Trying to think of something great to blog.
Be right back.
EDIT// Had a great idea. You'll love it.
EDIT/// Great idea failed. Sort of. Sorry.
EDIT//// I'll make it up to you, promise. (:
EDIT///// I wish I had a cellphone and could blog from there. Wouldn't that be handy?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
"I spent an evening getting practice looking bored."
- 'If Not For My Glasses' -- Dear and the Headlights.
Mom wants me to do math with Dad.
I know how it'll end.
But I'll attempt it anyway.
In a moment or two.
For now, I can stay calmly in my own room.
In my own world.
With music that I love in my ears
and no socks on my feet.
Mom wants me to do math with Dad.
I know how it'll end.
But I'll attempt it anyway.
In a moment or two.
For now, I can stay calmly in my own room.
In my own world.
With music that I love in my ears
and no socks on my feet.
"Just a memory that I made; it never really goes away"
- 'I'm not crying. You're not crying, Are you?' -- Dead and the Headlights. 
There was a new album/ep/something from them, like I said.
Came sametime in september, I think.
So I'm a bit late on this.
But WHATEVER.
Tracks I managed to find to download are ---
- Saintly Rows (Oh Oh)
- Parellel Lines
- If Not For My Glasses
- I'm Not Crying. You're Not Crying, Are You?
And one other that I didn't like at all.
There was a new album/ep/something from them, like I said.
Came sametime in september, I think.
So I'm a bit late on this.
But WHATEVER.
Tracks I managed to find to download are ---
- Saintly Rows (Oh Oh)
- Parellel Lines
- If Not For My Glasses
- I'm Not Crying. You're Not Crying, Are You?
And one other that I didn't like at all.
But the others are...amazing.
I've been listening all night/morning.
(:
"You say you understand me, well I don't get you at all." {New//10}
'Paper Bag' -- Dear and The Headlights - The lyrics just...kind of grab me. They work for me, somehow.
'You say you understand me/Well I don't get you at all/And it seems everyone around me is/So good at faking it that I don't know/Just how to act around you' & 'I've got a memory, but/I can't hear what you're saying/You're looking straight at me, but/I'm looking the other way.'
'You Cry a Tear To Start A River' -- Between The Trees - Had this band downloaded forever. Never got into them. Had my library on shuffle and it popped up, gave it a listen. Love it.
'Stand close to me/Don't sail away, baby/Let them see your heart/ Let 'em see just how beautiful you are' & 'Just to wash away/All the pain of today and yesterday/And you try so hard/To wash away the spots/But your tears/Don't seem to do enough/It's just too much' etc.
'Metropolis' -- Faded Paper Figures -- 'Whoever made these robot angels,made these urban trash crustaceans;they occupy the same streets,and we fill the day with locusts and magazines.' Feels a lot like my bored, wasted time days.
+ All the new songs I just downloaded because I found out Dear and the Headlights had new things.
'You say you understand me/Well I don't get you at all/And it seems everyone around me is/So good at faking it that I don't know/Just how to act around you' & 'I've got a memory, but/I can't hear what you're saying/You're looking straight at me, but/I'm looking the other way.'
'You Cry a Tear To Start A River' -- Between The Trees - Had this band downloaded forever. Never got into them. Had my library on shuffle and it popped up, gave it a listen. Love it.
'Stand close to me/Don't sail away, baby/Let them see your heart/ Let 'em see just how beautiful you are' & 'Just to wash away/All the pain of today and yesterday/And you try so hard/To wash away the spots/But your tears/Don't seem to do enough/It's just too much' etc.
'Tried So Hard' -- The Midway State - It's funny.
'Marry the postman if it makes you happy, baby.'
'Your Ex Lover Is Dead' -- Stars - I just like the feel of it. Lyrics aren't half bad too.
Especially I like the beginning. '
When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire'
'I Turn My Camera On' -- Spoon - Finally found another spoon song I like. Especially the line
'I turned my feelings off/it made me untouchable for life'
I even made a picture based off of this song.
'Lost Art' -- Stricken City - I just like it. It's energetic and fun and I got it thanks to blackcabsessions. (:
'Uptown Get Around' - Stereo Skyline -- 'So I've been thinking that maybe baby/I've been going a little crazy lately/Yeah whatchya gonna do?/Jealousy, Baby/ Can't get you out of me head'...speaks for itself, don't it?
'A Story To Tell All Your Friends' -- Every Avenue - It's catchy. Really catchy.
'Don't go away again/I want to be more then a phone call at 4 am'
'Lousy Pictures' -- Wolf Parade -- It's Wolf Parade. They are amazing. Need I say more? Of course not.
'Metropolis' -- Faded Paper Figures -- 'Whoever made these robot angels,made these urban trash crustaceans;they occupy the same streets,and we fill the day with locusts and magazines.' Feels a lot like my bored, wasted time days.
+ All the new songs I just downloaded because I found out Dear and the Headlights had new things.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Q:What do you think is in a black hole? A: All the things you're ever lost - Socks, hopes, dreams, memories, friends.
What is your favorite smiley:
(:
What are you listening to:
'Snakes and Ladders' - Basia Bulat.
If you had one wish for anything, what would it be:
I don't know, honestly.
If the world were about to end, what would be something you would do:
See dollface.
If you knew your crush were dying, would it be worth telling ur feelings?
Of course not.
Whats you fav AdultSwim show?
Huh?
Be honest, do you love someone?
I love lots of people.
Just not romantically.
Be honest, which one of your friends can you not stand?
I don't have any friends I can't stand.
Best friends?
Tany & Dollface.
Would you put a dying baby out of its misery?
I'd try to save it.
Would you just rather die if you had no limbs?
No.
Your fav gum?
I don't know.
Is your mom mean?
It's a day to day thing, really.
Do you like mexicans?
I've never really met any.
Is there someone special?
No.
Are they everything?
No.
Would you cheat on them for 1Mill?
If there were someone to cheat on,
possibly. Then I'd buy them a kick-ass
present.
Do you love Erkel?
Who the fuck is that.
Do you love Panic at The Disco?
Sure.
Your fav song by them?
I couldn't pick on off the top of my head.
Do you think they are gay?
Ryan Ross is, isn't he?
Are you racist?
No.
What did your last text from a crush say?
N/A.
What did you last text TO a crush say?
N/A.
Have you ever cut yourself?
Yes.
Would it be fun to abducted by aliens?
No, it would not.
If you could change one thing bout yourself?
I wouldn't.
How much do u talk to your crush?
Not often.
Do they know you like them?
I don't know.
Do they feel the same?
I don't know.
Are you sure?
Of course.
Whats on TV?
Nothing good.
Is it Nine in The Afternoon?
No, it's 11.
Is Myspace overrated?
Sure.
How long is long enough?
That my friend is called
impatience.
What do you think is in a black hole?
All the things you've evevr lost.
Socks, hopes, dreams, memoires, friends.
Do Iraqis scare you?
No. Should they?
Why not, or why?
Because I'm not a racist fuckhead like some people.
Would you rather be tortured or have to burn to death?
Burnt.
Vanilla or Strawberry?
Vanilla.
Dog or Turtle?
Tie.
Blue eyes or green?
Green.
Are you parents divorced?
No.
What happened?
They didn't get married.
Is summer love the best?
Of course not.
Do you believe in love at 1st sight?
Perhaps.
Been on a blind date?
No.
Are you gay?
No. Are you?
Do you wear contacts?
No.
Do you like chinese food?
Yesyesyes.
Ever drank?
Yes. It's gross.
whats the 1st thing you notice bout the opposite sex?
Hair.
Whats so special bout your crush?
Who knows.
Would you spill you guts to them for a dare?
Sure.
Makeout with them for a dare?
No.
Are rocks pretty?
Some.
Do you like lemonade?
Yes. Only yellow.
Do you want an afro?
Fuck, no.
Are you rich?
Not at all.
Is abercrombie and fitch overrated?
Umm....
Do you like GH?
What?
What would you do if cell phones didnt exist?
Same thing I always do.
Do you remember The Weekenders?
I still watch that show a lot, actually.
Are you bored?
Yes.
Whats you usual mood?
Confused.
Do you have any mental illnesses?
Probably.
Is ur crush impossible to get?
I don't know.
Are you trying?
If you keep asking questions about
crushes, I'm just not going to answer them.
What is your favorite song?
Right now...probably 'Paper Bag' -- Dear and the Headlights.
Do you like rock?
Sure.
Are you hot?
No, kind of chilly right now actually.
Do you wear short shorts?
In the house.
Do you give your # out randomly?
No, that's stupid.
Ever been in trouble with the po-po?
Ha, yeah.
Ever snuck out?
No.
I don't have to.
Ever almost been killed?
No.
Ever almost killed yourself?
No.
Are you suicidal?
No.
..::Top 8::..
1. Top 8 what?
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Ever loved 4?
...
Been to a party with 8?
....
Ever kiss 6?
...
Ever cuss out 1?
...
Ever kicked 4?
...
Ever madeout with 3?
....
Is 2 nice?
...
Is 7 a bff?
...
Your eyes?
Are brown.
Your hair?
Is curly.
Are you tall?
No.
What cell phone do you have??
None.
Where do you live?
Canada.
3 things that scare you
1.Bathrooms.
2.Dark.
3.Horses.
7 Things you love about you crush/boyfriend/girlfriend?
No.
(:
What are you listening to:
'Snakes and Ladders' - Basia Bulat.
If you had one wish for anything, what would it be:
I don't know, honestly.
If the world were about to end, what would be something you would do:
See dollface.
If you knew your crush were dying, would it be worth telling ur feelings?
Of course not.
Whats you fav AdultSwim show?
Huh?
Be honest, do you love someone?
I love lots of people.
Just not romantically.
Be honest, which one of your friends can you not stand?
I don't have any friends I can't stand.
Best friends?
Tany & Dollface.
Would you put a dying baby out of its misery?
I'd try to save it.
Would you just rather die if you had no limbs?
No.
Your fav gum?
I don't know.
Is your mom mean?
It's a day to day thing, really.
Do you like mexicans?
I've never really met any.
Is there someone special?
No.
Are they everything?
No.
Would you cheat on them for 1Mill?
If there were someone to cheat on,
possibly. Then I'd buy them a kick-ass
present.
Do you love Erkel?
Who the fuck is that.
Do you love Panic at The Disco?
Sure.
Your fav song by them?
I couldn't pick on off the top of my head.
Do you think they are gay?
Ryan Ross is, isn't he?
Are you racist?
No.
What did your last text from a crush say?
N/A.
What did you last text TO a crush say?
N/A.
Have you ever cut yourself?
Yes.
Would it be fun to abducted by aliens?
No, it would not.
If you could change one thing bout yourself?
I wouldn't.
How much do u talk to your crush?
Not often.
Do they know you like them?
I don't know.
Do they feel the same?
I don't know.
Are you sure?
Of course.
Whats on TV?
Nothing good.
Is it Nine in The Afternoon?
No, it's 11.
Is Myspace overrated?
Sure.
How long is long enough?
That my friend is called
impatience.
What do you think is in a black hole?
All the things you've evevr lost.
Socks, hopes, dreams, memoires, friends.
Do Iraqis scare you?
No. Should they?
Why not, or why?
Because I'm not a racist fuckhead like some people.
Would you rather be tortured or have to burn to death?
Burnt.
Vanilla or Strawberry?
Vanilla.
Dog or Turtle?
Tie.
Blue eyes or green?
Green.
Are you parents divorced?
No.
What happened?
They didn't get married.
Is summer love the best?
Of course not.
Do you believe in love at 1st sight?
Perhaps.
Been on a blind date?
No.
Are you gay?
No. Are you?
Do you wear contacts?
No.
Do you like chinese food?
Yesyesyes.
Ever drank?
Yes. It's gross.
whats the 1st thing you notice bout the opposite sex?
Hair.
Whats so special bout your crush?
Who knows.
Would you spill you guts to them for a dare?
Sure.
Makeout with them for a dare?
No.
Are rocks pretty?
Some.
Do you like lemonade?
Yes. Only yellow.
Do you want an afro?
Fuck, no.
Are you rich?
Not at all.
Is abercrombie and fitch overrated?
Umm....
Do you like GH?
What?
What would you do if cell phones didnt exist?
Same thing I always do.
Do you remember The Weekenders?
I still watch that show a lot, actually.
Are you bored?
Yes.
Whats you usual mood?
Confused.
Do you have any mental illnesses?
Probably.
Is ur crush impossible to get?
I don't know.
Are you trying?
If you keep asking questions about
crushes, I'm just not going to answer them.
What is your favorite song?
Right now...probably 'Paper Bag' -- Dear and the Headlights.
Do you like rock?
Sure.
Are you hot?
No, kind of chilly right now actually.
Do you wear short shorts?
In the house.
Do you give your # out randomly?
No, that's stupid.
Ever been in trouble with the po-po?
Ha, yeah.
Ever snuck out?
No.
I don't have to.
Ever almost been killed?
No.
Ever almost killed yourself?
No.
Are you suicidal?
No.
..::Top 8::..
1. Top 8 what?
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Ever loved 4?
...
Been to a party with 8?
....
Ever kiss 6?
...
Ever cuss out 1?
...
Ever kicked 4?
...
Ever madeout with 3?
....
Is 2 nice?
...
Is 7 a bff?
...
Your eyes?
Are brown.
Your hair?
Is curly.
Are you tall?
No.
What cell phone do you have??
None.
Where do you live?
Canada.
3 things that scare you
1.Bathrooms.
2.Dark.
3.Horses.
7 Things you love about you crush/boyfriend/girlfriend?
No.
When's the next time you will see the person who absolutely takes your breath away?
There's a person that does that to me? Hmm.
Are you waiting for something?
Yes. January.
Last myspace message you received?
Something from dollface about asking tany if
we're equally sexy. I don't remember, really.
Does anyone hate you?
Probably.
Are you happy with life?
No.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Yes, all the time.
Are you a jealous person?
I try not to be.
If you could have one person with you right now who would it be?
To pick one wouldn't be fair.
But probably dollface.
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
I don't think so.
What are you going to do after this?
Another survey, probably.
How's the weather today?
Slushy.
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
No. But wouldn't that be neat if I was?
When's the next time you'll see your closest friend?
January 5.
What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Sleeping.
What are you listening to?
'Bang' - Armchair Cynics.
Is there anything that you are craving right now?
Good company.
And some starbucks.
What do you need to be doing right now?
Schoolwork.
What are you wearing?
Cobrastar ship teeshirt,
shorts.
Is there anyone on your nerves at the moment?
Everyone.
Does anyone know your password besides you?
Tany.
Last reason why you smiled?
My brother said "Rice-a-roni"
Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
No.
When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Too long ago.
Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
No.
Thank goodness, too.
Who is the most spoiled person you know?
Jaylin, my niece.
But if she were spoiled, she wouldn't be herself.
Are you close with your mom?
It's a day to day thing.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Not really.
Are you missing someone?
Yes.
My bestfriends.
What did you do today?
Nothing, really.
When was the last time you talked to your number 2?
What?
Do you delete people off of Myspace?
No.
Are you ticklish?
Yes.
Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
Mhmhm. Lots of people.
Do you still talk to the person you last dated?
I wouldn't call it dating.
What time did you go to sleep last night?
3AM, roughly.
Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
About to go to bed.
Where is your bf/gf right now?
Somewhere, waiting to be found.
Its 4 in the morning, and your phone rings...
If I had a cell phone and it rang at that time,
I'd answer it.
House phone, fuck, no.
What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
What?
Who is the last person to text you?
I don't remember.
There's a person that does that to me? Hmm.
Are you waiting for something?
Yes. January.
Last myspace message you received?
Something from dollface about asking tany if
we're equally sexy. I don't remember, really.
Does anyone hate you?
Probably.
Are you happy with life?
No.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Yes, all the time.
Are you a jealous person?
I try not to be.
If you could have one person with you right now who would it be?
To pick one wouldn't be fair.
But probably dollface.
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
I don't think so.
What are you going to do after this?
Another survey, probably.
How's the weather today?
Slushy.
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
No. But wouldn't that be neat if I was?
When's the next time you'll see your closest friend?
January 5.
What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Sleeping.
What are you listening to?
'Bang' - Armchair Cynics.
Is there anything that you are craving right now?
Good company.
And some starbucks.
What do you need to be doing right now?
Schoolwork.
What are you wearing?
Cobrastar ship teeshirt,
shorts.
Is there anyone on your nerves at the moment?
Everyone.
Does anyone know your password besides you?
Tany.
Last reason why you smiled?
My brother said "Rice-a-roni"
Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
No.
When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Too long ago.
Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
No.
Thank goodness, too.
Who is the most spoiled person you know?
Jaylin, my niece.
But if she were spoiled, she wouldn't be herself.
Are you close with your mom?
It's a day to day thing.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Not really.
Are you missing someone?
Yes.
My bestfriends.
What did you do today?
Nothing, really.
When was the last time you talked to your number 2?
What?
Do you delete people off of Myspace?
No.
Are you ticklish?
Yes.
Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
Mhmhm. Lots of people.
Do you still talk to the person you last dated?
I wouldn't call it dating.
What time did you go to sleep last night?
3AM, roughly.
Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
About to go to bed.
Where is your bf/gf right now?
Somewhere, waiting to be found.
Its 4 in the morning, and your phone rings...
If I had a cell phone and it rang at that time,
I'd answer it.
House phone, fuck, no.
What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
What?
Who is the last person to text you?
I don't remember.
Survey//
This is the first of many, I have nothing better to do.
----
Name 3 people who made you smile today?
- Mom
- Kasper (he's not a person, but whatever)
- James.
What were you doing at 8:30 this morning?
Sleeping.
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Writing my last blog post, I think.
Favorite board game?
Guess Who.
(Does your guy have a monocle?)
Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope.
What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Thank you."
What was the last thing you had to drink?
Peach green tea.
What are you wearing right now?
My Cobra Starship shirt and my black
roots shorts.
What was the last thing you ate?
Stirfry.
Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No. ):
When was the last time you ran?
Christmas.
What's the last sporting event you watched?
Fencing? Today, in 'The Princess Bride' movie.
Who is the last person you sent a comment on myspace?
Dollface.
Ever go camping?
Mhm. I lubb it.
Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Not that I know of.
Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
(:
Do you drink your soda from a straw?
At restuarants.
What did your last text message say??
That was years ago, you silly goose.
Are you someone's best friend?
OF COURSE.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Not a damn thing.
Where is your mom right now?
In her room, probably.
What do you think of when you think of Australia?
My grade 6 teacher, Mrs. Grills.
Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Oh, yes.
Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Drive Thru, bby.
Do you have a dog?
Mhm.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
Jenn, I think.
Any plans today?
Fuck, no.
Are you happy?
Ehh. Could be better.
Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Too much time to fill.
Last song listened to?
Well, I'm listening to 'Uptown Get Around' -- Stereo Skyline.
Before that it was...'Your Ex Lover Is Dead' -- Stars.
Last movie you saw?
'The Princess Bride'
(Ty tany. <3 )
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I'm out of love with all my shoes right now,
thanks.
Are you jealous of anyone?
Probably.
Are you married?
Yes. I has a husbandy.
Is anyone jealous of you?
Probably.
What time is it?
11:05PM.
Do any of your friends have children?
Yah, husbandy has a Tany, you know.
Do you eat healthy?
Usually.
Have you ever been to Six Flags?
We don't have that here.
----
Name 3 people who made you smile today?
- Mom
- Kasper (he's not a person, but whatever)
- James.
What were you doing at 8:30 this morning?
Sleeping.
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Writing my last blog post, I think.
Favorite board game?
Guess Who.
(Does your guy have a monocle?)
Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope.
What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Thank you."
What was the last thing you had to drink?
Peach green tea.
What are you wearing right now?
My Cobra Starship shirt and my black
roots shorts.
What was the last thing you ate?
Stirfry.
Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No. ):
When was the last time you ran?
Christmas.
What's the last sporting event you watched?
Fencing? Today, in 'The Princess Bride' movie.
Who is the last person you sent a comment on myspace?
Dollface.
Ever go camping?
Mhm. I lubb it.
Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Not that I know of.
Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
(:
Do you drink your soda from a straw?
At restuarants.
What did your last text message say??
That was years ago, you silly goose.
Are you someone's best friend?
OF COURSE.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Not a damn thing.
Where is your mom right now?
In her room, probably.
What do you think of when you think of Australia?
My grade 6 teacher, Mrs. Grills.
Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Oh, yes.
Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Drive Thru, bby.
Do you have a dog?
Mhm.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
Jenn, I think.
Any plans today?
Fuck, no.
Are you happy?
Ehh. Could be better.
Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Too much time to fill.
Last song listened to?
Well, I'm listening to 'Uptown Get Around' -- Stereo Skyline.
Before that it was...'Your Ex Lover Is Dead' -- Stars.
Last movie you saw?
'The Princess Bride'
(Ty tany. <3 )
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I'm out of love with all my shoes right now,
thanks.
Are you jealous of anyone?
Probably.
Are you married?
Yes. I has a husbandy.
Is anyone jealous of you?
Probably.
What time is it?
11:05PM.
Do any of your friends have children?
Yah, husbandy has a Tany, you know.
Do you eat healthy?
Usually.
Have you ever been to Six Flags?
We don't have that here.
I DID THIS, IT WAS..nargis.
1. Go here. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2. Go here. The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.
3. Go here. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Go here. The first ten links you end up in (minus the .coms) are your 10 song titles.
the results:
1. (I did it three times)
- Bocha, Nepal
- Gardens in Northern Ireland
- Solar furnace
2. (x3 again)
- Light and a power.
- gets to know something.
- to connect more closely.
3. (x3 again.)
4. (x1)
- signal fan.
- over clockers.
- full body cast.
- end of times.
- hard flip.
- ms. magazine.
- information corner.
- hell fest.
- gallery hopper.
- grudge match.
2. Go here. The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.
3. Go here. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Go here. The first ten links you end up in (minus the .coms) are your 10 song titles.
the results:
1. (I did it three times)
- Bocha, Nepal
- Gardens in Northern Ireland
- Solar furnace
2. (x3 again)
- Light and a power.
- gets to know something.
- to connect more closely.
3. (x3 again.)
4. (x1)
- signal fan.
- over clockers.
- full body cast.
- end of times.
- hard flip.
- ms. magazine.
- information corner.
- hell fest.
- gallery hopper.
- grudge match.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Listening to 'Not A Second To Waste' -- A Rocket To The Moon.
Haven't listened to this in forever.
Still love the song.
Might even listen again.
Or not.
I'm kind of craving Lykke Li.
Anyway.
Got home.
Took a short bath.
Promptly went into my room and to bed.
Slept until like...4.
Hung out in the kitchen with mom
for a bit, watching the turkey soup
thicken up.
Talking about my visit with my Uncle Urs, Auntie Miriam,
and my grandpa.
It was pleasant.
Their house is really nice.
They are really nice.
And normal.
And fucking loaded.
Lol.
Anyway.
Yeah.
It was nice.
We were supposed to go for dinner,
I guess but we were late.
So we just had drinks.
I drank orange juice.
Chris asked for pop,
and all they had was diet pepsi.
He drank it anyway.
Jenn had a glass of wine.
They poured her a huuge one,
and she drank almost it all.
Small sips.
But still,
she was tipsy.
Later when we were in the van
she joked about becomming a wine-o.
It was fun.
We had fun.
It was...different.
And I felt..normal.
Not normal in a bad, lame way.
Normal in a way that's not
all...how I can get sometimes.
All moody? You know?
Yeah.
It was..normal.
Mom is being so annoying.
I just want her to leave me alone.
But she won't.
And it only makes the fact that
I have/had awful cramps.
I'm alright after my nap and now that the pain
medication has kicked in...
but earlier it was horrible.
I learned something about Chris I never knew.
He has what Jenn calls his 'Dandy Dictionary'.
Being from Ontario/out in the country,
he used to say things like
Gander, Yonder, Suffice, Horrid
all the time in like, a normal way.
And she used to make fun of him kind of.
And she said he never does it now,
that she has made him a city boy.
And he said the only reason he doesn't
is because she made fun of him,
and we all laughed.
It's still snowing away out there.
Can't wait for spring.
Tany, you better be ready.
I'm bringing in the school schedule soon.
It's going ot be brutal,
but we've got to get it done.
And don't let me talk you out
of it like I always do.
Bribe me with breakfast.
I think that should work.
Haven't listened to this in forever.
Still love the song.
Might even listen again.
Or not.
I'm kind of craving Lykke Li.
Anyway.
Got home.
Took a short bath.
Promptly went into my room and to bed.
Slept until like...4.
Hung out in the kitchen with mom
for a bit, watching the turkey soup
thicken up.
Talking about my visit with my Uncle Urs, Auntie Miriam,
and my grandpa.
It was pleasant.
Their house is really nice.
They are really nice.
And normal.
And fucking loaded.
Lol.
Anyway.
Yeah.
It was nice.
We were supposed to go for dinner,
I guess but we were late.
So we just had drinks.
I drank orange juice.
Chris asked for pop,
and all they had was diet pepsi.
He drank it anyway.
Jenn had a glass of wine.
They poured her a huuge one,
and she drank almost it all.
Small sips.
But still,
she was tipsy.
Later when we were in the van
she joked about becomming a wine-o.
It was fun.
We had fun.
It was...different.
And I felt..normal.
Not normal in a bad, lame way.
Normal in a way that's not
all...how I can get sometimes.
All moody? You know?
Yeah.
It was..normal.
Mom is being so annoying.
I just want her to leave me alone.
But she won't.
And it only makes the fact that
I have/had awful cramps.
I'm alright after my nap and now that the pain
medication has kicked in...
but earlier it was horrible.
I learned something about Chris I never knew.
He has what Jenn calls his 'Dandy Dictionary'.
Being from Ontario/out in the country,
he used to say things like
Gander, Yonder, Suffice, Horrid
all the time in like, a normal way.
And she used to make fun of him kind of.
And she said he never does it now,
that she has made him a city boy.
And he said the only reason he doesn't
is because she made fun of him,
and we all laughed.
It's still snowing away out there.
Can't wait for spring.
Tany, you better be ready.
I'm bringing in the school schedule soon.
It's going ot be brutal,
but we've got to get it done.
And don't let me talk you out
of it like I always do.
Bribe me with breakfast.
I think that should work.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Hapy miserable mess, who can't stop staring at the mirror.
- Pavlove -- Fall Out Boy.
Bored, bored, bored.
I wish I had gotten
a camera for christmas.
Then I'd just be taking pictures right now.
I'd be outside, in the snow.
Happy as a clam,
taking shots of anything and everything.
But I didn't get one.
So, I'm just kind of
sitting around being miserable.
And bored.
I'm sick of this holiday.
I'm sad that amy has to be grounded.
I won't get to talk to either of my best friends.
And I'm stuck inside because I don't feel like
getting cold for nothing.
I don't have anything to read.
I don't have anything to do.
There's just this vast space of time to fill.
Lots of time.
So much time.
I have to visit my grandpa today.
I don't really want to.
I don't really want to do anything,
honestly.
I'm just disgruntled by
how this month has turned out.
I can really say without exaggerating that this has been
the worst christmas.
It makes me so tired to think of how crappy it has been.
And it makes me so tired to think about all the work I have to do.
In january, that's all I'm going to do.
I'll just stay home. By myself.
And put this energy to good use.
Finish my courses, get it over with.
I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.
I don't know where I fit,
but I guess there is somewhere.
And the only way to get there is to just keep...going.
Bored, bored, bored.
I wish I had gotten
a camera for christmas.
Then I'd just be taking pictures right now.
I'd be outside, in the snow.
Happy as a clam,
taking shots of anything and everything.
But I didn't get one.
So, I'm just kind of
sitting around being miserable.
And bored.
I'm sick of this holiday.
I'm sad that amy has to be grounded.
I won't get to talk to either of my best friends.
And I'm stuck inside because I don't feel like
getting cold for nothing.
I don't have anything to read.
I don't have anything to do.
There's just this vast space of time to fill.
Lots of time.
So much time.
I have to visit my grandpa today.
I don't really want to.
I don't really want to do anything,
honestly.
I'm just disgruntled by
how this month has turned out.
I can really say without exaggerating that this has been
the worst christmas.
It makes me so tired to think of how crappy it has been.
And it makes me so tired to think about all the work I have to do.
In january, that's all I'm going to do.
I'll just stay home. By myself.
And put this energy to good use.
Finish my courses, get it over with.
I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.
I don't know where I fit,
but I guess there is somewhere.
And the only way to get there is to just keep...going.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy.
Just chilling.
Helped James peel some potatoes.
Meh.
My grandpa came down to spend time with the family
(not this one, the other people)
And me and jenn are going out to visit him tomorrow.
I have no idea what I'm going to wear.
But something that matches my pretty pink earrings.
I know I said I don't like earrings.
And that is true.
But these ones have sentimental value,
and they look nice.
I'm very picky.
I'll enclose a picture later.
Jenn and the fam are coming for dinner tonight.
So that'll be fun.
Not going over there though.
I love my bed.
I think I'll take a picture of that too.
No, I don't have a camera.
But I do have a cam.
And it'll do.
Helped James peel some potatoes.
Meh.
My grandpa came down to spend time with the family
(not this one, the other people)
And me and jenn are going out to visit him tomorrow.
I have no idea what I'm going to wear.
But something that matches my pretty pink earrings.
I know I said I don't like earrings.
And that is true.
But these ones have sentimental value,
and they look nice.
I'm very picky.
I'll enclose a picture later.
Jenn and the fam are coming for dinner tonight.
So that'll be fun.
Not going over there though.
I love my bed.
I think I'll take a picture of that too.
No, I don't have a camera.
But I do have a cam.
And it'll do.
Christmas with you is the best.
Woke up this morning to mom and dad grouching at each other
about my present.
I didn't get anything substantial or interesting.
And I just lay there, in my bed.
Listening to mom crying because she was the one that had to take the blame,
even though everyone else had a hand in it.
And honestly, I could forgive her.
I did forgive her.
I have.
When the noise died down, I sat up.
Just kind of cried a little, I'm not exactly sure why.
Mom came in, brought me all my presents.
Said I could open them.
Her eyes were all red and she looked genuinely sad.
I counted the presents in the box.
1,2,3,4.
And then left them a lone and got up.
I gave my mom a hug, and she said she was sorry.
I told her it was okay.
And it was.
I hugged her and hugged her.
And for once, I didn't pull away first.
The power of forgiveness...it's something I
could never really understand.
But I think it means a lot to her I wasn't angry at her.
We made all the eggs we had in this huge scramble,
and had toast.
Mom drank coffee and I had milk.
We talked about lighting off firecrackers and
waking up everyone that was still asleep.
Because they all do sleep late.
We decided not to after we couldn't figure out how to do it later.
Oh, did I mention that the tree was outside on the porch?
Yeah.
Didn't like that thing anyway, it was ugly.
I opened my presents with mom, and looked at everything.
She added a few more things to the meager pile,
just a few things.
A pair of beautiful earrings.
A bead set.
A bath set.
I also got a book, a scarf, a purse, a cheap mp3 player, a jewlery sort of box.
And then also of course the things Gowri got me.
I like them all.
My presents, I like them.
It wasn't exactly what I asked for
(since I did only ask for one thing)
but that's alright.
I got my real moment.
Breakfast with my mom.
And then later taking the tree off of the porch and carrying it down the snow covered streets to mousey and giving it to her,
since we didn't need it and she didn't have one.
The turkey is in the oven.
It's snowing and snowing and snowing.
There's icicles.
Me and mom and made christmas rice krispie squares.
I'm content for now.
And I smell good,
from my bath stuff.
about my present.
I didn't get anything substantial or interesting.
And I just lay there, in my bed.
Listening to mom crying because she was the one that had to take the blame,
even though everyone else had a hand in it.
And honestly, I could forgive her.
I did forgive her.
I have.
When the noise died down, I sat up.
Just kind of cried a little, I'm not exactly sure why.
Mom came in, brought me all my presents.
Said I could open them.
Her eyes were all red and she looked genuinely sad.
I counted the presents in the box.
1,2,3,4.
And then left them a lone and got up.
I gave my mom a hug, and she said she was sorry.
I told her it was okay.
And it was.
I hugged her and hugged her.
And for once, I didn't pull away first.
The power of forgiveness...it's something I
could never really understand.
But I think it means a lot to her I wasn't angry at her.
We made all the eggs we had in this huge scramble,
and had toast.
Mom drank coffee and I had milk.
We talked about lighting off firecrackers and
waking up everyone that was still asleep.
Because they all do sleep late.
We decided not to after we couldn't figure out how to do it later.
Oh, did I mention that the tree was outside on the porch?
Yeah.
Didn't like that thing anyway, it was ugly.
I opened my presents with mom, and looked at everything.
She added a few more things to the meager pile,
just a few things.
A pair of beautiful earrings.
A bead set.
A bath set.
I also got a book, a scarf, a purse, a cheap mp3 player, a jewlery sort of box.
And then also of course the things Gowri got me.
I like them all.
My presents, I like them.
It wasn't exactly what I asked for
(since I did only ask for one thing)
but that's alright.
I got my real moment.
Breakfast with my mom.
And then later taking the tree off of the porch and carrying it down the snow covered streets to mousey and giving it to her,
since we didn't need it and she didn't have one.
The turkey is in the oven.
It's snowing and snowing and snowing.
There's icicles.
Me and mom and made christmas rice krispie squares.
I'm content for now.
And I smell good,
from my bath stuff.
"And now we pass/and just like glass...
I see through you/and you see through me like I'm not there//"
'Glass'- Ingrid Michaelson.
I'm not invisible anymore.
At least not to me.
And I think that helps me shine a little brighter.
And if eyes should widen and words would turn to a hush,
I know I'll be alright.
And if I won't be,
I don't care.
I'm tired of being unhappy due to someone elses mistakes.
Songs I wish were on the ipod*/
Current playlist//
'Disloyal Order of Buffaloes' - Fall Out Boy.
'Metropolis' - Faded Paper Figues.
'Lover's Spit' - Broken Social Scene.
'You're All I Have' - Snow Patrol.
'Hands Down' - Dashboard Confessional.
'Waste Myself' - This Providence.
'America's Suitehearts (Acoustic)' - Fall Out Boy.
'Keep Yourself Warm' - Frightened Rabbit.
'Crown Of Love' - This is Ivy League.
'The Garden That You Planted' - Seawolf.
'Canals Of Our City' - Beirut.
'Glass' - Ingrid Michaelson.
*I lent the cord for the ipod to Chris, since he has a shuffle but not the cord for it. I forgot to take it back with me when I got home.
Very much missing it.
---
Listening to that all then heading to bed.
Lull myself to sleep with some crap that's on the ipod.
Nothing I want is there right now.
Besides the FaD stuff, Broken Social Scene, This Is Ivy Leauge and maybe 'Keep Yourself Warm'
5/12 ain't bad, yeah?
Fat cat is asleep on my bed a bit away.
My back hurts from sitting the way I'm sitting.
Itchy from not being settled into my home life.
Sick of the holidays.
I know tomorrow isn't going to be the homey loveliness
I always invision.
Our tree still isn't decorated, since I didn't do it.
My mother has a cold.
As far as I know, I don't really have any presents.
Yet.
Appearantly their working on it.
I could cry.
For thinking that they would rather squander their money away on something else
this whole month and then worry last minute about something
as important as this is truly saddening.
But I won't think of it.
I'm sick of thinking about it.
About anything to do with them.
But I can't stop now,
because the floodgates are open...
So.
I hate to realize that they really don't know me.
I hear all the failed present attempts,
and it just hurts.
Britney Spears tickets.
A printer.
What good are those things to me?
Well.
I mean, that I would love Britney tickets.
They would make Tany so happy.
But...can't I just be selfish for a moment?
Can I just say that I would love for there
to be something there tomorrow morning
that I didn't ask for, but love entirely?
I don't want to have to ask for what I want.
It's silly, but...I wish they could just know.
Know me. And know what my heart desires.
Even Tany was a slight disappointment.
But how could I be angry, when she tries so hard?
It's the same for my family.
How could I be angry, when it's nothing they can help?
The reasons I'm left unknown, they can't be fixed.
It'll stay this way.
No matter how much I'd like to hope,
it just won't magically change one day.
I don't get it.
When I'm here, it aches.
I feel like a dull, muted version of myself.
But I feel alive. The stark contrast between
me and them shows me that yes,
I can feel. Yes, I am here.
At Jenn's, I feel too free.
Too light. Like it's not happening.
Like any second I could just up and drift away into the sun.
It's cold in here.
Soon I'll have to give in to sleep's beckoning hand
and just fall away.
If I could sleep forever and just dream,
I think I would seriously consider it.
There's no one to talk to.
Everyone is busy, with one thing or another.
It feels a bit like being abandoned,
but I know I'm being thought of.
I hope I'm being thought of.
Chris Carrabba from Dashboard Confessional?
His name reminds me of Ryan Cabrerra.
You know, that pansy that dated Ashloser?
Mhm.
Just thought of something I could add to that playlist.
Some The Scene Aesthetic?
Sounds good.
Or not.
I think I won't.
They don't appeal to me
as much as my brain made me think they would.
I'm so strange.
No one ever believes me of this, but it is true.
Here's a list of why.
- I like to stare at people whenever I'm in a car.
I just have to.I stare at the people driving,
the passengers, people walking..anyone.
I stare.
- It's hard for me to look people in the eye.
It feels like something to intimate.
- Same with touching. Touching other people
rarely feels natural. If they touch me,
I'm surprised. But it's nice.
- Talking. Either too much, or not enough.
Or my attitude is wrong.
- I get paranoid a lot and think that people might be
able to hear my thoughts. So I think about things
that might be interesting and try to keep my secrets
out of my head. This is not because of twilight.
I'm not sure /why/ this is.
- I'm lacking. I don't know what, but something.
- There's so many things in my head, it's hard
to shove them out comprehendably. A lot of the time
I think of things but don't say them,
or don't think and say something stupid,
or think very carefully and craft something
to amazing to be accidental and say it.
- I think a lot of the time that I could
very easily just become a big failure.
And as time goes on, that seems like a very
realistic reality.
---
And at the same time, I don't believe those things.
I refuse and just try to say "No, I am different."
Because I know that others want me to be different.
And I know that I can be.
And I know that I'm just hard on myself.
And I know, I know, I know.
Trust me, I do know.
Sorry if this bothered you guys or something.
I know, I can be upsetting.
I don't mean to be.
It just happens. I wish it weren't so.
Still killing time until the playlist is done.
3AM is a place I'd long forgotten.
I wish I could talk like this in real life.
I think if I did, you all would laugh in my face.
So good I am at distractions.
Anything to ignore how things are.
Sometimes I feel like I'm exaggerating.
But then I realize,
it's truth.
To some degree.
Every situation has things that balance it out, sort of.
Make it seem a little better.
Or at least like there is a reason.
You know why I like to stare at the people in the other cars?
It makes me feel like I've glimpsed a small part of their private lives.
The side of them that maybe no one sees.
I try to guess their stories and their hopes,
aspirations, dreams, wants, needs.
Sometimes there is someone interesting,
and when I have to look away, I'm a little saddened I didn't get
a chance to know them.
I think that my biggest wish right now
is just to have a moment that is real.
No cause, no effect.
No reason.
Just...something that became.
A serious moment that holds only truths.
Set at a dramatic setting,
somewhere were the pictures would turn out beautifully.
Somewhere were I was with someone that I loved, or could love.
A place where breakfast tastes even better then usual,
if that's possible.
I'm not sure if it is.
Right now, you know what would be good?
To be able to call up my bestfriends.
And for them to come over here because
I want them to.
And for us to stay up being crazy until
iHop opened, and then going over there
and having a semi-real moment.
Because I know everything in the criteria above isn't
possible.
You can't always get what you want.
But maybe life will give me a compromise.
Maybe I deserve to have at least that much.
'Glass'- Ingrid Michaelson.
I'm not invisible anymore.
At least not to me.
And I think that helps me shine a little brighter.
And if eyes should widen and words would turn to a hush,
I know I'll be alright.
And if I won't be,
I don't care.
I'm tired of being unhappy due to someone elses mistakes.
Songs I wish were on the ipod*/
Current playlist//
'Disloyal Order of Buffaloes' - Fall Out Boy.
'Metropolis' - Faded Paper Figues.
'Lover's Spit' - Broken Social Scene.
'You're All I Have' - Snow Patrol.
'Hands Down' - Dashboard Confessional.
'Waste Myself' - This Providence.
'America's Suitehearts (Acoustic)' - Fall Out Boy.
'Keep Yourself Warm' - Frightened Rabbit.
'Crown Of Love' - This is Ivy League.
'The Garden That You Planted' - Seawolf.
'Canals Of Our City' - Beirut.
'Glass' - Ingrid Michaelson.
*I lent the cord for the ipod to Chris, since he has a shuffle but not the cord for it. I forgot to take it back with me when I got home.
Very much missing it.
---
Listening to that all then heading to bed.
Lull myself to sleep with some crap that's on the ipod.
Nothing I want is there right now.
Besides the FaD stuff, Broken Social Scene, This Is Ivy Leauge and maybe 'Keep Yourself Warm'
5/12 ain't bad, yeah?
Fat cat is asleep on my bed a bit away.
My back hurts from sitting the way I'm sitting.
Itchy from not being settled into my home life.
Sick of the holidays.
I know tomorrow isn't going to be the homey loveliness
I always invision.
Our tree still isn't decorated, since I didn't do it.
My mother has a cold.
As far as I know, I don't really have any presents.
Yet.
Appearantly their working on it.
I could cry.
For thinking that they would rather squander their money away on something else
this whole month and then worry last minute about something
as important as this is truly saddening.
But I won't think of it.
I'm sick of thinking about it.
About anything to do with them.
But I can't stop now,
because the floodgates are open...
So.
I hate to realize that they really don't know me.
I hear all the failed present attempts,
and it just hurts.
Britney Spears tickets.
A printer.
What good are those things to me?
Well.
I mean, that I would love Britney tickets.
They would make Tany so happy.
But...can't I just be selfish for a moment?
Can I just say that I would love for there
to be something there tomorrow morning
that I didn't ask for, but love entirely?
I don't want to have to ask for what I want.
It's silly, but...I wish they could just know.
Know me. And know what my heart desires.
Even Tany was a slight disappointment.
But how could I be angry, when she tries so hard?
It's the same for my family.
How could I be angry, when it's nothing they can help?
The reasons I'm left unknown, they can't be fixed.
It'll stay this way.
No matter how much I'd like to hope,
it just won't magically change one day.
I don't get it.
When I'm here, it aches.
I feel like a dull, muted version of myself.
But I feel alive. The stark contrast between
me and them shows me that yes,
I can feel. Yes, I am here.
At Jenn's, I feel too free.
Too light. Like it's not happening.
Like any second I could just up and drift away into the sun.
It's cold in here.
Soon I'll have to give in to sleep's beckoning hand
and just fall away.
If I could sleep forever and just dream,
I think I would seriously consider it.
There's no one to talk to.
Everyone is busy, with one thing or another.
It feels a bit like being abandoned,
but I know I'm being thought of.
I hope I'm being thought of.
Chris Carrabba from Dashboard Confessional?
His name reminds me of Ryan Cabrerra.
You know, that pansy that dated Ashloser?
Mhm.
Just thought of something I could add to that playlist.
Some The Scene Aesthetic?
Sounds good.
Or not.
I think I won't.
They don't appeal to me
as much as my brain made me think they would.
I'm so strange.
No one ever believes me of this, but it is true.
Here's a list of why.
- I like to stare at people whenever I'm in a car.
I just have to.I stare at the people driving,
the passengers, people walking..anyone.
I stare.
- It's hard for me to look people in the eye.
It feels like something to intimate.
- Same with touching. Touching other people
rarely feels natural. If they touch me,
I'm surprised. But it's nice.
- Talking. Either too much, or not enough.
Or my attitude is wrong.
- I get paranoid a lot and think that people might be
able to hear my thoughts. So I think about things
that might be interesting and try to keep my secrets
out of my head. This is not because of twilight.
I'm not sure /why/ this is.
- I'm lacking. I don't know what, but something.
- There's so many things in my head, it's hard
to shove them out comprehendably. A lot of the time
I think of things but don't say them,
or don't think and say something stupid,
or think very carefully and craft something
to amazing to be accidental and say it.
- I think a lot of the time that I could
very easily just become a big failure.
And as time goes on, that seems like a very
realistic reality.
---
And at the same time, I don't believe those things.
I refuse and just try to say "No, I am different."
Because I know that others want me to be different.
And I know that I can be.
And I know that I'm just hard on myself.
And I know, I know, I know.
Trust me, I do know.
Sorry if this bothered you guys or something.
I know, I can be upsetting.
I don't mean to be.
It just happens. I wish it weren't so.
Still killing time until the playlist is done.
3AM is a place I'd long forgotten.
I wish I could talk like this in real life.
I think if I did, you all would laugh in my face.
So good I am at distractions.
Anything to ignore how things are.
Sometimes I feel like I'm exaggerating.
But then I realize,
it's truth.
To some degree.
Every situation has things that balance it out, sort of.
Make it seem a little better.
Or at least like there is a reason.
You know why I like to stare at the people in the other cars?
It makes me feel like I've glimpsed a small part of their private lives.
The side of them that maybe no one sees.
I try to guess their stories and their hopes,
aspirations, dreams, wants, needs.
Sometimes there is someone interesting,
and when I have to look away, I'm a little saddened I didn't get
a chance to know them.
I think that my biggest wish right now
is just to have a moment that is real.
No cause, no effect.
No reason.
Just...something that became.
A serious moment that holds only truths.
Set at a dramatic setting,
somewhere were the pictures would turn out beautifully.
Somewhere were I was with someone that I loved, or could love.
A place where breakfast tastes even better then usual,
if that's possible.
I'm not sure if it is.
Right now, you know what would be good?
To be able to call up my bestfriends.
And for them to come over here because
I want them to.
And for us to stay up being crazy until
iHop opened, and then going over there
and having a semi-real moment.
Because I know everything in the criteria above isn't
possible.
You can't always get what you want.
But maybe life will give me a compromise.
Maybe I deserve to have at least that much.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
When all the others are just stirring away I'm trying to trick myself into falling asleep again.
- W.A.M.S.
Love that song.
It's catchy.
I'm dancing.
Kind of in a crappy mood.
But it's improving,
I'm forcing it to.
Mostly because FAD is half decent.
Maybe I'll post a vid later.
We'll see.
Love that song.
It's catchy.
I'm dancing.
Kind of in a crappy mood.
But it's improving,
I'm forcing it to.
Mostly because FAD is half decent.
Maybe I'll post a vid later.
We'll see.
Soo...still wondering what's going on with Dollface.
She better not have died, or else.
All joking aside though,
I'm not going to /really/ worry until after all the christmas-ey days.
She could just be super busy with family stuff, etc.
Just chilling out here with Jenn and the family.
Probably going to try and get back home today.
But it snowed about a foot and a half,
possibly even more last night.
AND it's supposed to be -27 w/ wind chill sometime today/tonight.
That's fucking insane.
If I go out in that, I will die.
Like, I probably won't.
But I'll want to.
I don't know how people survive in like -47.
Because that is silly.
I would just like, drop dead.
Or freeze into an icecube and you wouldn't
see me until spring.
That'd suck, eh?
I forgot about post secrets until right now.
I'll go wander over and check those out.
She better not have died, or else.
All joking aside though,
I'm not going to /really/ worry until after all the christmas-ey days.
She could just be super busy with family stuff, etc.
Just chilling out here with Jenn and the family.
Probably going to try and get back home today.
But it snowed about a foot and a half,
possibly even more last night.
AND it's supposed to be -27 w/ wind chill sometime today/tonight.
That's fucking insane.
If I go out in that, I will die.
Like, I probably won't.
But I'll want to.
I don't know how people survive in like -47.
Because that is silly.
I would just like, drop dead.
Or freeze into an icecube and you wouldn't
see me until spring.
That'd suck, eh?
I forgot about post secrets until right now.
I'll go wander over and check those out.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Okay, wtf.
Seriously.
In serious need of an update on
what's going on,
considering I haven't talked to
Amy in forever.
And it's not like I can talk to tany,
since she's off being tortured.
SO I NEED AT LEAST ONE OF THEM,
OKAY.
SO...I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS.
OR HOW YOU TALK TO ME.
JUST GET TO IT, DOLLFACE AND
GOWRI.
GET TO IT NOW.
Lol.
But really.
Kind of worried.
Being beckoned by JJ to
go read a book.
I'll let you know how things are
here later.
Seriously.
In serious need of an update on
what's going on,
considering I haven't talked to
Amy in forever.
And it's not like I can talk to tany,
since she's off being tortured.
SO I NEED AT LEAST ONE OF THEM,
OKAY.
SO...I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS.
OR HOW YOU TALK TO ME.
JUST GET TO IT, DOLLFACE AND
GOWRI.
GET TO IT NOW.
Lol.
But really.
Kind of worried.
Being beckoned by JJ to
go read a book.
I'll let you know how things are
here later.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
IT'S JUST A FAD.
Bought Folie a Deux delux edition today.
In love with America's Suitehearts acoustic version.
And of course, Coffee's For Closers.
Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes isn't bad also.
Exciting news:: we sent off Amy's present today.
We were in a rush though,
so all the awesome stuff I wanted to add in couldn't be added in.
I wanted to make her a picture,
but I didn't have time.
So instead, I made the gift tags fancy.
I'm sure she'll love what she gets either way, though.
It's going to take 4 buisness days or something.
I don't really know.
But we paid extra for express.
I have a cam!
Here, look at the screenshot I took
of me and tany.
I forgot to block out her email.
but she said it was okay.
Lol.
Later she was like <3>
And I was like ily2.
It was cute.
Haven't heard from dollface in a while.
Hope she's alright.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Baby-sat yesterday with Tany.
Just plain hung out.
When we were home,
we went on the computer
and ate snacks.
Good times.
I wrote on gowri's hand
"Ali from the cia is the best'
and it's still there.
Wish I could snap a pic.
Feeling a million times better.
Going to take a shower soon,
then get dressed.
I'm feeling mischevous//cute.
Everything I hadn't
felt these past few weeks.
I think that's why I love the snow so much.
It brings hope.
Not to mention, Jenn has been..
I don't know. We've just been a bit more sisterly
lately.
I know mom talked to her about everything,
and it feels good that she's kind of..
there. For me.
You know?
Yeah.
I'll update my myspace//facebook status right quick here.
I have this urge to document this feeling.
PS: check out this blog entry to hear Patrock
declare himself a womanizer.
Sweet.
Just plain hung out.
When we were home,
we went on the computer
and ate snacks.
Good times.
I wrote on gowri's hand
"Ali from the cia is the best'
and it's still there.
Wish I could snap a pic.
Feeling a million times better.
Going to take a shower soon,
then get dressed.
I'm feeling mischevous//cute.
Everything I hadn't
felt these past few weeks.
I think that's why I love the snow so much.
It brings hope.
Not to mention, Jenn has been..
I don't know. We've just been a bit more sisterly
lately.
I know mom talked to her about everything,
and it feels good that she's kind of..
there. For me.
You know?
Yeah.
I'll update my myspace//facebook status right quick here.
I have this urge to document this feeling.
PS: check out this blog entry to hear Patrock
declare himself a womanizer.
Sweet.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Don't you just hate when your're sick and time doesn't seem to move?
It's just like...slow.
And you're confused,
and unsure of how it managed to go from 6 to 6;30?
I do.
That's how I was feeling last night.
I went to sleep at 9.
Woke up at 12AM,
and couldn't get back to sleep.
I got up, drank some pop.
Took a bath.
Tried to go back to sleep.
Suceeded somewhere around 3.
Woke up at 10.
Lots of sleep, but I'm tired.
My feetsies are cold.
I'll be babysitting later maybe.
Tan will come.
It'll be fun?
Sure.
It's just like...slow.
And you're confused,
and unsure of how it managed to go from 6 to 6;30?
I do.
That's how I was feeling last night.
I went to sleep at 9.
Woke up at 12AM,
and couldn't get back to sleep.
I got up, drank some pop.
Took a bath.
Tried to go back to sleep.
Suceeded somewhere around 3.
Woke up at 10.
Lots of sleep, but I'm tired.
My feetsies are cold.
I'll be babysitting later maybe.
Tan will come.
It'll be fun?
Sure.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Waiting to go home.
Nose is stuffy with snot.
It's itching me.
I hate the break GG is on.
I went to watch it yesterday,
and it was a rerun and I was like
WTF.
And then remembered we don't
get a new one until Jan.5th.
I keep coming to the computer and going on,
but no one is on.
Not Tany, not Dollface.
Kinda sucks.
I miss them both like crazy.
Tan is easier enough to see,
since she lives nearby.
But not Amy.
So yeah.
Kinda bored.
I want to go on facebook,
but there isn't anything to do on there.
I'd watch TV, but Jenn is watching the Hills.
It's funny, she didn't know it was a spin off of
Laguna Beach.
There's so many spin off shows.
There was OC, and then Laguna Beach came out
so people could know the 'real oc'
and then that ended and the Hills came out.
And now tha Whitney girl is moving to new york and getting
her own show or something.
It's weird.
There can only be so much TV associated with these people.
Seriously.
It's boring.
Nick is so cute.
Just stares.
But man, he has huge ears.
I want to play audition,
but there's no sound on this computer.
So it sucks.
My lips are chapped.
I should fix that.
Maybe ladah.
LOL.
I but 'later' like ladah because
that's how JJ says it.
This morning I was woken up by Bud brining food
here and everyone all loud in the hall.
After he left I went and sat with Jenn in her room.
And Tyler came in and we snuggled.
We used to be really close,
but then I don't know.
Jaylin came along, I guess.
And he started only wanting to play games.
But whatever.
he's still my nephew and I love him a lot.
Have you checked out post secrets yet??
There was some good ones, I think.
I don't know.
I like that site but no one else seems to have been in to it.
I'm getting a cramp from typing.
Blehh.
New FOB cd is out.
Heard most of the songs.
Not realyl excited.
A lot of them are stupid.
But hey, maybe it'll grow on me.
I'll list my favourite tracks so far
when I get home or when I get it sometime today/
tomorrow.
I think I'll go on facebook now and change my status to something
to do with FOB.
I did it for Britney, so it's only fair.
Nose is stuffy with snot.
It's itching me.
I hate the break GG is on.
I went to watch it yesterday,
and it was a rerun and I was like
WTF.
And then remembered we don't
get a new one until Jan.5th.
I keep coming to the computer and going on,
but no one is on.
Not Tany, not Dollface.
Kinda sucks.
I miss them both like crazy.
Tan is easier enough to see,
since she lives nearby.
But not Amy.
So yeah.
Kinda bored.
I want to go on facebook,
but there isn't anything to do on there.
I'd watch TV, but Jenn is watching the Hills.
It's funny, she didn't know it was a spin off of
Laguna Beach.
There's so many spin off shows.
There was OC, and then Laguna Beach came out
so people could know the 'real oc'
and then that ended and the Hills came out.
And now tha Whitney girl is moving to new york and getting
her own show or something.
It's weird.
There can only be so much TV associated with these people.
Seriously.
It's boring.
Nick is so cute.
Just stares.
But man, he has huge ears.
I want to play audition,
but there's no sound on this computer.
So it sucks.
My lips are chapped.
I should fix that.
Maybe ladah.
LOL.
I but 'later' like ladah because
that's how JJ says it.
This morning I was woken up by Bud brining food
here and everyone all loud in the hall.
After he left I went and sat with Jenn in her room.
And Tyler came in and we snuggled.
We used to be really close,
but then I don't know.
Jaylin came along, I guess.
And he started only wanting to play games.
But whatever.
he's still my nephew and I love him a lot.
Have you checked out post secrets yet??
There was some good ones, I think.
I don't know.
I like that site but no one else seems to have been in to it.
I'm getting a cramp from typing.
Blehh.
New FOB cd is out.
Heard most of the songs.
Not realyl excited.
A lot of them are stupid.
But hey, maybe it'll grow on me.
I'll list my favourite tracks so far
when I get home or when I get it sometime today/
tomorrow.
I think I'll go on facebook now and change my status to something
to do with FOB.
I did it for Britney, so it's only fair.
Coming home today.
Because I know tany will want to do things.
Jenn's msn isn't working.
I'll try the online/web browser
one in a second.
Not much to write about.
Random thoughts/facts//
It's supposed to snow tonight.
I really need a shower.
I think I'm starting to get a cold.
Need to buy 'cross my heart' from iTunes.
Can't wait for xmas.
I know what one of Jenn's presents are.
She is going to freak out.
(In a good way)//
BLAH.
I'LL JUST GO NOW.
Because I know tany will want to do things.
Jenn's msn isn't working.
I'll try the online/web browser
one in a second.
Not much to write about.
Random thoughts/facts//
It's supposed to snow tonight.
I really need a shower.
I think I'm starting to get a cold.
Need to buy 'cross my heart' from iTunes.
Can't wait for xmas.
I know what one of Jenn's presents are.
She is going to freak out.
(In a good way)//
BLAH.
I'LL JUST GO NOW.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I has a new coat.
Got that fugly one from the sponsor?
Yeah.
Exchanged it for this cute white one.
Kinda poofy, the shoulders are like neat.
Huuugeee furry hood.
Not really any pockets to have your hands in though.
But I look super good in it.
When I get back from Jenn's
I'll take a pic with Tany's cam.
Was supposed to head home today.
But Jenn is driving mom tomorrow
to school, so it'll be easier this way.
Plus, mom was being a bitch anyway.
Seasons is really cool.
She was going to go to the Britney Concert
and had tickets and everything,
but she was busy that day and couldn't go.
She knows a lot about the sort of situation
I have to live in because her mom
is sort of the same.
It's like, worse for her though.
She's 16.
Lives with her sister and is getting her own place.
She's really nice and we were talking
a lot last night after me/jenn/chris/ozzy got back.
Just waiting for Chris to get back with some
pizza for dinner.
Yum.
I MISSES MY HUSBANDY AND MY TANY.
D:
Got that fugly one from the sponsor?
Yeah.
Exchanged it for this cute white one.
Kinda poofy, the shoulders are like neat.
Huuugeee furry hood.
Not really any pockets to have your hands in though.
But I look super good in it.
When I get back from Jenn's
I'll take a pic with Tany's cam.
Was supposed to head home today.
But Jenn is driving mom tomorrow
to school, so it'll be easier this way.
Plus, mom was being a bitch anyway.
Seasons is really cool.
She was going to go to the Britney Concert
and had tickets and everything,
but she was busy that day and couldn't go.
She knows a lot about the sort of situation
I have to live in because her mom
is sort of the same.
It's like, worse for her though.
She's 16.
Lives with her sister and is getting her own place.
She's really nice and we were talking
a lot last night after me/jenn/chris/ozzy got back.
Just waiting for Chris to get back with some
pizza for dinner.
Yum.
I MISSES MY HUSBANDY AND MY TANY.
D:
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Just waiting for Jenn's babysitter Seasons (yes, that is her real name)
to get here.
Or rather for Chris to get back from getting smokes and
then get back from dropping off Jess, etc.
AND THEN pizza and then Seasons.
Me, Jenn, Chris maybe a kid or two are going to just go out.
Hang out.
Drive around.
Do whatever.
Might have to go drive out to Poco to get one of Chris's friends.
I don't care, I love being in the car.
Can't wait for the holidays/christmas.
Goooood times.
to get here.
Or rather for Chris to get back from getting smokes and
then get back from dropping off Jess, etc.
AND THEN pizza and then Seasons.
Me, Jenn, Chris maybe a kid or two are going to just go out.
Hang out.
Drive around.
Do whatever.
Might have to go drive out to Poco to get one of Chris's friends.
I don't care, I love being in the car.
Can't wait for the holidays/christmas.
Goooood times.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Stayed up late watching cars try and get down Jenn's
street. Because it's this huge hill and it's icy and snowy,
and they are all stupid and try to go down when they could just go
around and down a less steep and less icy and non-deathrap hill.
Watched half of 'Don't Mess With The Zohan',
but got tired and went to bed.
Jenn's friend Jessica and her kid and her boyfriend/guy/whatever
have been here hanging out.
It's fun.
Just watching TV and chilling.
Saw this fugly coat I got for xmas from the sponsor.
Me & Jenn are going to take it back and get something else.
Haven't had much time to just Hang out with Jenn an Chris by themselves,
but whatever.
I'm going to stay another night.
We're going to get decorations and decorate her tree,
and do the old navy thing and do a lot of stuff.
And just chill.
We went on friday and watched the movie.
I thought that it was very creepy.
Rpatz is a creep.
And kind of fugly.
And awkward. I thought Edward was..smooth.
And the sparkling?
WTF.
Looked like he was sweating sparkles.
Gross.
And his chest was all hairy when he took his shirt off.
Bella was desperate.
"I'd rather die. I trust you." etc, etc.
I never saw her like that before,
but seriously.
Woah.
Kind of made me like not like the book so much.
Taylor/Jacob was cute in the movie though.
Ridiculous hair though.
Seriously.
Wasn't as bad as in the poster pic though.
Umm.
Yeah.
So Jenn has her van and that's cool.
So we can drive places.
But stuff is all frozen, and the roads are icy.
So there's complications.
Kind of tired.
Went to bed at like 3Am I think.
Not sure.
Kind of just rambling on.
Don't really know what to say about.
But I want to blog, so.
I like it here.
It's stressfull sometimes, but not always.
Better then at home.
I can hang out, and just do whatever.
Talk and don't have to tiptoe around.
I never noticed before that I am so quiet.
And a lot of the reason that lately I've
felt like I'm just trapped in my own mind is because
at home I don't talk ever because mom is so lame.
So yeah.
Played some audition last night...
meh.
Wishing Tany or Amy was on.
But it's sunday, so Tan is stuck at home or
at her cousins.
And Dollface is probably at church or doing whatever
she does. I mean, I know the stuff she
usually does today but I'm lazy to say about it.
When I was home I saw this really cool polaroid blog,
with these really awesome pictures. I'll give the linkage
when ever I get to access my laptop,
because right now I'm on their desktop.
It's so cold out.
I don't think the temperature has changed
since like, last night.
But I sit with Jenn and stuff when she goes out for a smoke because
it's nice just us. Talking and whatever.
She just like, wants to hang out with me.
I like that.
Probably going to end this post soon.
Not much else to go on about, really.
OH! The christmas party I went to with my mother
was so crappy.
No cute guys.
Some good food, but I wasn't really hungry.
All the activities were little kid-ish.
Firemen were cool though.
They gave tyler/me/mom a tour of the firetruck.
I remember when Jenn lived in this one house,
she lived down the street from this really cool
like, junk yard thing.
But not really.
This guy just has all these old trucks
and like tractor type things.
And there's these cows that live in the feild
and chew the grass.
And then those old cars, and this small stream...
and the like broken down shed and the bare trees and
now the snow.
I wish I had a camera, the pictures would have been
amazing.
And same with this other worn down place with cows and
sheds and shit.
I mean, we don't live in a rural place but it used to be,
and those buildings have just stayed up.
Mom is getting me some awesome thing for xmas.
Jenn is holding onto the money,
and whatever I'm getting is a lot,
an no one else gets anything really.
Kind of sucks.
But me and tan will buy presents on tues.
Going to be fun to be at the mall.
KK, so.
This is a long post I'll end it now.
PS; this post is called what it is called because when we were watching
the cars spin out on the street and hit things
(so many crashed)
I was laughing loud so they would hear.
I mean, it wasn't funny.
But it was.
Because they should have not gone down the hill.
And these other ones should have listened to jenn when she
told them.
So yeah.
street. Because it's this huge hill and it's icy and snowy,
and they are all stupid and try to go down when they could just go
around and down a less steep and less icy and non-deathrap hill.
Watched half of 'Don't Mess With The Zohan',
but got tired and went to bed.
Jenn's friend Jessica and her kid and her boyfriend/guy/whatever
have been here hanging out.
It's fun.
Just watching TV and chilling.
Saw this fugly coat I got for xmas from the sponsor.
Me & Jenn are going to take it back and get something else.
Haven't had much time to just Hang out with Jenn an Chris by themselves,
but whatever.
I'm going to stay another night.
We're going to get decorations and decorate her tree,
and do the old navy thing and do a lot of stuff.
And just chill.
We went on friday and watched the movie.
I thought that it was very creepy.
Rpatz is a creep.
And kind of fugly.
And awkward. I thought Edward was..smooth.
And the sparkling?
WTF.
Looked like he was sweating sparkles.
Gross.
And his chest was all hairy when he took his shirt off.
Bella was desperate.
"I'd rather die. I trust you." etc, etc.
I never saw her like that before,
but seriously.
Woah.
Kind of made me like not like the book so much.
Taylor/Jacob was cute in the movie though.
Ridiculous hair though.
Seriously.
Wasn't as bad as in the poster pic though.
Umm.
Yeah.
So Jenn has her van and that's cool.
So we can drive places.
But stuff is all frozen, and the roads are icy.
So there's complications.
Kind of tired.
Went to bed at like 3Am I think.
Not sure.
Kind of just rambling on.
Don't really know what to say about.
But I want to blog, so.
I like it here.
It's stressfull sometimes, but not always.
Better then at home.
I can hang out, and just do whatever.
Talk and don't have to tiptoe around.
I never noticed before that I am so quiet.
And a lot of the reason that lately I've
felt like I'm just trapped in my own mind is because
at home I don't talk ever because mom is so lame.
So yeah.
Played some audition last night...
meh.
Wishing Tany or Amy was on.
But it's sunday, so Tan is stuck at home or
at her cousins.
And Dollface is probably at church or doing whatever
she does. I mean, I know the stuff she
usually does today but I'm lazy to say about it.
When I was home I saw this really cool polaroid blog,
with these really awesome pictures. I'll give the linkage
when ever I get to access my laptop,
because right now I'm on their desktop.
It's so cold out.
I don't think the temperature has changed
since like, last night.
But I sit with Jenn and stuff when she goes out for a smoke because
it's nice just us. Talking and whatever.
She just like, wants to hang out with me.
I like that.
Probably going to end this post soon.
Not much else to go on about, really.
OH! The christmas party I went to with my mother
was so crappy.
No cute guys.
Some good food, but I wasn't really hungry.
All the activities were little kid-ish.
Firemen were cool though.
They gave tyler/me/mom a tour of the firetruck.
I remember when Jenn lived in this one house,
she lived down the street from this really cool
like, junk yard thing.
But not really.
This guy just has all these old trucks
and like tractor type things.
And there's these cows that live in the feild
and chew the grass.
And then those old cars, and this small stream...
and the like broken down shed and the bare trees and
now the snow.
I wish I had a camera, the pictures would have been
amazing.
And same with this other worn down place with cows and
sheds and shit.
I mean, we don't live in a rural place but it used to be,
and those buildings have just stayed up.
Mom is getting me some awesome thing for xmas.
Jenn is holding onto the money,
and whatever I'm getting is a lot,
an no one else gets anything really.
Kind of sucks.
But me and tan will buy presents on tues.
Going to be fun to be at the mall.
KK, so.
This is a long post I'll end it now.
PS; this post is called what it is called because when we were watching
the cars spin out on the street and hit things
(so many crashed)
I was laughing loud so they would hear.
I mean, it wasn't funny.
But it was.
Because they should have not gone down the hill.
And these other ones should have listened to jenn when she
told them.
So yeah.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Nevermind about that post.
I saved it, but it got lost somewhere in internet blog land.
What a pity.
It cannot be replicated I fear though,
so.
You'll just have to wait until I'm upset again.
Until the words pour out like water from the clouds,
because I can't leave it there anymore.
I saved it, but it got lost somewhere in internet blog land.
What a pity.
It cannot be replicated I fear though,
so.
You'll just have to wait until I'm upset again.
Until the words pour out like water from the clouds,
because I can't leave it there anymore.
EDIT: might as well put my pretty picture.
I spent a good 15 minutes on it, so.
Work shouldn't be wasted.
PS: loving the song 'Coffe's for closers' off FAD.
It's catchy and addicting.
I think it has a stupid meaning.
Or rather, I'm pretty sure it does.
But I don't care. I'll take it at face value.
Wrote a lengthy entry last night about being angry at Tan and about feeling the way I often do.
Not sure about posting it.
I think I'll leave it for now.
I get this weird feeling a lot.
I'll be walking and the music will be on.
And I'll just become aware of my breathing.
It'll sound loud like panting in my own ears.
But then I pause the music, and it's not.
It's normal.
But it feels like I can't get enough air even though
I'm pulling it into my lungs.
It feels like I'm going to suffocate.
I get overly warm, and I'm trying to breathe normally and
not hyperventillate.
I usually get myself undercontrol, it doesn't get that bad.
I just stop for a second. Turn the music up louder.
Drown it out.
And sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep/sitting,
it's the same.
It's just this like..panic.
I hate it. I really do.
I don't understand it.
It scares me.
Not sure about posting it.
I think I'll leave it for now.
I get this weird feeling a lot.
I'll be walking and the music will be on.
And I'll just become aware of my breathing.
It'll sound loud like panting in my own ears.
But then I pause the music, and it's not.
It's normal.
But it feels like I can't get enough air even though
I'm pulling it into my lungs.
It feels like I'm going to suffocate.
I get overly warm, and I'm trying to breathe normally and
not hyperventillate.
I usually get myself undercontrol, it doesn't get that bad.
I just stop for a second. Turn the music up louder.
Drown it out.
And sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep/sitting,
it's the same.
It's just this like..panic.
I hate it. I really do.
I don't understand it.
It scares me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
"What do you think of this song?" - Alicia.
"It confuses me. It makes me feel like I should go do something." - Tany.
"Like what?"
"Make pancakes."
"Yeah, it is like a cooking song."
"And then go to a country thing and clap my hands while I eat my pancakes..."
"LOL."
Song was 'California Soul (REMIX)' - Marlena Shaw.
"It confuses me. It makes me feel like I should go do something." - Tany.
"Like what?"
"Make pancakes."
"Yeah, it is like a cooking song."
"And then go to a country thing and clap my hands while I eat my pancakes..."
"LOL."
Song was 'California Soul (REMIX)' - Marlena Shaw.
You may have noticed the video embedded at the bottom of the page.
It is because of my recent obsession with black cab sessions.
One musical act. One song. One take.
It's amazing.
The one I'm featureing right now if Lykke Li, the song 'I'm good, I'm gone'
I love it. Instant top 10 in my new stuff.
It's so much fun, and it's just...a good surprise.
The videos don't load that quickly for me, and it kind of sucks.
So I'm just going to load a new one every day or so to my blog.
So you can watch, and so can I.
Another cool site it hype machine.
Lots of cool songs on there.
Free to listen to.
Lots of good music blogs to read,
check it out.
Right now, Tany is over and reading a Britney article
in glamour.
I'm writing this.
Then we'll pop some popcorn and watch
Breakfast At Tiffany's.
(:
<3
It is because of my recent obsession with black cab sessions.
One musical act. One song. One take.
It's amazing.
The one I'm featureing right now if Lykke Li, the song 'I'm good, I'm gone'
I love it. Instant top 10 in my new stuff.
It's so much fun, and it's just...a good surprise.
The videos don't load that quickly for me, and it kind of sucks.
So I'm just going to load a new one every day or so to my blog.
So you can watch, and so can I.
Another cool site it hype machine.
Lots of cool songs on there.
Free to listen to.
Lots of good music blogs to read,
check it out.
Right now, Tany is over and reading a Britney article
in glamour.
I'm writing this.
Then we'll pop some popcorn and watch
Breakfast At Tiffany's.
(:
<3
Monday, December 8, 2008
BEST MOMENT OF NOVEMBER.
THIS.
I know what you're thinking after you read that.
"THIS was the best moment?
PSHSHSHSHSHSHSHH."
Well take a look at it from my view.
That was such a huge turning point from me.
I've never really been angry like that before,
and...after letting it out like that,
I've become quite...different.
More free, if that makes any sense.
THAT.
Because...GRILLED CHEESE FTW.
I know what you're thinking after you read that.
"THIS was the best moment?
PSHSHSHSHSHSHSHH."
Well take a look at it from my view.
That was such a huge turning point from me.
I've never really been angry like that before,
and...after letting it out like that,
I've become quite...different.
More free, if that makes any sense.
THAT.
Because...GRILLED CHEESE FTW.
Me and Tan stayed up to some unamazing hour of the morning.
She left her house at around 2, and I went to meet her.
Then we walked to my house.
And then we ditched her bags and went to wal-mart.
I know what you're thinking: 'Wal-Mart is open at 2AM?'
Yes my friends, it is.
For a little something called the holiday rush.
We got a bunch of snacks and then headed home.
It was weird being in there when it was empty and when the people were
all working to get the store back into shape.
When were coming out of wal-mart, my mom jumped out and
scared the crap out of me.
I screamed so loud.
It was kind of funny now that I think about it,
but....meh.
POPTARTS!!! <3
Anyway.
Um.
Tired.
I don't even know when we went to bed.
Sometimes after 5, I think.
Don't know what the plan is for today.
Where the fuck is my snow.
She left her house at around 2, and I went to meet her.
Then we walked to my house.
And then we ditched her bags and went to wal-mart.
I know what you're thinking: 'Wal-Mart is open at 2AM?'
Yes my friends, it is.
For a little something called the holiday rush.
We got a bunch of snacks and then headed home.
It was weird being in there when it was empty and when the people were
all working to get the store back into shape.
When were coming out of wal-mart, my mom jumped out and
scared the crap out of me.
I screamed so loud.
It was kind of funny now that I think about it,
but....meh.
POPTARTS!!! <3
Anyway.
Um.
Tired.
I don't even know when we went to bed.
Sometimes after 5, I think.
Don't know what the plan is for today.
Where the fuck is my snow.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
New/10.
'Keep Breathing' - Ingrid Michaelson.
'Faithless' - City and Colour.
'You Might Have Noticed' - The Academy Is...
'Mmm Papi' & 'Lace and Leather' - Britney Spears.
'Unaware' - The Midway State.
'Elephants' - Rachael Yamagata.
'Sometimes We Have Too Much Fun' - You, Me, And Everyone We Know.
'I Don't Care ( Sauve Saurez REMIX)' - Fall Out Boy.
'Eyes Of The Night' - Staylight Mints.
'Faithless' - City and Colour.
'You Might Have Noticed' - The Academy Is...
'Mmm Papi' & 'Lace and Leather' - Britney Spears.
'Unaware' - The Midway State.
'Elephants' - Rachael Yamagata.
'Sometimes We Have Too Much Fun' - You, Me, And Everyone We Know.
'I Don't Care ( Sauve Saurez REMIX)' - Fall Out Boy.
'Eyes Of The Night' - Staylight Mints.
Britney Concert sold out in three minutes.
I could cry if I wasn't so on edge over
a craigslist add I answered.
They were looking for music writers
for some up and coming website.
I wrote up a piece on YMAEWK in 30 minutes,
sent it off.
Still waiting to hear back.
Here's my sample:
'I used to love what I used to love/moving on was a chore I was never quite ready for/They used to say I was a caustious man/it's been weeks since I looked both ways or gave a damn'
So starts the first track off of a a brand spankin' new EP from You, Me, And Everyone We Know.Not much has been heard of these boys from Washington, DC in the mainstream world,what with them being an unsigned indie band with what can be somewhatly x rated lyrics...but the indie scene has been eating them up. With upwards of 10,000 listeners on the popular social music site Last.fm and 29,132 friends on myspace, they are becoming quite well knownfor their playfully blunt lyrics and pop/rock sound.
The quartet of men are currently on a full blown US tour, travelling with companions likeI Set My Friends On Fire and Karate High School, planning on upcoming dates in San Jose, Portland and Seattle. Talk on social music websites such as absolute punksuggests that those planning to attend are excited as could be to hear the familiar sounding group vocals andinfectious choruses live, with the majority of those going having been to see Ben, Rico, Noel and Aaronin concert before. Looks like the 'So Young, So Insane' EP is a hit, with old fans and new.Something we all know can be a bit of a struggle when it comes to a groups' second release.
As for getting signed any time soon, the guys couldn't be bothered.They'll be sticking to their 'unsigned and just fine' mantra andcontinue to roll out the amazing tunes and keep true to their adoring fans.
I could cry if I wasn't so on edge over
a craigslist add I answered.
They were looking for music writers
for some up and coming website.
I wrote up a piece on YMAEWK in 30 minutes,
sent it off.
Still waiting to hear back.
Here's my sample:
'I used to love what I used to love/moving on was a chore I was never quite ready for/They used to say I was a caustious man/it's been weeks since I looked both ways or gave a damn'
So starts the first track off of a a brand spankin' new EP from You, Me, And Everyone We Know.Not much has been heard of these boys from Washington, DC in the mainstream world,what with them being an unsigned indie band with what can be somewhatly x rated lyrics...but the indie scene has been eating them up. With upwards of 10,000 listeners on the popular social music site Last.fm and 29,132 friends on myspace, they are becoming quite well knownfor their playfully blunt lyrics and pop/rock sound.
The quartet of men are currently on a full blown US tour, travelling with companions likeI Set My Friends On Fire and Karate High School, planning on upcoming dates in San Jose, Portland and Seattle. Talk on social music websites such as absolute punksuggests that those planning to attend are excited as could be to hear the familiar sounding group vocals andinfectious choruses live, with the majority of those going having been to see Ben, Rico, Noel and Aaronin concert before. Looks like the 'So Young, So Insane' EP is a hit, with old fans and new.Something we all know can be a bit of a struggle when it comes to a groups' second release.
As for getting signed any time soon, the guys couldn't be bothered.They'll be sticking to their 'unsigned and just fine' mantra andcontinue to roll out the amazing tunes and keep true to their adoring fans.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I miss my husband.
It seems like we haven't
really talked lately.
Feeling..sick?
I don't know.
Tired.
Slept like 13 hours last night
plus the five earlier.
So I don't know.
I think I'd feel more artsy/like writing eloquently
if I had had some time alone.
But who knows.
Kind of sick of people.
Got to yell at the house the other day.
Was fun.
Good times.
It seems like we haven't
really talked lately.
Feeling..sick?
I don't know.
Tired.
Slept like 13 hours last night
plus the five earlier.
So I don't know.
I think I'd feel more artsy/like writing eloquently
if I had had some time alone.
But who knows.
Kind of sick of people.
Got to yell at the house the other day.
Was fun.
Good times.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Eff Uuu See Kay Mee...
Haha. Yeah. Tany figured out what 'If You Seek Amy' means.
'But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy.'
That doesn't make any sense, right?
And I was like, thinking so much "WTF."
And tany was like "OH!"
and then was like "F U C K ME!"
Lol.
And it fits!
Because the song does have that
"Everyone wants to fuck me over" vibe,
and then she's just like "Psh, no."
Heat stopped working last night.
Some problem, I don't know.
And it was sooo cold all night
and in the morning.
I got up, and had to put sweats on
and a sweater and thick socks,
and went immediately to sit
infront of the fire.
Lol, it's nice though.
Because everyone hangs around
the living room, so.
It's homey.
Tany slept for a long time,
and when my dad got back home
with groceries I made grilled cheese
for everyone and woke her up with it.
it was funny, I just went in.
Turned on the light.
And then poked her and was like
"Take the food, take the food."
And then we sat in here a bit, but it
was too cold so we went into the living room.
That cute electrician we always get came over
and fixed everything.
Mom was like "ooh."And I was like "Hah."
It's funny because Dollface is a cute electrician. (;
Anyywayy. Probably going to do some actual shopping
today. Go to the mall. Pick up some presentss...
other good stuff while the deals are on.
Yeah. Then come chill at home.
So yeah.
'But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy.'
That doesn't make any sense, right?
And I was like, thinking so much "WTF."
And tany was like "OH!"
and then was like "F U C K ME!"
Lol.
And it fits!
Because the song does have that
"Everyone wants to fuck me over" vibe,
and then she's just like "Psh, no."
Heat stopped working last night.
Some problem, I don't know.
And it was sooo cold all night
and in the morning.
I got up, and had to put sweats on
and a sweater and thick socks,
and went immediately to sit
infront of the fire.
Lol, it's nice though.
Because everyone hangs around
the living room, so.
It's homey.
Tany slept for a long time,
and when my dad got back home
with groceries I made grilled cheese
for everyone and woke her up with it.
it was funny, I just went in.
Turned on the light.
And then poked her and was like
"Take the food, take the food."
And then we sat in here a bit, but it
was too cold so we went into the living room.
That cute electrician we always get came over
and fixed everything.
Mom was like "ooh."And I was like "Hah."
It's funny because Dollface is a cute electrician. (;
Anyywayy. Probably going to do some actual shopping
today. Go to the mall. Pick up some presentss...
other good stuff while the deals are on.
Yeah. Then come chill at home.
So yeah.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I'm sick.
Felt kinda
like puking yesterday morning,
but it went away so I
didn't think much of it.
Was fine all day.
And then I woke up at 4am,
with burps that tasted
like the pizza me and Tan had had,
and my spit tasting like pizza and
feeling sick to my stomach.
Got up, went to the bathroom.
Got some juice, went back to bed.
Listened to music for an hour in
bed. Went back to sleep.
Woke up at 11,
watched gossip girl.
Feeling awful.
My mom saw it coming.
Said I was looking kind of sick
when we were talking
before I went to bed.
Just got out of the bath.
I think I'll listen to some music.
But I'll leave my msn open, so
you all can reach me.
Felt kinda
like puking yesterday morning,
but it went away so I
didn't think much of it.
Was fine all day.
And then I woke up at 4am,
with burps that tasted
like the pizza me and Tan had had,
and my spit tasting like pizza and
feeling sick to my stomach.
Got up, went to the bathroom.
Got some juice, went back to bed.
Listened to music for an hour in
bed. Went back to sleep.
Woke up at 11,
watched gossip girl.
Feeling awful.
My mom saw it coming.
Said I was looking kind of sick
when we were talking
before I went to bed.
Just got out of the bath.
I think I'll listen to some music.
But I'll leave my msn open, so
you all can reach me.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
New/10. NOW WITH REASONS.
'Cinnamon' - The Long Winters -- This song is like summer. I can't explain why. It's one of those things that just is.
'Top 5 Addictions' - Hidden In Plain View -- Awesome song to be angry to. It's so emo it make you feel better.
'A Symptom' - You, Me, And Everyone You Know -- This song has charm.
'Grounds For Divorce' - Wolf Parade -- I'm starting to see a new side to this song. A funny one.
I love it.
'The Hit Parade' - Unkle Bob -- ' I wish you were mine// Just say that you want me' ENOUGH SAID.
'Waste Myself' - This Providence -- It's everything I'll probably never have. And at the same time, I do have it. Just not the way the song intends. 'We can make this moment ours/I can hold you, touch your scars' This song means friends to me.
'Fade Away' - Sing It Loud -- Reason A) PAT BROWN RULES. B) 'Baby can we get a little closer? Maybe we can do what we're supposed to.'
'Circus' - Britney Spears -- I can identify with this & it makes me feel...like the kind of person I try to be some times.
'Hum Hallelujah' - Fall Out Boy -- This song sings of different times. It has lots of memories, and it makes me smile.
'I Can Get Back Up Now' - You, Me, And Everyone We Know -- Because I'm so young, so insane. And because of so many other reasons.
'Top 5 Addictions' - Hidden In Plain View -- Awesome song to be angry to. It's so emo it make you feel better.
'A Symptom' - You, Me, And Everyone You Know -- This song has charm.
'Grounds For Divorce' - Wolf Parade -- I'm starting to see a new side to this song. A funny one.
I love it.
'The Hit Parade' - Unkle Bob -- ' I wish you were mine// Just say that you want me' ENOUGH SAID.
'Waste Myself' - This Providence -- It's everything I'll probably never have. And at the same time, I do have it. Just not the way the song intends. 'We can make this moment ours/I can hold you, touch your scars' This song means friends to me.
'Fade Away' - Sing It Loud -- Reason A) PAT BROWN RULES. B) 'Baby can we get a little closer? Maybe we can do what we're supposed to.'
'Circus' - Britney Spears -- I can identify with this & it makes me feel...like the kind of person I try to be some times.
'Hum Hallelujah' - Fall Out Boy -- This song sings of different times. It has lots of memories, and it makes me smile.
'I Can Get Back Up Now' - You, Me, And Everyone We Know -- Because I'm so young, so insane. And because of so many other reasons.
"I am tired, not hungry, and totally useless."*
Hot damn, it's nice to feel a tiny bit normal for a change.
Still tired as fuck.
Still not hungry at all.
But I'm working on it.
One step at a time.
My mind is racing,
but it's not in a
crazy way.
It's in a...hopeful way?
Sure.
Wore the best leg coverings ever last night
on the walk to tany's.
My grey leggings, fuzzy socks.
Striped leg warmers over the socks and over the leggings.
Jeans over top of all that.
Rubber boots that are so big there's
room for a whole other foot for shoes.
I was toasty warm all through the rainy
cold night.
I even danced a bit.
The travelling pants song.
"Make me throw my legs in pants, pants, pants!"
* It's actually "I am tired, hungry and totally useless"
from 'Let's get fucked up and die' - Motion City Soundtrack.
Was listening to this as I wrote my post.
Decided to put that in the title since it fit nice.
Hell yeah.
Still tired as fuck.
Still not hungry at all.
But I'm working on it.
One step at a time.
My mind is racing,
but it's not in a
crazy way.
It's in a...hopeful way?
Sure.
Wore the best leg coverings ever last night
on the walk to tany's.
My grey leggings, fuzzy socks.
Striped leg warmers over the socks and over the leggings.
Jeans over top of all that.
Rubber boots that are so big there's
room for a whole other foot for shoes.
I was toasty warm all through the rainy
cold night.
I even danced a bit.
The travelling pants song.
"Make me throw my legs in pants, pants, pants!"
* It's actually "I am tired, hungry and totally useless"
from 'Let's get fucked up and die' - Motion City Soundtrack.
Was listening to this as I wrote my post.
Decided to put that in the title since it fit nice.
Hell yeah.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Amy says:
YOUR MY BFFF, MAN.
[ALICIA] says:
SEEING THAT WORD MAKES ME THINK OF BEEF.
I MEAN,
YOU'RE MINE TOO. (:
Amy says:
ROFLMAO
BEEF! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER TONIGHT
[ALICIA] says:
WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN.
I THINK.
Amy says:
XD
I'M HAVING A BANANA1
[ALICIA] says:
DON'T DO ANYTHING PERVY WITH IT.
I MEAN...
Amy says:
XD
WANNA WATCH ON CAM, HONEY?
[ALICIA] says:
TOTALLY.
GIVE ME A SEC TO GO POP SOME POPCORN FIRST.
MIND IF THE DAUGHTER JOINS IN TOO?
Amy says:
XD
NAH
LET HER WATCH
[ALICIA] says:
AWESOME.
FAMILY FUN NIGHT!
Lol. That was fun.
Amy says:
XD
IT'S A DOG SHOW MOMENT
YOUR MY BFFF, MAN.
[ALICIA] says:
SEEING THAT WORD MAKES ME THINK OF BEEF.
I MEAN,
YOU'RE MINE TOO. (:
Amy says:
ROFLMAO
BEEF! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER TONIGHT
[ALICIA] says:
WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN.
I THINK.
Amy says:
XD
I'M HAVING A BANANA1
[ALICIA] says:
DON'T DO ANYTHING PERVY WITH IT.
I MEAN...
Amy says:
XD
WANNA WATCH ON CAM, HONEY?
[ALICIA] says:
TOTALLY.
GIVE ME A SEC TO GO POP SOME POPCORN FIRST.
MIND IF THE DAUGHTER JOINS IN TOO?
Amy says:
XD
NAH
LET HER WATCH
[ALICIA] says:
AWESOME.
FAMILY FUN NIGHT!
Lol. That was fun.
Amy says:
XD
IT'S A DOG SHOW MOMENT
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I forgot to put the part about the fuckers in the below post.
And then I was about to do it but forgot what I was going to say.
Probably going to do some more pictures today.
Feeling in that sort of mood.
Will have to talk later to my mom about stuff.
Last night Tany let is slip I was having a 'tough time'
and my mom said "Are you okay?"
and I said "Nope." with a huge smile on my face.
And she asked in front of James,
so.
I don't know if she actually cares to know.
Or will even remember.
I sort of want to just get it out already.
I don't give a damn anymore.
And then I was about to do it but forgot what I was going to say.
Probably going to do some more pictures today.
Feeling in that sort of mood.
Will have to talk later to my mom about stuff.
Last night Tany let is slip I was having a 'tough time'
and my mom said "Are you okay?"
and I said "Nope." with a huge smile on my face.
And she asked in front of James,
so.
I don't know if she actually cares to know.
Or will even remember.
I sort of want to just get it out already.
I don't give a damn anymore.
New/Fuckers.
New EP from You, Me, And Everyone You Know is amazing.
It's called 'So Young And Insane' and it's awesome.
You can download it for free on myspace.
myspace.com/youmeandeveryoneweknow
I think that's it. Meh.
Not sure if the new EP is better then
Party For The Grown and Sexy.
Either way,
I love both.
And I love the band.
It's called 'So Young And Insane' and it's awesome.
You can download it for free on myspace.
myspace.com/youmeandeveryoneweknow
I think that's it. Meh.
Not sure if the new EP is better then
Party For The Grown and Sexy.
Either way,
I love both.
And I love the band.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Everytime I come on, no one is on.
Which kind of sucks but whatever.
Waiting for Jenn to make some breakfast.
I'll probably end up helping, not that I mind.
My arms hurt from holding Nick
and walking around so he wouldn't cry.
He likes me, I can always make him
smile and he always stares at me.
Played alot with Tyler.
Crazy 8's with this card set
he got for his birthday from
Chris's parents.
And Operation,
which he got for his b-day from
his friend Joshua.
We also have thumb wars and play
I spy and rock paper scissors.
Since I'm nicer to him he listens to
me better and is happier to have
someone paying attention to him.
I really want to be at home,
despite all the goodness I'm doing here.
I don't mind helping out or anything.
I just miss my room.
Being able to do what I want.
And showers.
I never shower here, it's weird for me.
You know about my aversion to bathrooms.
I'd have been home yesterday,
but my Dad was an ass and didn't
come pick me up.
So Jenn's friend Pat is going
to drive me later.
Or Jenn will, since they're getting a van today.
Ever since Grandma died
(bleh, it feels awful to say that)
I feel angry all the time.
Everything I usually feel irritated about
x10.
I just want to like, scream.
I dunno.
Thinking about not volunteering this year and waiting.
I haven't even been there in years,
so what would be the point?
I don't even think I could live up to the expectations
even if they did pick me.
But why would they, I'm a mess.
Sorry for worrying you guys.
I just haven't been near the computer much, so.
Yeah.
Which kind of sucks but whatever.
Waiting for Jenn to make some breakfast.
I'll probably end up helping, not that I mind.
My arms hurt from holding Nick
and walking around so he wouldn't cry.
He likes me, I can always make him
smile and he always stares at me.
Played alot with Tyler.
Crazy 8's with this card set
he got for his birthday from
Chris's parents.
And Operation,
which he got for his b-day from
his friend Joshua.
We also have thumb wars and play
I spy and rock paper scissors.
Since I'm nicer to him he listens to
me better and is happier to have
someone paying attention to him.
I really want to be at home,
despite all the goodness I'm doing here.
I don't mind helping out or anything.
I just miss my room.
Being able to do what I want.
And showers.
I never shower here, it's weird for me.
You know about my aversion to bathrooms.
I'd have been home yesterday,
but my Dad was an ass and didn't
come pick me up.
So Jenn's friend Pat is going
to drive me later.
Or Jenn will, since they're getting a van today.
Ever since Grandma died
(bleh, it feels awful to say that)
I feel angry all the time.
Everything I usually feel irritated about
x10.
I just want to like, scream.
I dunno.
Thinking about not volunteering this year and waiting.
I haven't even been there in years,
so what would be the point?
I don't even think I could live up to the expectations
even if they did pick me.
But why would they, I'm a mess.
Sorry for worrying you guys.
I just haven't been near the computer much, so.
Yeah.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
I don't understand this feeling.
I just don't.
I don't get this.
It's not like something I can deal with.
Not like something that's a feeling
I've ever felt.
Isn't a part of me.
Isn't something I think about until I get it.
Isn't something that feels like it has a reason.
It's just here.
And we were just about to be going up there.
Jenn talked to her just last week.
And like...
I don't understand how james can not care.
How he's just like normal.
Eating and sleeping and watching TV
and making jokes like always.
He was in the kitchen and I was in the dining room (where I am sitting currently)
and he was saying about how she probably
died in her sleep.
But when I phoned Jenn to tell her the bad news she phoned
grandpa to make sure, I guess.
And to see how he was doing.
He said she went badly, in lots of pain.
So I said.
I was like "Jenn phoned grandma...
I mean grandpa. He said she went with lots of pain."
And he didn't hear me correct myself.
And just kept being like "She phoned grandma?"
"How did she phone grandma?"
And it's just I'm so used to hearing about phoning grandma,
I forgot.
It just slipped out.
And I was like "I said grandma at first
and then corrected myself. Stop acting like
an asshole and listen for once."
And he just got mad and called me a bunch of names and
was like "don't say shit to me just because you think
you're special..."
And I don't think I'm special.
I don't know why everyone thinks I do.
I don't know why I'm the favourite....
Just finished talking on the phone to various people.
And James took how he was being an asshole to a whole new level.
He was getting the phone from me
to phone god knows who.
Probably his fucking crack dealer.
Anyway, um..I was like "I need the phone, jenn will probably call."
And he was like "We have a double line."
and treating me like an idiot.
And then he took the phone and went into the kitchen.
And was like "Did you even know grandma?"
And I couldn't even say anything.
If I opened my mouth I would cry.
So I just looked away.
And he's like "You didn't even know grandma.
So I don't even know why you're all crying
and shit now."
And I just...snapped.
I couldn't take it.
I had a glass of sprite near by, and I just...my brain shut off.
I picked it up and just chucked it into the kitchen.
Grabbed my computer and by now I was crying.
So then, I just..yelled at him.
"EXACTLY. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW HER.
I'LL NEVER KNOW HER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW OTHER PEOPLE CAN FEEL.
YOU DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO THNK ABOUT
OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.
I JUST FUCKING...GOD."
I was about to say I just fucking hated him.
But I didn't want to start a bigger fight.
So I just kind of ran into my room, sobbing my eyes out.
I threw my computer down on the clothes pile.
Tore down the purses I have hanging on the wall near my closet/door.
Tore down the coat /purse/scarf rack near the desk.
Ripped down the curtains around my bed.
Wobbled around kind of unsure and practically ripped off my new sweater
because it was wet.
Stumbled over to the closet and fell kind of slow motion
to my knees, still crying.
I cried a bit,
rocking back and forth, listening to the ipod.
And then...grabbed my computer.
Wiped off most of the pop that got on it.
My keyboard is sticky.
And um...yeah.
I'm just kind of sitting now.
I don't feel like I have the energy
to get up.
Like I have the energy to do anything.
That was the first time in forever
I'd actually been angry.
So angry.
I feel pathetic.
Lost.
Empty.
Truly and totally drained of everything.
Fuck, I need a hug so bad right now.
All I want is to just leave this house.
Go to Gowri's and just...cry.
And just..talk to her.
But I can't because my mom is on her way.
And Jenn is too.
I wish Amy were here.
I just don't.
I don't get this.
It's not like something I can deal with.
Not like something that's a feeling
I've ever felt.
Isn't a part of me.
Isn't something I think about until I get it.
Isn't something that feels like it has a reason.
It's just here.
And we were just about to be going up there.
Jenn talked to her just last week.
And like...
I don't understand how james can not care.
How he's just like normal.
Eating and sleeping and watching TV
and making jokes like always.
He was in the kitchen and I was in the dining room (where I am sitting currently)
and he was saying about how she probably
died in her sleep.
But when I phoned Jenn to tell her the bad news she phoned
grandpa to make sure, I guess.
And to see how he was doing.
He said she went badly, in lots of pain.
So I said.
I was like "Jenn phoned grandma...
I mean grandpa. He said she went with lots of pain."
And he didn't hear me correct myself.
And just kept being like "She phoned grandma?"
"How did she phone grandma?"
And it's just I'm so used to hearing about phoning grandma,
I forgot.
It just slipped out.
And I was like "I said grandma at first
and then corrected myself. Stop acting like
an asshole and listen for once."
And he just got mad and called me a bunch of names and
was like "don't say shit to me just because you think
you're special..."
And I don't think I'm special.
I don't know why everyone thinks I do.
I don't know why I'm the favourite....
Just finished talking on the phone to various people.
And James took how he was being an asshole to a whole new level.
He was getting the phone from me
to phone god knows who.
Probably his fucking crack dealer.
Anyway, um..I was like "I need the phone, jenn will probably call."
And he was like "We have a double line."
and treating me like an idiot.
And then he took the phone and went into the kitchen.
And was like "Did you even know grandma?"
And I couldn't even say anything.
If I opened my mouth I would cry.
So I just looked away.
And he's like "You didn't even know grandma.
So I don't even know why you're all crying
and shit now."
And I just...snapped.
I couldn't take it.
I had a glass of sprite near by, and I just...my brain shut off.
I picked it up and just chucked it into the kitchen.
Grabbed my computer and by now I was crying.
So then, I just..yelled at him.
"EXACTLY. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW HER.
I'LL NEVER KNOW HER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW OTHER PEOPLE CAN FEEL.
YOU DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO THNK ABOUT
OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.
I JUST FUCKING...GOD."
I was about to say I just fucking hated him.
But I didn't want to start a bigger fight.
So I just kind of ran into my room, sobbing my eyes out.
I threw my computer down on the clothes pile.
Tore down the purses I have hanging on the wall near my closet/door.
Tore down the coat /purse/scarf rack near the desk.
Ripped down the curtains around my bed.
Wobbled around kind of unsure and practically ripped off my new sweater
because it was wet.
Stumbled over to the closet and fell kind of slow motion
to my knees, still crying.
I cried a bit,
rocking back and forth, listening to the ipod.
And then...grabbed my computer.
Wiped off most of the pop that got on it.
My keyboard is sticky.
And um...yeah.
I'm just kind of sitting now.
I don't feel like I have the energy
to get up.
Like I have the energy to do anything.
That was the first time in forever
I'd actually been angry.
So angry.
I feel pathetic.
Lost.
Empty.
Truly and totally drained of everything.
Fuck, I need a hug so bad right now.
All I want is to just leave this house.
Go to Gowri's and just...cry.
And just..talk to her.
But I can't because my mom is on her way.
And Jenn is too.
I wish Amy were here.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I want grilled cheese now.
I've had a bunch in the past week or so.
Like...4, but I just want more.
More more more more.
Buttery with ketchup mmmmm.
Tany was like:
"We can get the stuff at my house, don't spend your money."
And I was like.
"Nooo."
and she was like
"WHY NO. "
and i was like
"BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA WALK, LOLOLOLOL."
Goood times.
Also: pancakes plz.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A RANDOM SURVEY FROM TS.
1. What is one of the biggest things that has ever happened to you and how did it change your life?
I have no idea.
2. What is your earliest memory as a child?
Standing in my kitchen when I was 3/4, asking my mom for a bottle even though I drank out of a cup.
3. What makes you the happiest?
The little things.
4. What is your biggest fear?
That I'll be stuck here forever.
Correction: that I'll be stuck here forever
and like it.
5. What is your most frequent emotion?
Wonder.
6. What is the toughest thing about being and teenager and why?
You're not quite and adult and not quite a child.
Because...it's hard to figure out where you stand.
7. What is the easiet thing about being a teenager and why?
You're not quite a child and not quite an adult.
Because sometimes being a little lost is fun.
8. What do you like most about yourself?
I am kind, and smart and have lots of determination
and perserverance.
9. What bothers you the most about yourself?
I'm fucked up.
10. Do you think you can have an impact on the world-make a difference in life, and if so what kind of impact do you think you can have?
I shall just live my life the best I can, and hope I inspire people to be better
and rise up and out of the things that hold them back.
11. Do you believe in God? Sometimes.
Do you pray? Sometimes.
What do you pray for? That everything ends up okay.
Do you follow any organized religion? No.
What does this belief give you? Reasoning.
12. Tell me about your family.
Do you have a mother or father? I have both.
How do your mother and father get along? In extremes.
Who do you live with? Mom, James. Dad sometimes.
How do you get along with them? Meh. Fine I guess.
Do you have brothers and sisters? Yes.
How do you all get along? I love them. They love me.
Do you think family is important? Sometimes.
Do you want a family of your own one day? Yes, very much.
What knid of family do you want? A loving one.
What do you consider to be the perfect family? Everyone is as happy as possible.
13. Where do you get most of your information?
Do you use the internet? Yes.
Do you use the phone? No, I hate the phone.
Do you watch T.V.? No.
Which of these is most important to you? Internet.
14. Are you in school? Yes.
What grade are you in? 9.
What do you like most about school? Learning.
What is you favorite subject? Science.
What is you least favortie subject? Math.
Do you think school is important and why? Yes. You need the skills they teach.
Do you think you will go to college? Yes.
How will you pay for college? I have no idea.
15. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No.
What is the longest relationship you ever had? Meh.
Have you been sexually active? No.
If so, do your parents know about them? N/A
At what age did you lose your virginity? N/A
Do you think you were ready for it? N/A
Do you use protection? N/A
How do you feel about teenage sex? I think for older teens who are REALLY in love it's okay. And not all the time or with lots of people. You shouldn't be a slut.
Do you have friends who are sexually active? Not that I know of.
How do you feel about abortion? I think it depends on the situation.
If you got pregnant, what would you do? Keep it.
16. Have you ever personally suffered from discrimination? I don't know.
Tell me the instance. N/A.
Has anyone you ever known suffered from discrimination? I don't know.
Have you ever discriminated against anyone and why? I try not to.
How do you feel about discrimination? It's lame.
17. Have you ever experminted with drugs? Yes.
Which drugs? Marijuana.
How often do you use? Not often at all. Pretty much never.
Do you smoke? No.
Do you drink? No.
18. Who do you respect the most and why? I'm not sure.
19. If you could be someone else in the world, who would that be and why? I wouldn't be anyone else. Life wouldn't be any easier or harder.
20. As you look ahead in your life, what do you think you will become? More confused.
21. Is money important to you? Sometimes.
Would you consider your family to be (fincially) upper-class, upper-middle, middle, lower-middle, lower-class? Lower-class.
When you go out into the world as an adult, do you want a similar lifestyle to the one you grew up in? FUCK NO.
Do you want to earn more money? Less? We don't even earn our money. So I think the starting point would be that I would like to earn something.
22. What is one of the biggest problems in the world you would like to help?
There's too many problems to pick just one that is important to me.
23. Do you believe in and support the war that we are in with Iraq? IDK.
If you could vote in the fall, who would you choose for President of the USA? I don't live in usa.
24. What is your ethinc background? ...Mixed?
What ethincities are most of your friends? Indian, Other random stuff put together.
25. Do you have a job? Not really.
How much money do you make? Depends.
How old were you when you got your first job? Meh.
If you don't work, where do you get your spenig money? Mother.
What do you spen your money on? Clothes, music.
26. Where were you on September 11, 2001? I don't remember.
What impact has this had on your life? No.
Has this made you more fearful? No.
Do you feel any differently towards other ethnic groups, religious group, or foreigners?
Have you made any change in your life, because of this attack? No.
Things.
TODAY:
Talk to my husband.
Do school work w. Tany.
Play Audition.
Eat good food.
TOMORROW:
Buy some clothes because mom is giving the moneyy.
Get my ticket to go to grandmas*
Make a NEW 10.
---
FEELING RIGHT NOW:
Not so great.
Kinda bitchy.
Would rather stay home and do none of the today things
unless I feel like it.
---
SONG PLAYING NOW:
'Divine Intervention [live]' - Taking Back Sunday.
I like the way the song feels.
And it's funny because in the middle of it all,
a string brakes and it's like
"I broke a string.That's how hard I'm rocking for you, you see."
---
CRAVING:
Hot chocolate. Snow.
Grill cheese and a pair of comfy pants.
Worries = gone.
Also, I am wanting to finish
my latest collage that I started
last night.
Anddd...roleplay.
---
LAST REASON I SMILED:
For being a TOP LISTENER for YMAEWK!
More to follow.
Talk to my husband.
Do school work w. Tany.
Play Audition.
Eat good food.
TOMORROW:
Buy some clothes because mom is giving the moneyy.
Get my ticket to go to grandmas*
Make a NEW 10.
---
FEELING RIGHT NOW:
Not so great.
Kinda bitchy.
Would rather stay home and do none of the today things
unless I feel like it.
---
SONG PLAYING NOW:
'Divine Intervention [live]' - Taking Back Sunday.
I like the way the song feels.
And it's funny because in the middle of it all,
a string brakes and it's like
"I broke a string.That's how hard I'm rocking for you, you see."
---
CRAVING:
Hot chocolate. Snow.
Grill cheese and a pair of comfy pants.
Worries = gone.
Also, I am wanting to finish
my latest collage that I started
last night.
Anddd...roleplay.
---
LAST REASON I SMILED:
For being a TOP LISTENER for YMAEWK!
More to follow.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Bought the new EP from This Providence yesterday on iTunes.
Some good stuff on there.
Renovated version of 'My Beautiful Rescue' being one of them.
Not to mention 'Hopeless' and 'Waste Myself'
Also got some songs off of the new ARTTM's new EP.
'Dakota' in full and two other songs that are good but not mind blowingly so.
I've had 'Top 5 Addictions' by Hidden In Plain View has been stuck in my head ALL day and all night. It's a good song, a little generic though.
I like the overall sound and the lyrics.
So um...not much going on over here.
Probably not going to return this sweater
I got yesterday that fits, but doesn't fit.
Because mom thinks if we wash it
and stretch it a bit and like not put it in the dryer
it'll be better.
I look pretty good in it, actually.
I got this dress back from my sister that I haven't worn for like...a year and a half.
We got it the summer before last.
Still fits okay. She gave me a sweater too, this REALLY adorable soft wooly one
that's like, just a half shirt/shrug type thing. But I love it.
It looks wonderful with the dress.
That's what I wore to the mall. Only I used the dress like a shirt
since it's not too long anyway
and wore my jeans, lol.
Read a book last night 'Get Well Soon' by Julie Halpern.
It was funny, but not overly awesome.
Main character was pretty lame.
I expected a bit more drama.
A bit more...realisim.
Less fake, less...I don't know.
It's just like, about this girl whos depressed.
And like, doesn't like herself or something lame.
And doesn't know what's going on with her.
And listens to some lame band called The Ramones
and plays bass and blah blah blah.
She was way lamer then the flap on the book lead me to believe.
Anyway. So her parents dump her in this like,
hospital. And she just cries about it.
For like, so many days she's like crying.
And like, writing and it's lame.
it starts out as letters then just turns into a journal.
Which is like "WTF."
And it's basically just a forbidden love story.
Because she obsesses for like ever
about this stupid boy who's there too.
And blah blah blah he likes lame music too.
I am just so over all of it.
The way she felt sooo at home
in the stupid hospital and liked it
and wanted to stay was lame.
There was just a lot of things I didn't like.
Probably should've looked around a little
more before deciding on that one.
Hmm.
My mom came in and was like "I'm going to get groceries."
And then she said something else and it
sounded like "Taco Launch."
But I think it was actually "Stuff for lunch"
IDK, but it was funny.
I was like, just waking up and she just opens the door and is all
lame and comes in here.
I was like D;< and she was like "Taco Launch!"
Hah.
I'm bored.
I'll go find something to do now.
Some good stuff on there.
Renovated version of 'My Beautiful Rescue' being one of them.
Not to mention 'Hopeless' and 'Waste Myself'
Also got some songs off of the new ARTTM's new EP.
'Dakota' in full and two other songs that are good but not mind blowingly so.
I've had 'Top 5 Addictions' by Hidden In Plain View has been stuck in my head ALL day and all night. It's a good song, a little generic though.
I like the overall sound and the lyrics.
So um...not much going on over here.
Probably not going to return this sweater
I got yesterday that fits, but doesn't fit.
Because mom thinks if we wash it
and stretch it a bit and like not put it in the dryer
it'll be better.
I look pretty good in it, actually.
I got this dress back from my sister that I haven't worn for like...a year and a half.
We got it the summer before last.
Still fits okay. She gave me a sweater too, this REALLY adorable soft wooly one
that's like, just a half shirt/shrug type thing. But I love it.
It looks wonderful with the dress.
That's what I wore to the mall. Only I used the dress like a shirt
since it's not too long anyway
and wore my jeans, lol.
Read a book last night 'Get Well Soon' by Julie Halpern.
It was funny, but not overly awesome.
Main character was pretty lame.
I expected a bit more drama.
A bit more...realisim.
Less fake, less...I don't know.
It's just like, about this girl whos depressed.
And like, doesn't like herself or something lame.
And doesn't know what's going on with her.
And listens to some lame band called The Ramones
and plays bass and blah blah blah.
She was way lamer then the flap on the book lead me to believe.
Anyway. So her parents dump her in this like,
hospital. And she just cries about it.
For like, so many days she's like crying.
And like, writing and it's lame.
it starts out as letters then just turns into a journal.
Which is like "WTF."
And it's basically just a forbidden love story.
Because she obsesses for like ever
about this stupid boy who's there too.
And blah blah blah he likes lame music too.
I am just so over all of it.
The way she felt sooo at home
in the stupid hospital and liked it
and wanted to stay was lame.
There was just a lot of things I didn't like.
Probably should've looked around a little
more before deciding on that one.
Hmm.
My mom came in and was like "I'm going to get groceries."
And then she said something else and it
sounded like "Taco Launch."
But I think it was actually "Stuff for lunch"
IDK, but it was funny.
I was like, just waking up and she just opens the door and is all
lame and comes in here.
I was like D;< and she was like "Taco Launch!"
Hah.
I'm bored.
I'll go find something to do now.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The post below got borked.
It's supposed to be moving.
Anyway. Hm.
We stayed up for like 3 hours talking about food
and what we wanted to do tomorrow.
We had the light off and I kept being like
"K, let's go to bed."
But then we ended up talking more
and it was just like "LOL!"
So yeah.
We planned to go eat somewhere today.
Or just get food so we can make
stuff at tany's.
Either way.
Was looking at pictures of artsy stuff the other day.
From that same guy that did those
graffiti pictures in new orleans that I
talked about before? Yeah. There's
one I especially love soo...I'll post it now.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I slept almost 11 hours today.
Probably would've been more,
but mom came in and thought
I was awake and I got woken up.
I could sleep more, LOL.
Everyone's just like: :o
I miss my husband,
I hope she's doing okay.
Atleast there's champagne, right?
That stuff is good.
Hah, I've only had it once.
New years when I was 4/5.
Feeling okay so far.
Bleh.
Dollface is right, life is not fair.
I'm sure things wouldn't
be that bad if I had to people
to kidnap me.
Because then if one was busy
the other could take over, yeah?
Yeah.
Bleh.
Bored, kinda.
Probably would've been more,
but mom came in and thought
I was awake and I got woken up.
I could sleep more, LOL.
Everyone's just like: :o
I miss my husband,
I hope she's doing okay.
Atleast there's champagne, right?
That stuff is good.
Hah, I've only had it once.
New years when I was 4/5.
Feeling okay so far.
Bleh.
Dollface is right, life is not fair.
I'm sure things wouldn't
be that bad if I had to people
to kidnap me.
Because then if one was busy
the other could take over, yeah?
Yeah.
Bleh.
Bored, kinda.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I can't stand being here, by myself.
In this room.
And no one gets that.
Tany was supposed to come
over the other day and she never
did. And the next day she didn't.
And today she can't.
And on and on and on.
And I'm just so ANNOYED
with the whole situation.
With this, with me.
I hate it.
I'm sitting on the floor just because it's somewhere unfamiliar to sit.
I made a picture, and now there's nothing to do.
It's dark outside already.
I feel like the winter is boxing me in and slowly taping the seams shut.
I'm itchy and restless and irritable and so tired.
There's nothing I want to do.
I want to do everything.
I don't want to sit.
I want to stand.
I don't feel like standing.
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, it never ends.
Now I feel lifeless.
My resolve is dipping,
I'm becomming the thing I most want to avoid.
This crazy, weak thing.
I lashed out at tany.
I shouldn't have, but..
she isn't being a good friend right now.
She never really is entirely, there's always something
lacking. Some emotion that must be hiddin.
Things she wouldn't understand.
She doesn't think,
doesn't pick up on things.
Just accepts them.
"That's how it is."
I'm sick of it.
It makes me feel unhappy.
Disgruntled.
I don't fit. I don't fit, I DON'T.
Nothing is nothing.
I can't figure this out.
Me.
I'm getting in the way of expressing my feelings.
I could laugh, scream, cry at the same time.
That's how I feel right now.
Pathetic.
It's too warm in here.
If I open the window it'll be too cold.
If I open the window and put on a sweater
I'll be itchy and BLAH.
I CAN'T EVEN THINK.
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T.
I DON'T,
I DONT,
I DONT,
I DONT,
I DON'T.
I dont' know what I'm doing, what I'm feeling. I can't think about it. I can't begin to comprehend.
FUCK.
I'm sick of this.
I don't want it.
Take it back.
Don't even bother giving
me a refund.
In this room.
And no one gets that.
Tany was supposed to come
over the other day and she never
did. And the next day she didn't.
And today she can't.
And on and on and on.
And I'm just so ANNOYED
with the whole situation.
With this, with me.
I hate it.
I'm sitting on the floor just because it's somewhere unfamiliar to sit.
I made a picture, and now there's nothing to do.
It's dark outside already.
I feel like the winter is boxing me in and slowly taping the seams shut.
I'm itchy and restless and irritable and so tired.
There's nothing I want to do.
I want to do everything.
I don't want to sit.
I want to stand.
I don't feel like standing.
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, it never ends.
Now I feel lifeless.
My resolve is dipping,
I'm becomming the thing I most want to avoid.
This crazy, weak thing.
I lashed out at tany.
I shouldn't have, but..
she isn't being a good friend right now.
She never really is entirely, there's always something
lacking. Some emotion that must be hiddin.
Things she wouldn't understand.
She doesn't think,
doesn't pick up on things.
Just accepts them.
"That's how it is."
I'm sick of it.
It makes me feel unhappy.
Disgruntled.
I don't fit. I don't fit, I DON'T.
Nothing is nothing.
I can't figure this out.
Me.
I'm getting in the way of expressing my feelings.
I could laugh, scream, cry at the same time.
That's how I feel right now.
Pathetic.
It's too warm in here.
If I open the window it'll be too cold.
If I open the window and put on a sweater
I'll be itchy and BLAH.
I CAN'T EVEN THINK.
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T,
I CAN'T.
I DON'T,
I DONT,
I DONT,
I DONT,
I DON'T.
I dont' know what I'm doing, what I'm feeling. I can't think about it. I can't begin to comprehend.
FUCK.
I'm sick of this.
I don't want it.
Take it back.
Don't even bother giving
me a refund.
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