A new fear to add to the list.
One that surprises me sort of.

Comitment?

I mean... "You are my everything. I love you so much."
I should be so happy,
these tears welling in my eyes joy, not sorrow.

Love.
So delicate.
A leaf;
One day new and green,
blossoming and growing.
The next its fall, and the colour is fading,
the stem, the very foundation,
rotting away.
And then its gone.
A brown frilliege piece floating across the wind,
crumpled and cluttering the space around.

"999 out of 1000 isnt so bad.
You are perfect."

I am not.
And if I should disappoint you,
it'd break my heart.

Just kinda hung out all weekend.
Stayed up late, played guitar hero for like...6 fucking hours.
I got a wicked-ass cramp.
But whatever.
ANYWAY.
That was yesterday.
The day before that,
I played only a little bit.
Mostly just watched a movie and watched the guys do whatever.
Since they totally ignored me.
AND,
were drinking and didn't even offer.
Not that I would've had they.
I'm not an idiot.
But..still.
I could've..
uh..
IDK.
Watched them be idiots?
Sure.
That works.
Couldn't sleep last night at all.
Stayed up 'till like 5.
WHY?
Because I was fucking scared to death of the vampires.
We watched 30 days of nigth before bed.
Scariest thing ever.
Okay.
Not really.
But them things were crazy.
Extremely crazy and creepy.


So..
just asked for some input on what I should write.
Appearantly,
I should right about how
I hit the old, arthritus ridden dog with a ball in the head.
He kinda...looked afraid after that.
LOL!
So..yeah.
IDFK what to write.
Not that I really /have/ to write anything.
No one reads this.
Uh..yeah.
A couple days ago I typed Gowri's blog for her.
Her ideas.
I just wrote it down.
godienowplease.blogspot.com

So..check that.
I'll go and watch The Matrix for the 60billionth time and wait for lunch.


Check y'all on the flip side bitchez.
PEACE AND I'M OUT. XD

First day of spring.
It isn't sunny, but I feel it.
Hiding there beneath the clouds.
Waiting.
I have what I was looking for,
and my heart feels like it shall burst.
I'm happy.
Ready to face my battles.
School.
Family.
Stupid winter.
I don't care about it anymore.
I'm free.

Lying here.
In the dark.
Thinking of fear.
Of darkness.
How the dark seems to deepen when I'm alone.
Like it knows I'm lonely.
Like its dying to swallow me up.
It's 2:30am. I think of who I've talked to today.
Yesterday.
Whatever.
Only a few stand out.
The advice I got from my mother about shaving.
Thats one.
Another is this 'fight' over a certain someones (not me.lol.) insecurities.
Theres another one.
The last was about my fear.
Of the dark.
How he'd hold me so I wouldn't be afraid, if I wanted...

Tonight, my lullaby is that 'fix you' song by Coldplay.
It makes my feelings seem even more so.
It makes me think of my life...if you tweak the words a bit.

'When you try your best but you don't succeed..'

Hell with it. I don't feel like explaining.

For now, I just want to be held.
I know what I want.
Besides that.

Unconditional, unquestioned, unquestionable,
Love.

I don't even know
Why
The words dont come.
I dont even realize
When
They stop.
Until now.
When I dont know
what
else to say.
My brain stops.
Thoughts end.
Words die.
I am afraid.
Will it stop?
Dry up?
Finish?
Done?
But no.
Here it comes again.
That flow and familiar feeling.
My creativity.
My identity...
But then my mind seizes up,tense.
Unsure.
Is this okay?
Am I alright?
I do not know.
Is this to complicated?
Not enough words?
Who is to know.
For now,
It shall stop.

The past while has been..I don't know.
Lame.
Not much going on.
I just uh... kinda stuck.
I can't wait for spring break. Next week will be lovely.
TO just sit.
Think.
Yes.

Green themed blog. ;D

I JUST noticed it's march.
That's fucking crazy.

http://www.friendsorenemies.com/web/foe/journals/entry/1910651

I'm seriously addicted to the FOB cover of MJ's Beat It.
Seriously.
It's hella funky. Not to mention catchy..catchy sounding.
I'll post a link in a second or two. :]]]

Not much going on.
If there were, I'd be posting about it..
wouldn't I?

ANYWAY.
Woke up late this morning.
4 hours and 23 minutes late to be precise.
Didn't have to go to school though..so it worked out.
XD

Talk to you later losers.
Peace.