Extremely tired, wanting sleep.
Going to log onto FB & LB in a minute.
Thinking about quitting this blog.
A lot of people know about it,
and I would rather just have it for me
and anyone who I tell about it, rather
then people that find out accidently or snoop around.

BONUS: MATERIAL*

I save a lot of random notepads with stupid stuff in it that I've collected
from being online and wanting to remember stuff.
Here's a copy/paste of one of those notepads. Mostly, it's quotes and things that I've seen or people have said. Some URLs.




superuseless.blogspot.com

i got the chemistry wrong. right when im sure i dont care at all- i care more than i ever could.

sleeping in your clothes is ideal. i always do it. then your ready for yesterday or tomorrow.

---
I'm completely in love with music.
A total, utter, music junkie.
Some things I currently like: Dear and the Headlights,
Beach House, Chairlift, Say Hi, The Mountain Goats, You Me And Everyone We Know, Sing It Loud, The

Academy Is..., Tokyo Police Club...etc,etc.
I love photography, and the self-timer on my camera is probably my favourite thing. Fashion,

blogging, reading, writing, dancing, singing, cooking, laughing, talking, birdwatching, being

annoying...among other things, are my favourite activities to waste time on.
I am an avid time waster.
All of my time is probably wasted ,except for like 0.00001%.

But is it really wasting if I enjoy it?
I'm not sure.

- Aliciaaaaa.

---
occupational hazard and part time Life Ruiner from

--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXHqoPHZCUM&feature=related
---

Hop Along, Queen Ansleis

---
threadbanger

---
love, what is love? I only know the darkness that waits in my heart.

---

BE SMART, BE CLEVER, PUT ME IN YOUR HEART
FOREVER.

It's too early for regular thought patterns.

I'm at jenn's, sitting on her couch and watching Backyardigans w/ Jaylin and Nick.
Nick is on the floor, trying to crawl. He's on his hands and knees, jiggling back and forth and trying to gain momentem or something, I don't know.

Tyler is at school.

So far, my breakfast has consisted of a bite of Jaylin's
apple cinnamon oatmeal (which was gross, btw) and 2 marshmallows.

The show yesterday was great.
Kind of sucked, because Tyler was with us
so I didn't get to go in the crowd at all.
It was a fairly dead crowd, though.
And we DID get to sit in a special VIP spot because some security chick was at the door when we were going in, and saw Tyler and was like "Oh! Is this your first show?" and we're like "Yeah."
and she's like "Omg, it's your first show!" and told the one guy that was scanning the tix, and stuff and later she was asking us if Tyler wanted ear plugs incase it was too loud, and Jenn asked if there was some chairs or something (Because it was a club, there were spots to sit, and then the floor and we were in the sitting spot, but just standing because there was no chairs, and then she just got these keys and let us into our own little booth, and it was cool.


Pix laterr. Vidz later too.
Tired. Going to hang out, now.

We are the party, we keep it going.

Yess, I'm listening to Scenes and Sirens.
Or at least, I was.
Now it's on something else, but w/e.
In a good mood today.
Just waiting for breakfast, mom is making some sort of eggs, idk.
And then taking a shower and getting dressedd.

Hmm, it's earlyy.
I was laying in bed and almost fell asleep, so
I had to get out of it.

So...yeah.

I would explain that all to you if you asked me.

I'm not afraid of my secrets.

But I am tired, and sleep is beckoning.

I don't feel better yet, but I will.

Tomorrow will be a good day,

and in the morning my head will be clear.

'{Today was a lonely day.

& Tonight was a lonely night.

I wish I had another good friend

or someone like a boyfriend

to hang out with.

But even then, it wouldn't

be the same.}'

I'm not as sad as I usually get when I think about Tany.

But all the same, I'm kind of sad.

It just kind of hit me.

Like, I was walking the dog for a second time today at around 9,

and I was just thinking: "Man, I miss her. If we were friends, we would be in my room right now. LOLing about how she bit someone during hit the lights set at the last concert and staying up late to talk about all the fun we'd have at Marianas Trench tomorrow."

And I can't help but think about all the late night talks about stupid things.

Grilled Cheese, and how Shamay treated her before.

There was one story I'd always get her to tell.

It'd be like this:

Me:"Tell me the one about Shamay dancing in front of the window and then her mom smacks her."

Her:"K.

So, shamay would like, for no reason, just start dancing infront of the window in her bedroom.

In like, her underwear and the window open and stuff."

Me: *lols*

Her: "And then Judy comes in, and is like "what are you doing shamay!"

Me: *LOLS*

Her: "And smacks her, and is like going on a big speech about stuff. And shamay is just like "That didn't hurt!" and her mom does it again. And then shamay is crying and stuff, and it was just so stupid. And me and teasha were laughing."

It's not actually that funny.

It's the way she told it,

and how mean shamay always was

and how she always did stupid things like

dance around naked for all the neighbours to see.

And I miss the things we'd say before we fell asleep.

And all the jokes we had.

Like, about pat brown.

And how she once asked me to read her a recipe out of a cookbook for a bedtime story,

so we'd always say "Thickens and boils" because that was what the book said about something

when you cook this raspberry sauce.

She's allergic to raspberries.

No one knew that for a long time, not even her.

I'm not allowed to call her, or else I would.

Her brother phoned here after last time and asked why

I kept phoning.

I really don't like her brother at all.

He's stubborn and he doesn't listen.

And he's stupid, he thought she was 13.

I remember how we were walking once.

it was late, and I was walking her part way home.

It was when she first wanted to be a snob, and I was trying to

tell her things about it. We had thoughts about going back to school in

a few years, and not even bothering with anyone, and being stuck-up bitches

that every one would envy because we'd be mysterious and well-dressed, and we'd speak in whispers.

We were running down my street, yelling things like "Spot of tea!"

and Gowri kept saying "mate" even though we were trying to be british-ey and

that always seems more austrailian, to me.

Sometimes I dream about maybe seeing her again sometime.

Maybe a few years in the future,

we'll run into each other, or she'll look for me and we'll end up being friends again.

It's sad to talk about these things, and I've ended up making myself cry.

But I need to. I just need to get it all out, and I'll be better.

Because I know I can be strong, and I know that sometimes they'll be times like these,

and I'm just going to have to cry and feel awful, because that's how life is.

I miss the things that she would always say,and the way that she would say them.

Like how I would tell her about something funny, and she would just laugh and say "That's funny." and then we'd talk about it somemore because she'd make comments on it and kind of explain how she thought it was funny, and we'd agree and LOL somemore.

I remember when we got our PSPs, and how we always felt cool for being matching, and how fun it was to look in the games ailes and weigh the pros and cons about what to get.

I think about all the things of hers I have, and all the things she has of mine.

One of my tops, and my zooyork sweater. Probably a bunch of other things, too.

And I wonder if they're at her new house, or with her mom.

I wonder if she ever thinks about me.

I wonder if she hates me, or if she's sad.

I wonder if I was a bad friend.

I just...it's hard.

We were so alike, and we spent so much time together,

and we shared everything and knew pretty much everything about each

other.

I wish I could share lookbook with her, and all the music I've discovered that I know

would be something she would be interested in.

Like BoA, The Bird and The Bee...

so many things.

So, so many things.

I miss singing, she always liked to hear me.

Now, I sing for myself.

And it doesn't usually feel as natural.

But it's comforting.

I sing or whisper to myself the words of all my favourite songs.

And it's like that one bright eyes song.

'The sound of loneliness makes me happier'

It makes me feel brave.

Brave enough to keep going, and brave enough to remember

and not just forget her.

But talking about that makes me feel like she's dead.

Sometimes, that'd almost be easier.

Just because it would just be over.

I wouldn't have to wonder what she was doing,

or what she thought or any other countless things.

But I would never want her to die, of course.

She was my bestfriend, we were close like sisters, and

I loved her like one.

Being on the train is always harder, too.

I'm even more afraid of it now then I was before.

Going over the bridge, and watching the world seem so far below even when we're just going across the city. It's harder because she isn't there to tell me it's stupid for being afraid,

and to distract me. Because it was always us that went on the train.

We used to go so many places.

But I can't think about it anymore.

I'm getting a headache, my face hurts from all the tears.

I'm going to settle myself down,

listen to some Sea Wolf because it's calming, and maybe draw a picture.

If I do the latter, I'll post it up.

A preview of what I'll be wearing to the Marianas Trench concert tomorrow.

Openers are Shiloh and Carly Rae Jepson.

Should be a good show.

I'll be bringing the camera.

It's at the commodore, good times.

Listening to Pretty.Odd. Since I haven't in awhile.
It's good, PATD always feels like home for my ears.

Speaking of home.
I'm here, there, whatever.

Wondering what to do.
Want to rummage through the closet and shoot a quick look,
just so I can perhaps boost my karma/hype a bit on LB.

Not sure about that, though.
I am sure about at least
attempting to get a post for Dollface, though.
Hmmm....
yeah.
And I'm sure about taking a shower.

Thinking about it more, I will wait until tomorrow to
add something new to lookbook.
I'm tired as it is, and a goodnights sleep would probably be good.

So yeah...
yeah.

(:

Tomorrow, I'll be here.
I will try to be here, at least.
I owe dollfacee and I want to find out
about the biting/magic/other things, LOLOLOLOL!

So yeah.

Me and Dollface are okay.
Things kind of just went from crappy to
joking to normal, and it was sort of confusing,
but I don't mind it.

I'd have posted that yesterday, but we've been busy.
Watching the kids now,
waiting for Jenn and Chris and Nicholas to get back here.

Wishing I was home so I could put together something good for LB,
get some more hypes.

I've got a new pair of shoes.
White/blk/pink slip-on's.
Kind of like the vans I had only different.
Roxy brand, and probably only worn like once, so prettymuch brand new,
but Iii got them for freee.
Hmm. Yeah.

Sent dollface a FBIM, but she hasn't answered.
Running out of things to do online, getting bored. =/

I don't know what's going on between me and Dollface.
I guess you could say we're fighting, but I'm not entirely sure.

I feel almost like I'm being punished for being happy.
It's not that I'm only happy without you,
it's just that happiness cannot always be contained inside
a tiny room where it's only me inside.

If we want to get into the whole
'you wouldn't understand,
your life is different then mine' thing,
that I supposedly say about all the time:

How could someone that has a whole lot of friends
and sees a bunch of people everyday understand
the sort of lonliness it is to not have anyone
at all IRL a lot of the time?
I mean, sure. I hang out with jenn and things, but
usually I'm just at home...

But I'm not going to write any more here.
It feels like running away and being a coward.
I suppose I'll re-open my FB and the FBIM, and
we'll see how it goes.