I was thinking about not even coming online at all, because I knew this would happen because it always does.

Amy feels bad for whatever reason, and I don't want her to.

That isn't fair.

Besides that, but still related to this subject.

Today has been worse, if anything.

I'm thinking things I haven't thought in a long time,

and shouldn't think about. I don't know what to do.

A part of me is trying to say that this will pass and I will be fine.

But theres this hollow sort of aching like a 'just before crying' feeling in my body,

and I can't seem to shake it. And it's telling me, no.

There isn't anything that I want to do.

Maybe go to the beach. It's always such a calming place,

with the sand and the ocean smell and the endless waves stretching on

and on and on... and the wood of the dock that's all worn and probably has more salt on it than a salt factory. Usually windy, and your hair blows all over and it's a feeling like being completely free but your feet are still on the ground. But the beach is far away, and even if  I had a way to go I don't think I would today. It's already too late, like so many other things.

I feel bad about not being around  earlier when dollface had wanted me to be.

It's awful what may happen, and I want to be the comforting person I always try

to be for her even if I can manage nothing else.