Wrote a lengthy entry last night about being angry at Tan and about feeling the way I often do.
Not sure about posting it.
I think I'll leave it for now.

I get this weird feeling a lot.
I'll be walking and the music will be on.
And I'll just become aware of my breathing.
It'll sound loud like panting in my own ears.
But then I pause the music, and it's not.
It's normal.
But it feels like I can't get enough air even though
I'm pulling it into my lungs.
It feels like I'm going to suffocate.
I get overly warm, and I'm trying to breathe normally and
not hyperventillate.
I usually get myself undercontrol, it doesn't get that bad.
I just stop for a second. Turn the music up louder.
Drown it out.

And sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep/sitting,
it's the same.
It's just this like..panic.
I hate it. I really do.
I don't understand it.
It scares me.