We're staring at all these lights...and I am going blind.

- 'Panda Bear' by Owl City.

Anyway. So, I read this one blog that's FILLED with pictures from artists.

It's AMAZING.

And I thought I'd share some of the shots I found off of there, and then write about why I like them. WHY? Because I have absolutely nothing else to do. Sad, huh?

So..I WAS going to talk about what I like. Then I realized how many there were and I was like 'fuck it.'

So think what you want about them.

And if you really are dying to know, ask me and I'll tell about my thoughts.

(NOTE: believe it or not, ALL of those are done by totally pro photog's.)

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

That was out of this HILARIOUS e-mail I got from my mom's friend Judy.

I'm on her um..I dunno. She gets like all these cute little things from other people, or if she like...sees something neat on the 'net, she'll send it around to people. I'm on that list.

I don't get the 'dirty' ones, but if I'm with my mom when she's checking her mail she'll read them out if they're good. So..yeah.

Here's another one, that I was suprised to find was like reading about parts of my life, lol.

And I was like "What, they don't do this sort of thing in other places?"

What it means to be A British Columbian
We love it here and wouldn't change it for anything.

1. You know the provincial flower (Mildew)

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

3. You use the statement 'sunny break' and know what it means.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'Walk' signal.

8. You consider that if it has no snow, it is not a real mountain.

9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Esquires, and Tim Horton's.

10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

11. You know how to pronounce Squamish, Osoyoos, Nanaimo and Tsawwassen.

12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.

13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean and Thai food.

14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.

15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain, 'and' Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'

17. You cannot wait for a day with 'showers and sunny breaks'.

18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

19. You know that Dawson Creek is a town, not a TV show.

20. You can point to at least two ski mountains, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

21. You notice 'the mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

22. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 5, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

23. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 10, but keep your socks on

24. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

25. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

26. You recognize the background shots in your favourite movies & TV shows.

27. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.

28. You measure distance in hours.

29. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in your car in the same day.

30. You use a down comforter in the summer.

31. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.

32. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. (I don't have a kid, I know. But I always had to wear a coat over my h-ween outfits. =/ )

33. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer) & Raining Again (Fall).

Seriously. I never use an Umbrella, I always need new sunglasses... etc.etc.

And the summer before last, it was cold enough to use my thick blankets.

Not to mention everything else.

I never thought of it as something that was done 'here'

It was just..life, you know?

Well. Alright. I just got a cute picture out of another email.

I guess that's what this post is going to be.

I didn't mean to make it thise way, I just...

I dunno. Saw the first q&a thing, and was like 'OH! THAT'S SO FUNNY!'

and now...it's escaltated. XD

Click on it to make it bigger.

Is cute right? I kind of want that neighbourhood. I'd get awesome pics all the time.

So. Yeah.

The other day me and Tany went ''back to school''

shopping.

Which is just a fancy name for ' we went and bought school supplies even though we don't really need it'.

Lol.

Anyway.

I drew a bunch of stuff, so I thought I'd put it up.

A pic of desserts for Tany,And the thing David said, A poster for Tany about how will can't swim, some lyrics from the song 'Do It Again', and um...Some random summery chick. The stickey note beneath it is the bottom of the one with the girl. It says 'Summer's over' and a bunch of stuff.

Some lyrics from 'Hide and Seek'...meh. Boring stuff , I guess.

Hm..today was a good day.

I fulfilled my wish to make it good.

I haven't showered yet, so..IDK.

I probably should soon.

Only it might be too late.

That'd suck.

I feel...warm.

Hm.

Not much to say.

I'm sort of too tired to blog.

I want to sleep but TAN won't let me.

):

Tany has a blog.

This a post about my current life.
Because I got sick of thinking about camp.

Anyway.
I was thinking today, and...I've been a pretty shitty friend lately.
Constantly breaking promises. Talking about killing objects of affection.
Needing forgiveness countless times for all the stupid things...
and support. Like crazy, I've been leaning on them.

I can't figure out if I'm just...in some rut, or if I just...am a crap friend.

Because on one hand, fall is on it's way.
That's got me frustrated.
It's already been raining like crazy.
Soon, the sun will be so rare...
I'm worried about being able to brave the winter and not go there.
Because this summer has been awesome. And oh-so happy.

And on the other, I've just...been slipping.
I used to think I was a really good friend, but...no.
Contemplating this, I'm only like..alittle over semi-okay.
I think I could do better. I want to show my bffs that I can be there for them.
That I can be as much for them as they are for me.
Because honestly, I wouldn't be anywhere without Dollface and Tany.

Tany; you aren't stupid. No matter what you'd like to believe, you aren't. Even if I sometimes agree, it's not true. Sometimes I just get frustrated by your lack of knowledge. That doesn't make you stupid, and I wish you would stop thinking that you are stupid and that you need my approval and 'Oh, Alicia is so great!'
You aren't lame. The tips you ask me for all the time are my lame attempt to try and get you to think for yourself. You always say you apply yourself to things, but I think you could do better. And I think you could be greater and more amazing then you already are. And I think that deep down, you know all of this but don't want to admit it because it would change things, and change you...and in the end, there wouldn't be much going back.
But I think it'll be a good change.
Also, you are funny. And I don't laugh at you most of the time. Mostly I'm laughing with you.
Love you, best friend.

Dollface; Hm. Where do I even start with you. I'm sorry.
Yeah, that works. I'm sorry that I wasn't on time yesterday. And I'm sorry that I haven't made time for you lately. It was thinking about you that got me to write this whole post, to be honest.
I just started with Tany because I already knew what I wanted to say to her.
With you, all I can do is appologize, and try to explain. And also, to thank. But that'll come later.
Yesterday, was a crap day. The second I got off the computer and tried to get dressed, it all just went down hill. Because all of my clothes, I just...hate them. And so many of my shirts don't fit because I got taller. And my favourite dress' strap got ruined forever ago and I barely have any shoes! And...I feel like I've been wearing the same outfit or slight veriations of it forever. And that is so frustrating. It took me like an hour to get showered and dressed, and my outfit wasn't even 'BAM' like it usually is. It was just kind of 'oh....that's....nice...' And, I lost my iPod. Which sucks. Hard. I moped about that pretty much the rest of the day, and just didn't have it in me to try and...just...do what I should've done. And what I should've done is hustle my ass back home ASAP. But, I didn't. And none of those things are any excuse. You mean a lot to me. You're pretty much always there when I need you, and you always know what to say. And you can always cheer me up. Your posts are hilarious, always. And I even like your evilness. I'm sorry about bashing you on your music all the time. I shouldn't do that. Like whatever you want. But know that if you ever want something new, I've got plenty. I'm sorry if you have to assure me of things a lot. I don't mean to be so underconfident sometimes. I know I'm awesome. It just helps sometimes to hear someone else say it. Thanks, for everything. Still liking about me even after I told you about my mom and everyone doing what they do. And sticking by even when I'm a super bitch. For being selfless so many times. For not trying to convert me into believing something I don't want to believe. Just...thanks. You're a good friend, and I'm lucky to have you.

Anyway.
So yeah. Lost my ipod, didn't finish my homework...
just kind of spiraling right now. A free fall, of sorts.
I don't know exactly when I made the jump, but...
things are different. Camp always does this, I think.
I guess the words are true.

'Sometimes you lose yourself, and it take someone else to find you again.'

Except for it's a place that finds me. And it's the people that make me want to change myself.
I can take the high road, amazingly enough. Because I did it all 6 days I was in my rainy paradise. And...I can find the happy spot in so many things.
I'm strong, I guess. Stronger then I thought, anyway.
Maybe the gloomy months won't be so gloomy afterall.

I'm going to make today 'the' day.
You know, that kind of day that makes you smile and you remember as one of those just..regular days. But it's a good day, because it IS the same. And sometimes, that alone it enough to make me content.

Cabin Mates.

Cassie
Johnna
Nicole
Kayleigh
Tory
Kaitlyn
Kathleen
Courtney
Rachel.

OH & Popped a blood vessel in my eye.
I think it happened because I got some
bug spray in my eye.
So watch that that.
NIGHTY NIGHT
LOVE Alicia.

-ZAP time-
(After lunch day 2 )

Totally homesick.
I was waaay to optimistic about my cabin mates.
I thought 'Oh, when I know everyone better
it will be better.' Lies. That thought is totally
false. Most everyone is just more of a bitch.
It's just like my first sesh.
I was just about completely alone there.
And yeah. I'm just about there again.
I have Cassie, but she is still seperate from me, somehow.
I think that in conflict,
she wouldn't come to my defence.
Everytime I hear whispers or laughter,
I feel / know it's about me.
As the hours wear on,
I am feeling more and more discouraged.
I'm trying to be like them.
Trying to like the same things they like.
Voice my opinions and ideas.
They deny me.
Shut me down. There is no way anyone could say I'm not trying hard enough.
I just wanted to have a good time. But it's getting harder harder to be cheerfu and uncaring of their insults and slights.
Everytime someone says something to me, their words are more and more pointed.
Sharper. I miss Tany & Amy.
Next year, Gowri had better come with me. Even if I have to pack her in my suitcase...
Next sesh, I WILL have a good friend here.
I miss my iPod. Music is such a a useful tool. The simple sound makes it so easy to shut peope out.

This morning we did canoeing.
Cassie has her period, so.
She didn't want to get in the water.
I had to be with Tory.
She had no fucking clue what she was doing.
I told her to brace the boat, and what does she fucking do?
SHE GETS OUT.
If there is anything you shoudn't do in a canoe,
it's stand up and get out.
Especially when I was trying to get in.
She only knew how to paddle on one side,
my arms ache from all the repeated action.
And when I asked her to swtich me,
she flat out refused.
I could only paddle one way for so long. I was kind of bitchy
to her. "Yeah okay, don't even try." I said. Then she got even more bitchy.
And because we coudn't turn on the one side because Tory woudn't padde on the other side,
it took forever to turn and get where we needed to go. Eventually Candice made her try. And even then, Tory wouldn't listen to me even though it was obvious I knew what I was doing and she didn't.
She didn't communicate at all. That was so fucking frustrating.
I'd ask her what she wanted to do, she'd say she didn't know. I'd suggest something, she wouldn't answer me.
And when we were carrying the boat, she just put it down.
You're supposed to go '1...2....3..' and then put it down together.
So she just put the boat down, and I have to have all the weight on me while I tried to put it down.
I tried to be polite.
I did pretty well.
Everytime someone is a bitch to me, I just shut up and smile.
Which is hard. Like when we were cleaning after breakfast.
Nicole wrote a sign (using MY paper and pen)
for nurse Joadie.
She put 'your' instead of 'you're'
And when I said "It's supposed to be 'you're' because-" she just cut me off and asked if it mattered.
I said it did, and she just was a bitch and shut me out.
I was so angry.
I just went inside, and tried to cam down and not cry.
I didn't cry. so that's good.
They just treat me so crappy.
Everytme I make a mistake or do something 'stupid' or 'weird'
they treat me like I'm a retard.
They add everything I do that's 'wrong' onto this imaginary list of pros and cons.
Ateast that's what it feels like.
Let's talk about something else.
Fuck it.
I'll just cut this off here.

-----
I know that getting hung up on a grammatica error is lame.
But if you're going to do something extra, do it right!
It wouldn't have been that difficut to add in an apostrophe and an e.
I just...I don'r understand. She was the older one.
She shoud've been the one to realize she was being an ass and just give in.
I had to bend. I had to let it go and walk away.
I knew she knew I was right.
I think she thinks I was purposey making her look stupid.
I wasn't. I was only trying to help. No way is it my fault I'm smarter then her.
I'm proud though. I took the high road. That could've gotten ugly,
but I was smart and realized it was in no way worth it.
Go me.

------

-Bed Time -
Upper campfire went well.
Talked to Johnna about bands & potential OT site,
Eagles landing.
It's supposedy beautiful.

CITY AND COLOUR = FABULOUS.
In both our opinions.

Dinner was yummies.
Potatoes and chicken and peach juice.

Sleeping in my fox tank and the same red shorts
from yesterday.

SALMON RUN.

Yeah yeah yeah.

LOVE Alicia.

Also: rest of today was great tastic.

-----
Note: Johnna's taste in music is actually horribe.
She only listens to mainstream.
She likes the Jonas Brothers.
Her boyfriend looks like Joe Jonas and has bushy eyebrows.
Ew.
-----

And more.

LOL. Not time for bed yet.

So...yeah. Just got inturrupted by talk of
Jacob > Edward. Oh yeah.
I'm itchy. I think a misky bit me. D:
Very tired.
The rain is so much louder here.
It sounds like I'm outside.
My pillows are damp.
It sucks hard.
Really really hard.

I hope there's muffins at breakfast.
And hot chocolate.
And...IDK.
I'd settle for pancakes and juice.
I found a spring / hook on the bottom of the bed above me.
I hung my flash from there and its working pretty great.
Grass fleas bit me.
That sucked hard.
I have I have 15 minutes left of lights.
I shall...draw a picture I guess.

-insert picture here-

OT by water maybe. Going to go to sleep.
Night.

----

I remember that night so clearly.
The dampness, and how comfy my PJs were.
How there was sand on my standard issue plastic matress...
the calm.
The sound of the rain pounding away at the roof like it wanted to burst in and drown us all.
And even if that happened, it would be cool and amazing and..magical.
Everything at camp is like magic.
Even riding home in my Dad's beat-up truck is magical.
And the rain is homey.
Camp is paradise, even if sometimes I don't see it right away.
I love everything about it, even the not to great parts.
It's all just...part of the experience.

FYI, we did have pancakes for breakfast one day.
No hot chocoate though, sadly.
Muffins on the last day.
I had a cornmeal one to start and it was delicioso.
Yeah.

continuing from where I left off.

They're probaby going to tell me to go to bed soon.
Or rather, everyone.

No chatting tonight,
Candice is going
to be sleeping in our
Cabin.
Not that I mind.
I'm so tired, IDC.

It's raining some more.
It's been raining alot.

To bed, wearing
red boxers I stole from James,
and my teal Old Navy Tank.
Happy Bunny Socks.
Hair in a bun.
I took a pic.
I also took a pic of me in my war paint from mass game.

K, night.
LOVE Alicia.

Sometimes, you lose yourself. And sometimes it take someone else to find yourself again.

Or something. That's what the hot guy from resource (DAVID) said, anyway.
But I can't tell you about that yet.
So you'll just have ta wait.
SO HAHA.

Anyway. I wrote down a bunch of stuff, so...
I'll type it out.
As is.
Hopefully you'll...understand.

-------

-Just got up to NISKA Cabin-

Counsellors are totally awesome.
Megan & Candice.

10 cabinmates. So far, one quiet girl called Cassie is being friendly.
I'm on the bottom bunk.
Cabin looks like this.

(insert picture here)

I'm going to go take pics. Brb.


K. Took a pi of out the window.
Settled into bed, observing.
I wanted to be out there,
insane and hyper.
But it's kinda hard when I don't rlly know anyone.
TTYL, Going 2 lunch soon.


-Lunch Day 1-
Tuna Sandwiches.
Veggies.
Peach / ice tea.
Water.

-NIGHT (before bed) -

Spirit fire was fabulous.
Sunf the 'that's 70's show'
theme, noly remixed.

'Hanging out, at the beach.
Same old things
we did last year.
Lots of things to do,
we'll sing to you.
We're all alright.
We're all alright.
HELLO CAMP POTLATCH!'

Cassie and me are friends.
Everyone else is semi-unfriendly.
But one girl (Johnna) is nice.
I like her, even though
I thought I wouldn't.

SALMON RUN 2MRW.
YAY!

Oh. Did swim test. Got my lvl 2.
next sesh, so going for 3.

Mass game was capture the flag-esque.
Fell down and hurt my ankle some.

Um...life guard is hot.
So is resource guy David.
AND THEY PLAY GUITAR.

Oh bby. ;D

(k/j. That was for dollface. XD)





------

K. So...bored of blogging. I'll finish writing what I put down later. Because there is alot.
See ya.

Just got home from camp.
I need to sort out all the stuff I wrote down in my notebook, so..hold on and I'll do that in a bit.
I need to download some music and start constructing a new playlist for Dollface.
So uh...yeah.
I dunno.
I just...The Jonas Brothers make me want to vomit.

So brb, or something.

Dollface has a blog.

So... last night, I threw up again.
Chocolate milk.
Yum.
roflamo.
So not.

Anyway. I woke up feeling pretty okay, and I've eaten and held it.
So...I'm good to go.
Saw the doctor.
It was totally fucking fucked up.
It was some new one, Dr. Bhatt or whatever.
He had a british accent and was brown.
Yeah, I know. Nonsense. Sort of.
Anyway.
Wanted us to pay 40$ because he filled out a form.
That makes sense, right?
NO. IT DOES NOT.
We didn't pay though. And we have the forms.
So all is good.
We lied though, and he let us so whatever.
He wasn't that much of a jerk because he let us get away with it.

Hung out with Gowri all day.
We went to the usual food spot, ate stuff.
We had some new server.
IDk what his name was. Anyway.
He comes up to our table RIGHT after we sit down.
"Do you guys want anything to drink?"

"No."

And he just stood there. Like, seriously. I said 'no' and he stood there for like ten seconds
just..stood there.
And it was funny, because my tone was totally..just..firm.
So then I was like "We'll get something later."
And he walked away.
Of course, we started laughing immediately after that.
And then after we figured out what we wanted, Tany's mom was like
"Okay, call her..."
The waiter, she meant.
AND HE WAS NOT A SHE.
So that was funny.
And Gowri of course had to go on about that and call him a chick behind his back.
Which was fun.
Ummm...
OH!
And then Tany wanted some lemonade, so when the guy came back she was like
"Do you have pepsi?"
"No, we have coke."
"Do you have lemonade?"
"Yes."
"Is it pink or yellow?"
"Yellow."
"Does it have seeds?"
*laughing* "No."
"Does it have pulp?"
"Well..very little if there is any."
"Is it freshly squeezed?!"
*laughing* "No, it's minute maid."
*unhappy* "Well..alright. I guess that'll do.
I'll have one of those, and she'll have another orange juice."

Made me LOL so hard.
And it was my idea, so it shouldn't have.
IDK. Gowri just has this way about her...
she thinks that she isn't funny, but that's a total lie.

I've just finished packing, sort of.
I need to zip up the suitcase. But I don't want to do that until I'm sure I've got everything.
So, that'll be in a few.

*NOTE TO SELF. DO NOT FORGET SUNGLASSES.
THEY ARE ON THE FLOOR NEAR MY BED.
DO NOT FUCKING FORGET THOSE THINGS, DUDE.*

KKKK. Um.
Yes.
So, I'm documenting all of my trip in film.
It shall be fantastique.
I kind of have to anyhow, because Tany wanted to see the food.

I'm kind of hoping mom will clean my room while I'm gone.
It's a complete disaster, like, seriously.
Um..yes.

No deep thoughts, today.
I'm too hyped up.
You're lucky you even got this, losers.
=/

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHRIIIIIIIIGHT.
The last post I make before I leave shall be pretty much empty.
It's just a spot for Tany and Dollface (if she wants to. I already asked T, and she said yes, so.)
to post me comments on that one of how their days go for the week I'm gone.
And like..IDK. if there is someone else out their reading this that I don't know,
they'll have something to keep them interested in.

Bye for noooowwww......
;D

Gowri was sick yesterday.
She told me about how she ended up puking on some stupid little kid.
I found that hilarious, and laughed so hard I almost puked again.
Anyway.
I've become entranced by the postsceret community.
I'll put up my favourite ones, and write about why I like them....
RIGHT NOW.

It's interesting to look at, for one. For two, it's something I would never admit I did. But that's obvious, since they're all supposed to be secrets. Anyway. This made me LOL pretty hard. And then, I stopped. Because I realized that unlike so many things, it was probably true.

This one makes me not so angry when people are staring.


If you're ugly, I promise not to reject you. Beauty can come from near death. Who'd a thunk it? certainly not me. But I likey. (:

I do this. It's kinda sad, now that I think about it.

Note to self: the new laundry stuff we have has a smell that is revolting.
Get dad to never buy that one again.

Sooo tired.
And sick.
Fucking stupid heat.
Because I walked to and from Gowris house back-to-back,
in the sun, I got heat stroke / sun stroke whatever the hell you call it.
My stomach has hurt for hours, and I finally puked.
It was gross.
All purple from all the grape pop I drank yesterday and this morning.
And goopy, from the lucky charms I had for breakfast.
My throat feels raw, and bleedy.

I was watching some of the olympics yesterday.
It was fun.
And that one Canadian guy in swimming, he was good.
Cochren or some lame last name.
IDK.

Um..new music.
Imogen Heap,
Leah Andreone,
You, Me, And Everyone We Know,
Kevin Devine.
Meh.
OH. And danger is my middle name.
XD

Okay so...yes.
I'll probably go to sleep soon.
Which will be amazing.
It's only 8pm.
o:

YESYESYESYESYESYESYSEYSEYSEEYYYESSYYYEESSS.
Y-E-S.

Okay, so like..
I watch SYTYCD, right?
Right.
And in season two, there was this song...
and everytime that episode came on I was just..entranced.

WELL I FOUND THE SONG.

'Lamenation' by Leah Anreone.
Or whatever.
Anyway, it's amazing.
And upon listening more recently (like..now)
I think it's about sex.
ROFL.
But idk.
And idc.

So...I'll post a url to the blog that helped me find this later.
PEACE FOR NOW, BITCHES.


Update:
Camp on the 19, not 18. =/

This picture was taken a few days ago. To put it simply, it makes me feel 'like a boss'
Lol. Like I'm more important then usual. Like I'm a model and like I'm amazing.
I could do with more intensity in my eyes, and better light and...etc,etc.
But whatever. I like it despite it's flaws. This one was taken awhile ago. After I got home from staying at Jenn's. When she straightened my hair and all? Yeah. I like how you can't see my face, but you can, because of the mirror. I like the look I've got on. I like how different I look. Like..somehow, the mirror me looks more beautiful then the me that's just in the picture. IDK, but... I feel that alot. I'll be in the bathroom after I just get up, all wide-eyed and puffy lipped, looking at my reflection thinking 'Why can't this girl be the same girl that gets on film?' And there we go. Here is a glimpse of that girl.

I like this picture because it feels like it shouldn't have been taken. Like I wasn't ready. Like I was reluctant. And yet, it works. I wasn't ready but it was good. Spontaneous, but still somehow near perfect. Well. Okay, it's not a prefect picture. But it's better then alot of the ones of me.

Been thinking about promoting my blog.

You know, getting some more readers.

But I dunno. If one of my own Best Friends seems to be uninterested,

how are other people supposed to be?

"You've got my head spinning
heart beating out of my chest.

I'm a sucker for lovers,
for lovers."

As I write this, that's what is playing.
'I Don't Know About You, But I Came To Dance' - FTSK.
It's fun. I likey. :3

But today, I was more into 'so contagious' - Acceptance.
Mostly because I was thinking deep thoughs about Mom and Dad and..life.
I know that I don't think about how mad they make me. There's so many things, and I just push it into the deep abysmal creases in my brain... I just can't deal with it.
I only think about it when I can yell at whoever it is.
Like, I know I shouldn't do that. I should talk about it and get it out.
But it hurts too badly.
And today, I'm having a good day.

I wasn't having a good day to start off, though.
It all fit to what I was talking to Amy about before.
My entire morning / early afternoon was like 'Just alittle more ______'
Everything just seemed to be lacking.
And it was hot out, and I was irritable.
To top it all off, my battery died because I thought I had plugged my cord in but then I didn't and it died.
From there on out, I was just kind of like 'Fuck It.'
and went on with my day in an aloof sort of manner.
Nothing could touch me, I was happy and that was how it was going to stay.
You know, that sort of deal.
Anyway.
So...after the battery died, I watched TV with james and continued to be irritable.
It wasn't until I went and chilled out in the empty bathtub.

It was just so fucking hot out.
I went in the bathroom and it was nice.
Colder, and fresher.
There was water droplets all on the tub from whoever had a shower last,
but I didn't care.
It only made it nicer to be in there.
So I stuck a towel down -though that was kinda useless- and hopped in.
Clothes and all.
I turned the music up, and just..sat.
Didn't think didn't feel.
Observered. Looked at all the gunk and the spots that got missed when Mom last cleaned the whole thing.
Tried to read the labels on my conditioner upside down.
Absent thoughts, ones that didn't count.
Like 'I wonder what I would take a picture of if I had a camera right now..'
The most interesting shot would've been of the way the light cast shadows on the yellow/greenish tub surface. How it shined and how you could make out the shadow of my hands, and of various other objects that the light fell on.
I turned my head to the other side, watched the water droplets for a while.
And then sat up a bit, looking at my face in the reflection of the shiny bath surface.
It was weird, to see my face distorted and greeney and shiney and..abstract.
Worthy of a painting, almost.
My dirty feet left grayish marks where they had gotten wet and then touched the tub...but whatever. Cleaning it up was a small price to pay for those few moments.

It's hard, not to think. I have to work at it.
Try so hard to just focus on something in the here and now, like..right now, my brain is just open.
I'm letting all my thoughts pour out. Where as usually, I try to keep a lid on it.
I try to just..stay in the moment. To just live. To just..be.
And then, reflect on it later. But sometimes that's hard.

Anyway. After about 30 / 40 minutes -Hell I don't know how long it was-
into my little romp in the bathroom, I decided that was enough.
I just came to a snap decision to ask Gowri if she wanted to swing on the swings.

Here's a random fact: I love the swings.
It's like flying. All that there is is you, plastic and a chain.
Your own muscle power is moving you along, and you're not really moving much but...it feels amazing. The wind in your hair as you go higher and higher.
How your hands might start to ache after awhile, or get sweaty.
The soreness in your legs, and how you don't stop even when you're ass falls asleep.
I love it. All of it.
But this time was..different. I didn't want to think, but I ended up doing it anyway. Before I even reached the swings, I waas thinking.
On my walk to meet Tany, the sun was shining and it was hott and there were unpleasant things and yet...I was in a bubble.
I could see and experience all of it, but...it didn't touch me.
Like wearing gloves, only it was still somehow personal and not rude.

I could smell all the spicy smells from other people cooking as it leaked out onto the boiling air, and usual that makes me wrinkle my nose. But this time, I just breathed in deeper and remembered it. Appreciated it.
I saw alot of people, andusually I don't like to be seen. But instead, I smiled at them. All of them.
From the little boy staring at me, to the old wrinkled brown ladies. I didn't care.
I thought about what life would be millions of miles away, in a place that was mostly desert and were everything was simpler then here, while on it's own level very complex.
India. Where so many of my neighbours ventered from. I don't know if it's mostly desert, but that's what I picture.
I see sandy villages and cute little twig / wood huts.
Something out of a world vision commercial, only...more upscale then that.
With less flies.
And tigers, and beautiful indian girls in bright suits.
I have alot of time on my hands, okay. Just stfu.

Anyway. These thoughts mostly manifested when I saw this old man at the corner of 124th, where all those stupid red lights are? yeah. Anyway The corner house has this big tree that is just like..a wall of leaves. There was this oldman in a white outfit, with a turban and bare feet. Trimming the tree with this knife.
I fit in so well with the face I had in my mind, I couldn't help staring.
he noticed, and gave me this slightly insane look, but whatever.
If you're going to be out in the street, I practically have a right to look at you.
That probably wasn't very smart though, since he had a knife and all.
But oh well. I stopped looking when I got to the street anyway.

So..I know I didn't post much these past couple days.
But like I said, I didn't notice I was in a mess until after.
I guess I was kind of in a rut.
I didn't really think any deep thoughts during my rut.
And so, here it is. The flood after the dam being up for a while.
Enjoy.
(:

FOR THE POST BELOW:: JUST PRESS POP-OUT PLAYER.
kthnx.

Dollface's playlist.

UPDATE:: Mom and Jenn are out of their fight.

AND:: We're having one of their kittens because they can't handle to kitties and a newborn.

ALSO:: There is Nicholas John Hoytema. Born sometime after 8AM on August 10th 2008. (:

So, yes. Chilling out. Bored.
Finished my other college finally.
Hung stuff up in my rooomm..
ya know, usual stuff.

I'm going to take some pictures of me later.
And of my art work and of everything etc.etc.
My thumbs hurt from pushing thumbtacks into my door.
Yes. Anyway...
so..yeah. Probably going to make some new
college type deals again.
There's like..this main theme. Because in this one Cosmo Girl,
there are these horoscope pages with these um...drawings of girls.
I like them alot, so I used one for the first one.
And then I decided to continue the theme, sooo..
yeah.

I feel so different. Looking at my clothes and at my room and the things I think / say...
it's just all so different from who I was.
Who I was. Lol.
It's hard to think that it was only two short summers ago I was the person that I used to be.
Woooow. Confusing sentence right there. =/

There's insence burning behind me. It's annoying.
All I can smell is that woodsey fakey smell.
Bleh.

I'm excited to put on my best outfits and act all model-ey.
I don't remember if I wrote about my life plan or not,
so here's the brief::

-Be happy.
-Be a marine biologist.
-Have a awesome husband & kids.
-Live in some fabulous locale nearby.
-Have things I've always wanted.
-Go to a top school like UBC or UVIC.
-Graduate before I'm actually supposed to be in grade 12.
-Work / volunteer at the aquariam sometime in the near future.
-Learn to crochet.

THE END.


Lol. This funny thing happened today.
Tany was trying to make a neopets account,
and she was going to make it 'meaningless'
but she put 'meanigless'

AND THEN I made her a different account with a good name

(mybffisbetterthenyou) but neopets froze her because of the name in like 5 minutes.
Makes no sense, right?

No idea what song I'm liking best today.
Hmm.
'Tell me why' by Jakalope was one I liked last night.
Today...I'm not so sure.

Maybe 'don't be so hard' by The Audition. Or... 'Talk to Me, Dance with Me' by Hot Hot Heat. Or, 'In Too Far' by Acceptance.

The last one and the second one just because I like how it sounds. =/

So..pics to come later. (:

The Submarines saved my mind today.

Seriously.

Jenn and mom fighting? Nothing new. I just hate to watch either of them hurt.



Talking more to mom about wanting to be a Marine Biologist.

She told me about when I was 8 and I said I wanted to be one.

I never remembered that.

It's interesting.

Maybe this is fate, and it's meant to be.



Also talked to mom about dad, some.

I don't remember what we were talking about that brought it up,

but... we ended up talking about grandma.

And how when she died, I didn't get to go to the funeral.

And how...I never even got to visit her when she was sick.

I wonder if she asked about me.

I wonder if she wanted to see me.

I wonder about all the old-time stories I'll never get to hear.

I think about why dad wouldn't take me.

When I asked, he just said that it was an adult situation and was taking care of appropriately.

Or something like that.

Jenn had a baby boy.

He's 7 pounds and some ounces.

Chris fainted.

It was real quick, considering Jenn started having really bad pains at

4AM and mom just phoned a bit ago, which means she had it sometime at 8 - 8:30, probably.



They don't know about the name...or else I would say.

I DON'T SEE ANY FUCKING COMMENTS, PEOPLE.

No seriously. Tany always gets pissed I won't let her actually talk to me about the stuff written in here, so I say 'Leave a comment. DUH.' and she says she will, but never does. =/


Jenn is having her baby.
Five bucks says he's going to be one of the cutest little things in the world.
(:

REMINDER: Tany. Post your goddamn comments.

---

Mom just came in, right when I was about to be all witty and interesting.

Ahh well.

I'm sure those thoughts will get back to me.

Anyway.

She wanted me to watch a movie with her.

But...it's hard.

Because she acts so strange.

Sometimes I'd rather just hole up in my own little world and then sleep.

Like I was going to.

I was going to say 'As If I Lived Alone' but...it isn't like that.

Because if it was, I'd be sitting...in my bathroom.

In the bathtub.

With pillows an a homemade ice coffee.

Shorts and a bra on.

With my computer, writing away on here.

Or, standing on the porch, watching the stars.

Or dancing in my kitchen with the music blaring.

Living alone, I'd need all of those distractions to fill the time.

Got bored. I drew a picture for Tany.

It's...her. IDK. I was going to draw myself another poster type deal,

but...

I didn't know what to draw. And I just kind of made a snap decision to draw her a picture.

Because I knew she would appreciate it.

Around here, good deeds are...ignored.

Or given a generic thank-you.

I've noticed lately, that thank you is so generic.

So very..boring and unfeeling.

I'll make my acknowledgement of other people's acts have a better voice.

Expect lengthy accounts of how much I like or dislike or am worthy or un worthy of whatever services some one does for me.

It'll be very flambouyant.

I can't wait.

Ah. Slightly horrible day.

I walked Gowri down to the end of the street.

It was quiet, as usual.

I remember I just started laughing.

Tany must've thought I was crazy, aha.

But...I was just..happy. I looked at the sun, so bright and so...large looking.

The sky looked flat earlier, but while we were walking it popped more.

The sun made it sparkle.

I was just happy, so I laughed.

I dont express myself enough.

I know, I know.

You'll all thinking I'm crazy, because...I probably do express myself quite alot.

but..no.

Not enough.

Listening to 'Men In Black'. The cover that FTSK did?

It's hilarious.

"All right check it.,

Slow down son!

You worried about the wrong thing piiiiimp!"

ROFL.

"What up young son buckerrr??!?!"

Aha. I like it. Makes me feel...bouncy.

As was intended, I suppose.

"Bounce with me. Just bounce with me."

(:

Had some fun moments today, doing absolutely nothing.

Gowri got some brit-brit and justy-justy news.

I've speculated that they are probably back together, but keeping it a secret.

So dont tell anyone I've uncovered the secret.

;D

Finished this book I bought.

'Everything You Want' by Barbara Shoup.

This is what the goose looks like in my mind now, rofl.

Book wasn't that great. Some good points. I'll re-read it and figure them out later.
Mostly, I like how it ended.
How Gabe Parker just kissed Emma.
My favourite line was when she was talking about colouring the world.
And the line about every story being a whole entire life of it's own.
And um... every moment being a story, in which you are either a minor or major character.
And with that last one, how you could somehow end up being a major character in some random person's day, just because they saw you.

That thought makes me smile.
Like, one day I'll just be walking downtown when I'm a succesful Marine Biologist or Lawyer or WHATEVER, and....some guy will just see me. And stop. Like in the movies. Love at first site.
An imprint. XD
I dunno. Right now, I'm sore and I need new things to listen to...and my arms are sore from typing while laying on my stomach but...
I'm happy. And I'm...hopefull. Like..anything I want could happen. All I have to do is believe.

So anyway.
The bad part of my day.
When I was walking the dog after Gowri was probably already home...
I was walking down Mousey's street.
Had the headphones up, really loudly. Per usual.
Couldn't hear a thing. Some guy was walking towards me, just making his way down the street. Whatever.
And then..all of a sudden, this van drives by. And...

To BE CONTINUED . . .

ROFL. J/k. I wouldn't do that to you. =/
Anyway.
A bunch of loser guys THREW A FUCKING EGG AT ME.
Couldn't throw worth shit though. They missed, by a mile.
Lucky they did too, considering it would've hit me in the hair, and I would NOT have been happy.

Anyway. So on I go. Slightly miffed, but deciding not to let it bother me...I keep walking. Fix my clothes after doing a check to make sure the egg didn't hit me, and just keep going. Head held high. Absolute murder in my eyes for anyone who dared say a word. I did my sassy mall walk. All..sexified and bossy and IMPORTANT. And everything was fine. I didn't...freak out, amazingly. Sure, I was pissed. But..whatever. Could've been worse, right? They could've gotten me! Anyway. I turn onto my street. And right when I'm getting near my yard, they drive by AGAIN. And throw ANOTHER egg.

They missed, again. And..again, I think. Amazingly enough. They drove away laughing hysterically and rolling the window up. I was too mortified to even catch the license plate number. I just kind of stopped, and stood there. And then...I just..snapped.
'Why would some one do that to me? What did I ever do to them?'
And I just kind of sniffled and whimpered as I made my way up the driveway.
Dog didn't notice a damn thing, the silly loveable mutt.

I would've cried. But..I didn't. I sat and sulked a moment.
Mom was..well. How mom is when no ones around, and...and I didn't care.
I just said "Can't throw worth shit." got up, and walked into the kitchen to make a snack.

Crazy, right? I dunno. I feel..different.
I feel..I feel like how I feel when I'm dressed in one of my best outfits.
I feel like..someone should come up to me like..RIGHT NOW and tell me I'm amazing and they want to take me out someplace.

God. I'm pathetic.
But it's hard, okay. Waiting.
I'm impatient. I want true love. I want it now.
j/k.
I can wait.
I'm just anxious, I guess.

Alright, so...I'm going to sit up and get some new music and then go to bed. Doctor's appointment tomorrow. So..I need to sleep. And..I need something new to listen to while I do so.

Good Morning.

Spillover thoughts from last night. =/

Okay so....
I couldn't shut my brain off last night.
So I'm posting all the crap I wrote down on my notebooks.
------

It took me a moment to remember but...
UPDATE.
Misquito bite on my forehead?
ONLY A ZIT.
FALSE ALARM.
;D

Good night. It's 6:11am. XP





I keep eyeing the pencil and paper.
NOTE TO SELF:
Go to bed, damn it.

Other Note:
(6:12)
FLIP MATRESS 2MRW.
This thing needs to be more comfy. :(

NOTE 4 GOWRI:
(6:13)
INSTALL YOUR DAMN PRINTER.

ALSO: put poison out NOW.

ALSO ALSO: PRACTICE AUDITION NOW.


Note: Song on ipod.
Friday Night Boys I think.

"I won't sleep tonight until you get home"
Add to playlist.
Good song.

ALSO: Add 'Stay Close Don't Go' by
Seconhand Serenade.

GOD DAMNIT, SLEEP FEELS IMPOSSIBLE.
(6:25)
Should I give up?

Thinking of....
nevermind. I don't remember.
BUT, FUCK.
My brain needs to shut the hell up.
D:

(6:29)

+ Disturiba 2 Playlist.

+ 'If you wanted...' by Mayday Parade 2 NM playlist.

Searched for Island.
Found it.
Blasting on repeat until I sleep or get awake enough to stay up all day.



Island unleashed profound thoughts.
I go through my shitty life to see if
I can make it?
Maybe I'm more competitive then I realized.
TSL OFFERS SUPPOST. (lol)

"Don't you float away!"
I won't. Atleast not without a fight. :)

LOVE. HOPE. DETERMINATION.*

9 consecutive plays.**

------

* What that song is like to me. Um..what it means.
** How many times I listened to "Island" by The Starting Line.


So yes. There you have it.
Amazing, yes?
Seeing the inner workings of my mind in the early morning hours.

My writing got steadily worse, so that's how I knew
how to place the notes that didn't have a time stamp.

Audition Patch was last night.
I'll download it now.

MIGHT BE GETTING ANOTHER READER?

Yayyyyayy.

NOTE:

POV means Point Of View.

And...I'm gleefully 'sorry' about the length of the post below this one.
(:

Alrighty.
So, I've been hearing some complaints about my slight absence.
To my reader, I'm sorry.


Now, on to more pressing buisiness...

FINISHED BREAKING DAWN.
IT'S AMAZING.

Ahem. Yes. Took me roughly 5 hours. Could be less, could be more. I took several breaks.
Which is..interesting. I usually read right through. Ignoring every need but the most prominent ones, and just kind of...going. I've known for years I was addicted to words, okay. Seriously. But...I don't think I realized until now just how serious and strong this addiction is.
Almost rivals my love of breakfast.
j/k.
It totally owns the best meal of the day.
Speaking of breakfast....
I was at ihop with tany. FRENCH CREPES SUCK.

Anyway.
Breaking Dawn.

Book II is obviously my favourite. It was written in Jacob's POV, and...seriously, most hilarious thing I've ever read. Almost. That one line out of 'The Sweet Far thing' ("Corrupt my brother will you? I'll see you in hell first, sir") Kind of was pretty great and that whole scene was the first time I like..cheered over a book.
Seriously. As time goes on, my reactions to things are so much...stronger.
IDK. Maybe I'm becomming more of a sap.
Wouldn't that be a shame?
Anyhow.

Steph Meyer always has these playlists on her website...but..I never bothered with those.
And then I was reading...
See, after book II, I was really pissed.
The whole imprint on Renesmee thing? I was outraged.
Seriously. I beat the fucking book!
James was witness to it, he can tell you.
I sat there and hit the thing. Right on the contents table of book III.
I was just...I couldn't believe it.
At the time, it seemed to wrong.
I didn't even really want to continue.
But we all know how I am.
I HAD to finish. It was like this...unexplainable..force.
So, after getting a drink and eating some delicious choco-covered strawberries (that story can wait), I continued.
And now, after having finished...I suppose it's okay.
I have to give Steph props for this one.
She did a hell of a job of working Jake into Bella's future. I mean..c'mon.
It was totally either this, or him or edward had to die.
And...we all know how much the latter option sucks.

Okay, so back to my main point...sort of.
You know how I hate silence?
Like...I just can't stand it.
After Just Listen, I've become so much more aware of the sounds of things.
The absence of sound. Of music. You know?
Right now, thinking this thought, all I hear is the clack of my finger across the keys -fast as lightening, thanks very much ;D - and the occasional car out on the street.
Fuck. A misquito bit me on the head I think.
Anyway.

So. I had been listening to my ipod, because..the silence and the Tv and just..I didn't want to be distracted. And..Temper Temper by Envy On The Coast came on. It made it so much..easier. To deal, with my..ya know, temper.
Next (I think..) Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade was on.
And..I thought of how well it just..FIT.
Like, with what I was reading just then.
It clicked. Like...'POW'
Unignoreable.
So, I found some paper and made a note.
Lots of notes, actually.
About the songs that..clicked.
I'll write the list out all formal like on here after I get some sleep.
It's like fucking... 5:40AM.
I haven't stayed up this late in forever.
My back hurts. :(

So. So...I made playlists.
I'm planning to do some serious reading after camp.
The entire series, again.
Music at hand.
I've already got some songs down for New Moon and Twilight.
Eclipse....well. I'll have to see what tickles my fancy when I get to it.

I'll give you a teaser, alright?
What I think is the best working song as an almost...
summary to each book?
I think that sounds good.

Breaking Dawn: 'Card House Dramer' - This Providence.
It's so...strong. And yet, so telling.
Like...it's a slap in the face that doesn't hurt. A slap in the face that you respect and fear and...love. Especially when the Volturi were coming in.
Seriously.
'Daysleeper' by Dear and the Headlights was on before CHD, and like... the dying 'ahh ahhh ahhh ahhhs' melted in so great. And then Bella is so angry and Garret says his fancy speech and it's like: "I don't know know know KNOW know know how much more I can take!"

Eclipse: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE.
I think it's because Eclipse is like...a mistake almost.
Needed, and somewhatly loved underneath all of the things I'm not-so-fond of,
but... homey. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it.

New Moon: 'Fix You' - Coldplay.
A durr.
Jacob, and Edward. And bella all broken....
Do you need more of an explanation?
Also to be noted on there though: 'Pretty In Punk' - Fall Out Boy and 'If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask' - Mayday Parade.

Twilight: 'Not A Second To Waste' - A Rocket To The Moon.
It's fitting that this song also has a place on the BD playlist.
The song is versatile, it fits both so perfectly.
I'm happy. And not only me.

Gowri should be happy over her cooking feat (she did basically all the work for making some choco-covered stuff. I only helped with the fun bits.)

James should be happy over the bonding he did with Aaron (they went and saw that movie 'Wanted' last night)

Mom should be happy because...hm. I have to think on this one.
Why should she be happy? I think because...we're happy. And..because she's managed to actually give me a reason to be proud of her.

Jenn should be happy because her life is...reasonable.

My Dad has no reason to be happy, in my opnion, and yet...who cares about him?
All his coming and going...well.
It's drawn me to this conclusion: FUCK HIM.

This is interesting....
how I draw out the ranks.

Though, the way I think of it isn't how tightly I love each.

Thoughts of the time I spend with my BFF...they're all happy. There isn't one memory where I can't find something to smile about. (GO AHEAD TANY. SINCE I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS, GO AHEAD AND ASK ME TO FIND SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT IN MEMORIES WHERE YOU THINK I WONT BE ABLE TO. JUST FUCKING TRY.)

Thoughts of the time I spend with James are...conflicting. But remembering the good times makes it easy to toss away the bad times until they become more...seeable.

Thoughts of Mom. Those make me think the most.
And...I find that I avoid them. Compassion...I dont know.
It's a weakening emotion, in many ways.
I'll have to channel some Carlisle, I think on that part.

Thoughts of Jenn and her lot can feel tratorious (is that word?)
and at the same time, they aren't.
Those thoughts are also tied to care-free happiness. So I like them.

And...Dad thoughts are the hardest.
I don't even think I'm really aware of how much I keep hidden away.
Unthought and untouched.
My really feelings...they're frightening.
But, I won't go seeking them out.
There's a time and a place for everything, afterall.

Woooooowww.
Major flash through of every single worry and thought and just..emotion in my brain a second there.
I was trying to figure out what to say next,
and this huge onslaught of words came then.
Not exactly what I was looking for, but okay.

I'm afraid. Of this...happiness.
I don't want it to feel so fragile...but it is.
Because this waiting is so..intense.
I feel it, always.
I'm always waiting.

Waiting for love. Waiting for school. Waiting...

Waiting. This brings me back to one of my early blog posts.
When I was so enthralled by that song.
Sometimes I surprise myself, with all of these...things I just seem to have known before hand, but am only realizing now.
This knowledge and smarts and intelligence and just...me.
It makes me feel good, like I can do anything.
It makes me feel like...like...happy endings are real.
And so are vampires, werewolves and truth.
Along with that, moments of pure joy.
It's strange, to see my hopes squashed together like that.
I feel like I have a new prospective.
I feel...different.
Vampiric, in a way. They have so much room in their heads.
And...even now. I'm thinking these things, and also trying to remember to rely this thing I heard on ellen the other day. -Squash. It's a noun, a verb, a sport, and possibly a curse word-
And...and layers.
Like the other day.
Driving in a cab. It was raining. On the way back from superstore, in a green cab with a nice driver that liked to talk.
I was listening to...I don't remember. I THINK it was Miserable At Best. I'm not sure.
Anyway. I was watching the droplets on the window pane...and behind them, unfocused and boring were other cars, trees, and..life.
And I remember with vivid clarity...shifting through to the different layers.
I turned my attention to the far away trees, making out all of those details...
and I turned my attention to the car zooming along beside us.
I remember the way the water fell, and I remember the way the tires looked...and I remember looking at the power lines.

Strange how memory is.
How I can remember all of those miniscule details, but not recall the name of a girl in a book, or the song title of a song I like when I most need to know it.

Strange how things you need to know are like the loop holes in remembering.
How...when I need something, it refuses. And when I think I don't, but am in a moment when I can appreciate things, it comes to me.

You're lucky alot of those moments when I can appreciate stuff comes when I'm blogging.
Very lucky indeed.

And now, some parting words that will probably always make me smile.

"I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!"

MFMz of JULY.

Olli & Hannah are fabulous.
Adore them, please.
They need more fans.