then me and Jenn were sitting
near each other,
and we were like plotting a way to get out of staying for the last
two hours. LOL.
So then, they went out for a smoke break.
And I hadn't taken any breaks yet, so
I went out there and sat with them in the car.
And we ate some chips and tried
to convince mom.
And then, Jenn and mom went in for something.
And then they came back, and we got mom to
go back and tell them, the reason being I had
caught 'whatever jenn had had the day before'.
And I was like, pretending to puke.
We were in the far side of the parking lot,
and I had the door open was like kind of hanging out.
And I'd be like, making all these noises and spitting and stuff.
And Jenn came out to my side and was standing there like she
was helping me,
and I'd make some noises and then I'd like pause,
and we'd both start LOLing quietly.
And then I ate some chips, and chewed and chewed and then I
spit it out all near by, and we LOL'd and then made more noises and pretended and it
was so stupid, but we were seriously like loling and I'm surprised they even
believed us.
And like, our bosses boss (the campaign manager Jenny)'s assistant
Donald came out. And he's really nice, and dresses nicely and he's just this polite asian dude with messy hair.
And just as he was coming out,
I had gotten more chips and was chewing and like, I had to quickily pretend and spit,
and it just came out in like 2 chunks and so gross.
And it was just like, stupid and omg.
But it was fun.

Anyway.
Got my peroid.
SUCKS.
Because fall out boy is in like 2 days.
And I feel like shit right now.
I'll feel better by then, hopefully.

Nicholas is almost crawling, it's so cute.
And he's just such a good boy.
He was laying on the floor, just watching TV.
And he fell asleep! And it was just so cute, he was laying there on the floor
all perfect.

Tried to go home last night, but mom wanted me to stay another night.
Because the other day she got some money, and she gave me like 60 dollars.
(40 she lent to jenn, and jenn was going to give it back to me and that'd be my concert spendings.) but then she wanted it back later, of course, and everything was just stupid.
And I ended up crying, and everything was just lame.
And jenn was like "tell her if there's no groceries your just going to stay here because that's not fair, and we have food."
And I did, so now she's been keeping me over here, wisely.
Will probably end up there tonight, though.
Umm...
yeah.

Woke up at around 9:30.

Went to bed at 1.

I blame the warm weather.

Or rather, thank it.

Yesterday was a beautiful day.

It was warm, really warm.

We had the a/c on in the car and everythingg,

it was great.

So...yeah.

Going to get some school work done today.

Thinking about taking a walk later though to

this gully that I used to go to when Jenn lived nearby.

I was thinking of...

That picture that I took when I was at a different park when I was with Tyler,
and I just got to thinking about the other 'park', and how much bigger and interesting it was.
And how there was the creek running through the whole thing, so I'd probably get some
good shots. So, thinking about walking over there one day.
Probably by myself, it'd be too far for Tyler to want to. But whatever. He's more a nuisance anyway when I want to take pics.

Work tonight at 5-9.
I really hate it, it's
so boring and just, bleh.
I like how everyone is though.
How this one cause has just brought
so many people together and how every
minor victory is something they cherish.
I've never understood how people
are so weird about politics, because
to me it seemed that (here, at least)
all the candidates were rather the same and
things didn't change much from one party to the other
when one was incharge of something and then later
another was.

So, when I've got some spare time
I'll probably start actually reading up on
some things. I'll be old enough to vote in 3 years,
should probably get to know how I'm going to support
and such, right?
My mom/family/etc. has never been much on voting,
so. Meh.
Just something I've been thinking about lately.
Mostly, in an effort to make my job less boring.
Because I might as well learn something through all this, right?

Right.

I've been saving smiles for you.

Feeling...meh.
Happy, but kind of..blank.
I don't know.
I don't know what it is, but I just haven't felt right lately.

Going to walk the dog soon.
Get home, take a shower.
Eat one of the appealing apples that is in the kitchen...
pick clothes for tomorrow and for work tomorrow.
Kind of don't want to work, LOL.
So boring.
But, meh.
We'll see.


Have been spending the last couple days at jenns.
The dinner I went to was boring, and the food was bland.
Jaylin was a crapbag, and it was just lame.

When I got back to Jenns, we made prawns.
She didn't know to take the shell and legs off, so I had to do it
after they were cooked.
Pretty gross, but they tasted good.
We made them again with dinner the next night.
with lemon and garlic marinated pork chops, mushroom rice,
and salad. I made the salad, it was yummy.
I have a pic, I'll upload some soon.

Today we had lasagna.
I woke up early, at like 9.
Kind of tired ,to bed early probably.

Might read a book or something.
I dunno. I'm glad payday is the 9.
FOB is on the 11, so. I'll have money to spend regardless of anything else.

LOL.
Seriously, drinking wine.
Tastes better then what I had at thanksgivingg.
We're having lasagna for dinner.
So..yeah. Just hanging out.
Mhm.

Lots of stories to tell eventually.

Just gotta get ready for workk.
Don't really feel like going.
Yesterday, I don't know what was wrong,
but I just didn't feel right.
Kind of the same today,
I don't know.

Had fruit loops for breakfast,
and a small piece of pie.
Um.
Don't know what I'm wearing.
Will be home early,
we're workin 10:30 - 2-30 today.

Jenn and I made prawns last night.
She put them in the pan without taking the shell or legs off.
I had to do it after they were cooked,
pretty gross.
But Jenn refused, and Chris doesn't like seafood and
wasn;t having any so he wasn't going to do it.
And I wanted some, so I was like "whatever."

AND EVEN THOUGH IT WAS GROSS AND TOOK SOME TIME TO
GET IT DONE, IT WAS GOOD.

Mhm.
I suppose you could say, I ripped their feet off.
I think that THAT should be the highest on a scale
of torture that starts with shooting and then goes to stabbing.
Because ripping, I mean, really.


LOL.
Yeah.
Sounds like dollface is having a goodday.
Hopefully I get to talk to her later,
she isn't online right now.

I'm not street, but I do what I gotta do.

Lol.
Wearing my favourite dress just as a cardigan today.
Looks greatt.
Thinking about how i haven't blogged lately.
But I have had things to do and have had things to think about lately.

Like, I have a job.
Tele-surveying about the election that's soon
to be called.
For the liberals, good money for just
mostly getting no answer.
Talk laterr.
Lazy to type.

Heard a new cobra starship song today.
Didn't make my bad day any better, really.

I don't want to talk about it, either.
I don't really know why I'm having a bad day,
everything just sucks.

Q: "Are you coming with us?" A: "Yeah, as soon as I FINLAND this sandwich."

---

FINLAND:

(noun,verb,adjective,etc.)

Because things from there are FINNISH, and you FINISH things.


And also, because Mark Hoppus came up with it
and suggested on his twitter to make it a thing.
SO MAKE IT A THING, GOD DAMN.

You don't, don't know you're a legend???!!!

Dressed, feelling cute.
Happier then I was a few minutes ago.
This will be a good birthday.

Listening to FAD, not so pissed about the snow.
Hair is a little fluffy, but fuck it.

Umm.
IDK.
Trying to take picz.

It is my birthday.



Lots of things going on.

More later, gotta get dressed for lunch w/ Judy.



Dollface made me a card, kind of.

LOL.

I <4>